If distractions and 'tools' don't work- do I need meds?

[Anonymous_Fifowife]

I have read quite a few of these threads and there are some amazing people on here with great suggestions on how to cope with depression.

There are suggestions of meditation, physical exercise, contacting friends, practicing mindfulness and breathing BUT, and I do not want to discount the value in all of that advice- I am at the stage where even the tools and suggestions given to me to deal with my depression are not working.

i try very hard to keep busy ( I am busy) but still be gentle on myself, I try to socialist but when I get home I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, I sob while putting joggers on to take my dog for a walk and sob for the better part of the walk, I try deep breathing when I get anxious but end up feeling like I can never get enough air, I'm constantly tired and extremely vague most of the day..... I am just as exhausted from trying to manage my depression as I am from being depressed!

this leads the question- do I need medication to tackle everyday functioning life? Is there a switch in there that I need to chemically flick on?

I just don't know how to exist anymore...and medication scares me...

[blondguy]

Hello Anonymous

Thankyou for having the courage to post your topic...and its a good one too!

My name is Paul and I have had severe anxiety/depression for many years. I dont meditate or use most of the techniques you have mentioned above. You have done a lot of research on the forums and I see that you are being 'gentle' to yourself with finding occupation/distraction and good on you! I do feel and remember sobbing when I tried so very hard putting my runners on too....Its a horrible place to be in. I am very much like you...I have just learned how to breathe properly after many years...

Not getting enough air....very common even with the deep breathing techniques...and well done for trying..Managing anxiety/depression can be a long drawn out process that is best helped by regular visits to a Gp that you get along with and can 'vent' to...and a counsellor too.

I read something you wrote that really made me feel I was looking into a mirror. When I socialise I get home and I feel the same as you do...an absolute mental and physical wreck. Its taken me a while to figure out that the exhaustion is a sign of a tired mind from dealing with the anxiety/depression.

The medication used to scare the hell out me and I kept refusing it until my female Gp asked me if she should stop medicating her patients with high blood pressure....diabetes...etc...(she kicked me very hard in the butt)

I took the script (on the lowest dosage possible) and I realised that the meds actually gave me a foundation on which I could help myself heal. The meds saved my career and the ability to stay in my home..and the ability to pay for it 🙂

Since being on meds I have been able to concentrate and work on the coping mechanisms you mentioned.

You are an intelligent and articulate person who doesn't deserve to be upset/sobbing whilst putting on your runners and walking your dog..... I wasted 10 years of my life being scared of meds...I was trapped because of my own fear of the meds which I refused to take.

I do hope there is something here that can be a help to you Anonymous. It would be great if you could post back and let us know you thoughts 🙂

My Kindest Wishes for you

Paul

[lookingforme]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling all of this, but thank you for speaking up. It is excellent that you are aware of how you are feeling, and how some, or it would seem all if not most, of the mechanisms posted on these forums are not working for you anymore. Based on what you are saying, I think it would be worth talking to your GP about these things that you are feeling. Including being scared about taking medication for it. I think it may be beneficial to you to talk this out with someone, do you have family/friends who you are comfortable speaking these feelings out to? If so, maybe as support, they could go with you to the GP? Having a support group is quite beneficial, and one that is more immediate than these forums, more so. I don't think anyone on here is able to say yes or no, you should/shouldn't be on meds, but I think it is an avenue worth exploring, as well as maybe seeing a psychologist.

I was like you before I had that conversation with a GP, in fact I was seeing a psychologist before even talking to a GP because I had a horrible experience the first time I plucked up some courage to have this conversation.

What are your concerns with being on medication? Maybe some of us can give you a better understanding, or ease your concerns? If you don't already know, and you don't want to talk to your GP, there is a list of GPs on this website who have more mental health training. I found my GP on that list.

Remember, you can always ask your GP more info if you have any questions, about side effects, what to expect etc. Also, if you aren't happy with them, you can always say that they aren't a fit for you. It isn't supposed to be something that is concrete when it is prescribed, we all react differently.

My GP told me my meds weren't happy pills but they would make me more receptive to my psych sessions. He was spot on with that. Before I was on meds, I would go, talk and sometimes not, and it would be left at the door when I left. Afterwards, I was more open to advice and practices that you mentioned above and I was more open/aware of my own thoughts in general. I could isolate feelings rather than it being a wash of overwhelming emotion leaving me in tears on the floor. For me, I suppose I needed a chemical change in my brain. It wasn't a cure but it has certainly helped.

I hope that you reply with more questions, or just how you are. My thoughts are with you.

Joelle

[JessF]

Hello Anonymous Fifowife, I have been on and off medication for many years now. The way I have come to understand it is that you need a toolbox when it comes to dealing with depression and anxiety, and medication is one of the things in that toolbox that you can choose to access if it's right for you. I have found that, at my worst, medication helps keep me 'below boiling point', so that I am better able to cope and use the other tools in the toolbox. It's a bit like trying to run up a hot sand dune without any shoes. With a little bit of help, you can focus your efforts on the climb and not be overwhelmed by the pain.

[Anonymous_Fifowife]

Hi guys, thank you for replying to me.

yesterday I had a session with a psychiatrist and this morning I started I mild dose of antidepressants.

I feel strange after taking it but I assume my body will get used to it. I'm still not sure how I feel about being on them- and I can't really articulate my fear, I'm not sure what it is.? My hubby is away so I've had to take this leap of faith without him and trust that the psychiatrist knows best and hopefully the medication will help me better use the tools she will give me in further sessions.

i guess now I just need to be patient with the process as I believe it can take a few weeks before you feel the effect...

I really appreciate you all sharing your experiences and thoughts- it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who had concerns about meds and also not the only one who struggled with the very tasks that are supposed to help.

my family havnt been overly supportive with the idea of medication ( they've never experienced or understood depression) so it means a lot to have somewhere I can have these chats without being judged.

I hope that anyone else wondering about medication and strategies finds some comfort in this thread too.

hope you're all doing well

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi I just read your initial post including the section":

i try very hard to keep busy ( I am busy) but still be gentle on myself, I try to socialist but when I get home I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, I sob while putting joggers on to take my dog for a walk and sob for the better part of the walk, I try deep breathing when I get anxious but end up feeling like I can never get enough air, I'm constantly tired and extremely vague most of the day..... I am just as exhausted from trying to manage my depression as I am from being depressed!

I think one of the problems is trying too hard. I have tried meds with limited success but they vary with some people finding them essential whereas others don't find them useful but it is worth trying them. I see a psychologist which I find helpful as he helps me get things into perspective. I tend tp push myself to keep going & find achieving goals helpful in lifting my mood BUT over the last 18 months I have been so exhausted due to multiple stressors that this no longer works. While finishing something worthwhile is good but not when I fall in an exhausted heap afterwards too tired to do anything. My psych reminds me that it is OK to stop & rest or read or something because the exhaustion is my bodies way of telling me I need that.

I recommend you ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist (you can get a mental health plan for 10 sessions in the year covered by medicare). They can then help you identify the issues & help you identify what works for you & what doesn't. The things you have tried are all good but not when you are too exhausted to cope. If the medication works it will allow the psych treatment to be more effective so it is not one or the other.

Walking is good but not if you are so exhausted you cry the whole time. Try changing the time of the walk so you are less tired & do a very short walk. You can increase it later when you feel better.

Good luck

[lookingforme]

I think a couple of the fears I had when taking antidepressants were 1: It would make everything official and real and how am I supposed to tell or keep this from my family? 2: Would I be "myself" on these meds?

When I got put on antidepressants, when I was actually told it would benefit me, I actually felt relieved. It sort of validated everything I was feeling. Like you, my family doesn't understand and don't support me. So a lifetime of that attitude made me think that it was wrong to be the way I was.

Being myself, I don't know what that is supposed to be. I now allow myself to be a fluid concept that changes with every experience I have.

I think it would be wise to take note of how you are everyday. Sort of take stock, of your emotions, your reactions to things anything you think is significant. Treat yourself gently always (I'm still learning this concept), and be open with your psychiatrist. What also helped me during this transition period was to, instead of forcing myself to do everything I think I should be doing, to having smaller goals and slowly building them up, just to ease the pressure. I still put this into practice. Accomplishing small, accumulative goals helped me with self affirmation.

I sincerely hope things work out for you, and that you remember you are not alone; you can always post back.

[blondguy]

Hi Anon

Congrats for your achievement with your doc and starting the AD's. It does take a couple of weeks to let them kick in. You will find relief and be more able to heal yourself using these as a platform.

Your fear of taking them is normal because there is a new med in your system. This is natural and very common to feel this way.

I think you have really kicked a goal here Anon. 🙂

Here for you

Paul