im stuck in a vicious cycle...i need some advice...things are complicated

[--Danny--]

Hi everyone, I'm in struggle city..need some good advice...

I grew up in a house where my parents were yelling/screaming/fighting...threats of suicide, separation, no money, I was always getting blamed for stuff...I was a referee between the two of them fighting since age 10...I remember saying to myself as a kid that I hated my life...fighting in public places...my parents said things & did things to each other that was awful for kids to see...I always wanted to run away from home...I guess my anxiety was forged into me then...

When I turned 16, I started an apprenticeship...I started becoming an alcoholic straight away...binge drinking 4-5 days a week...living at home wasn't easy...I met my wife when I was aged 17, she was 15..we now have four beautiful children...I'm now 31 yrs old...still a binge drinker, & I have done some stupid things while under the influence of alcohol...mainly getting drunk & hanging with my friends...usually acting like a fool & waking up regretting everything I did or said...

At age 24, I got hooked on weed & have smoked it daily since...when I started smoking, it calmed me at first...but after a while it caused extreme panic attacks, anxiety, depression...I've been on heaps of different anti depressants...one particular brand cured my illnesses for 2-3 yrs...I went off them once I was well...got depression again & had trouble sleeping...got anti depressants to help me sleep..I recently got off them because of side effects(weight gain)..I have been put on the ones that cured me the first time....I've been on them for a week...I haven't drank a drop since I started new medication:):) I'm struggling with the initial side effects of new medication...bad anxiety/panic...these should go away within a week...

Once i overcome drinking...next step is smoking...I just want to be a better husband & father...I'm hoping one day I will find my inner peace....

[--Danny--]

Hi Cas, you have been doing some pretty positive things!! Good on ya 🙂 I hope you have plenty more good days to come!! Keep doing positive things Cas, it cheers me up knowing you're doing well! To be honest Cas, I can't ween off the old weed..it's drug rehab clinic or nothing...& I don't want to go there until I'm clean from booze for at least 6 months...then what will I do after work to chill out? I've always used something to take the edge off..I haven't been sober hardly at all since the age of 16..I can socialize when I'm stoned but I'm always stoned...I haven't communicated with anyone at all since the age 23 unless I was stoned...it will be weird..I've always been drunk or stoned. What to do mate ?

Danny

[Blue_]

Thank Dan, you've been doing so good as well, never forget that! 

Don't worry Dan, you don't need to worry about weening off it just yet. Just be proud of yourself for how far you've come! You've done great! I honestly believe you could though, if it was in 6 months, a year, it doesn't matter when you start but you could start by just having smaller cones, then one less for a while. That would be a fantastic start! Maybe after a couple months or whenever you're ready go without 2. I really believe you could! It's scary because it's change but that's when you introduce different relaxing methods into your life. 

It's just like me and my exercise. I was the fat kid at school, I have bad circulation which means I lose my breath easily, my muscles get sore, I'm fatigued all the time and I get heart palpitations. I was scared to go running in case something happened to my heart but I told myself I need to get fitter. I seriously started by going for 10 minute walks, that's it, for a while. Then I moved up to 20 for a while, then 40, then an hour then I started jogging! I could only jog a couple of minutes but I kept at it and could run further and further! I was so ecstatic! Then suddenly I gave up, I fell into a slum and couldn't bring myself to exercise for months. I'm starting from scratch again. Little walks to get in the habit of going regularly. I'll build myself up again and if I fall into a slum again and don't go, it's okay. I just have to tell myself I can and that's what you have to do. 

But don't worry about that right now Dan, just worry about today and be grateful for your family and all you've achieved so far! 

Proud of you bud.

[--Danny--]

Hi Cas, I'm glad your starting to get back into walking, jogging, cardio...it's one of the best things you can do...can I set u a goal to try chase down?? My challenge out to you is...3 km run in under 12 minutes?? What do ya reckon ey? Are you going to accept the challenge?

Getting teased at school isn't fun..I had a face full of acne..discusting, repulsive..I copped it...it destroys confidence..I couldn't look anyone in the eyes with a face like that...I was ashamed of what I looked like..ah well, what can you do?  I'm hoping your having a ripper night Cas, take care mate 🙂

Danny

[Blue_]

Wow, Dan, what a challenge.

I'll have to pass on it for now because I really struggle with running. I may get there one day and you'll be the first I'll tell! It would take me about thirty minutes to run that far with the fitness level I'm at now. Mum been a making the best healthy dinners too, greens and a little slab of meat, simple, yummy and good. Can't wait to see some physical changes! 

Hope you're well Dan. I challenge you to run 3k in 12 minutes! Haha. 

Cas 

[--Danny--]

Hey Cas, the challenge is on!! My cardio levels are discusting...I only ever lift weights..I will start off on the x-trainer & work my way up to jogging..I'm very unmotivated when it comes to cardio..I know it's such a positive & beneficial thing to do..good food always makes you feel better..keep up the good work Cas! Are you still quitting booze with me? Take care my friend,

Danny

[Blue_]

Yew! Go Dan! 

I'll be building it up slowly too, I might even jog a little today. The good food is helping me a lot I think, still always tired though. As far as quitting booze goes, I could slow down on it but alcohol doesn't affect my meds all that much and I'm only 21, I still have a bit of partying to get out of my system. I'll still be here cheering you on though! 

Cas

[--Danny--]

Hey Cas, did you end up going for a jog today? I understand how fun alcohol can be, but...I'm going to sound boring here...if you are suffering from anxiety & depression, the booze is no good...plus it interferes with the anti-depressant medication trying to do its job..maybe start drinking once the depression & anxiety are gone..or just keep it for celebrations. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but I care about you mate..& I can tell you first hand alcohol & depression don't mix....you're 21 & still got heaps of partying..i get that, but please be careful,, a lot of people here worry about you...my big concearn isn't the alcohol, but the decisions people make under the influence of alcohol...anti-depressants increase the effects of alcohol, so you have to be really careful. Cas, can I ask? Do you binge drink? 

Take care,

Danny

[Blue_]

Hey Danny, you're so right.

I need to slow down. I do binge drink because all my friends do it. I just forget my limits and then things go oh so wrong. I'm so lucky I was with people I could trust on Saturday night because I was being very stupid and could've got taken advantage of so easily. I will slow down, I will know my limits and try not to drink at all. It's day two and I still feel terrible. I drank ridiculous amounts for my frame. I haven't been eating or looking after myself and I should be my first priority. 

Thanks for your advice Dan, I hope you're doing well.
Cas ❤️

[--Danny--]

Hey Cas, yes! I'm glad to hear you want to slow down/quit your drinking 😃 !! The booze causes all sorts of problems...especially if you binge drink like me & you tend to do...the anxiety & panic attacks the next after drinking aren't worth it..all the shameful feelings, depression...yuck feeling...also another problem with binge drinking is the next day, your body is majorly dehydrated, depleted of minerals & vitamins, no electrolytes in your body, no sugar in your blood, can't eat, nausea, high blood pressure..all these problems caused by drinking doesn't help depression/anxiety at all...it's really not worth binge drinking...I can't stop at one drink so that's why I quit a month ago..both of us are binge drinkers & this type of drinking is the worst kind...my weekend was good, I got a fair bit of work done & just chilled out watching heaps of footy.

Take care Cas 🙂

Danny

[hopless_amp_helpless]

Hi Danny,

I've just been reading your posts between you and Cas and it really looks like you guys are a positive influence for each other which is fantastic to see!

I'm a bit worried that your posts stopped on 7th July though.....is everything ok?

I just wanted to say keep up the good work with no drinking, 1 month is so impressive, I'm really happy for you! Keep up the good work!

It's also great to hear you want to give up weed but please don't beat yourself up about it, just take one step at a time....concentrate on the no drinking first and then start on the weed.

I agree with Cas, maybe just cut down the weed a little for now or try to distract yourself. When you feel like taking weed, maybe make yourself go for a walk instead or spend some time with your family.

It sounds like you have a wonderful, loving family and a very supportive wife! I know you are working so hard to provide for your family but maybe they don't need 'stuff' from you, maybe they just want to spend time with their daddy!

You said you love the beach so have you considered getting into surfing at all? I'm learning at the moment and I feel so free out in the water and it's a great work out while having fun at the same time!

Depending on how old your kids are, you could all go as a family and have a learn to surf day together!

 

Cheers ~ Kylz