I need more help but my psychologist is unavailable

[Anonymous217]

I've been working with my psychologist for 7 years now and I am in love with her. Not romantically in any way; I love her like a mother. But now I find myself unable to function. I see her fortnightly and in-between that I am just waiting for my next appointment. I can't sleep, I barely eat, I work and see friends but it's all just to kill time. I enjoy nothing in my life. My psychologist is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. I am outright miserable, the world seems grey and boring and cold, and all I can do is wait her like a looser.

We've talked about this yearning quite openly; I've explained to her how much it hurts that I miss her so deeply all the time but have no way of relieving that pain. We've discussed how desperately depressed I have been and she agrees that I require more support (actually she thinks I should be in hospital). However, she is unable to see me more than once every 2 weeks because she simply doesn't have the time. She is fully booked. I know she feels bad about that and would change it if she could, but this is the reality. I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist in 5 months but beyond that there is nothing. Hospitalisation is not an option (for so many reasons I won't go into) and even presenting to the Emergency Department or calling Lifeline are things I am unwilling to do if I were in a crisis. The only hope I had was my psychologist, but living my life in two-week intervals and constantly rotting, waiting for her.... I just can't keep living this way. It is agony.

Does anyone have any other options to throw out there for me? Where I can get more help?

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. Like you I see my psychologist every 2 weeks though I had to cancel the next appointment. A therapist and client relationship is special yet still a business like contract in that you pay for their services. On the other side you reveal your inner most thoughts that you might not share with others for various reasons. So what can you do in between times ?

One thing that you could do is to write here. A place where you can write your thoughts and receive support from others here. Talking with people in similar positions can be helpful in itself. There are other threads here you could post in.

I will listen to you and share some stories with you.

Tim

[Anonymous217]

Thanks for that, Tim. You are very kind.

I know more than most that it is a business transaction. This is why when I met my psychologist 7 years ago, I was extremely guarded and frankly quite dismissive/overly independent. Over time, though, I couldn't help but love her. I guess it just hurts me a lot that, although we both agree that weekly therapy would be of significant benefit for me, she is not able to make any extra space for me. I totally understand that a full diary means a full diary... but I think because she used to shift clients around and change her schedule to suit me years ago, I know it can be done. A very childish part of me believes that she simply doesn't want to help me anymore. (I can't blame her; I'm not worth the effort)

I worry about talking with other people who are struggling because I believe there is something about me that just sucks all light out of the world, and I don't want to hurt anyone. Lately I have been feeling particularly suicidal and that in itself can be a highly triggering topic. I don't know what to do.

[Guest_4643]

hey Anonymous217, I'm Tayla and I'm 20. relatively new to these forums myself. and hey smallwolf (Tim).

I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I'm actually in the same position as you, and I didn't think I would find anyone that feels the same. so in a way, thank you because after reading this I feel a little bit less alone, with trying to cope between sessions. I mean that in a polite way, although it's so sad that you're struggling so much too. I've also been in a very dark place like you. my Psychiatrist is the only good professional I've ever had. my GP doesn't care at all. I told her everything including how sick these meds are making me feel, how I feel every day mentally, she just said "oh well". well you know, to say I'm hurt is an understatement.

I get what you mean, about how all you can think of is your therapist, because they care, and they should know what they're doing. and when you don't see them and do other things, it's not the same. and you just want to talk with them and everything seems OK again. that's how I'm feeling lately with my Psychiatrist. I can't cope at all between sessions. of course I get anxious on the days I see him, but in a way it makes me feel better too? he's lovely. I hope you can see your Psychiatrist soon and that you like them.

I'm sure she wants to help you and doesn't think anything rude of you, I certainly hope not. you seem nice to me.

can I please ask how you asked your Psychologist if you could see them more often, and if there's any way to contact them between sessions (call, email, etc)? I don't have an email for my Psychiatrist and the number on my prescription is apparently disconnected. I don't want to make him uncomfortable and push it. can you please let me know and give me suggestions on how to ask this? I really want to. but I hope it doesn't affect our patient therapist relationship, as lovely as he is. I'm terrified and it seems like a simple task.

please take care of yourself.

Tayla

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi there Anonymous217 and mb20lover,

This is a great topic to start as I know many people who develop strong emotions to their therapist. It is a really common occurrence and when not addressed, it can become a barrier to healing. I commend you Annonymous217 for talking with your therapist about your strong emotions as this is a really hard thing to do. There is no easy way to bring it up but therapists generally have some experience with these types of emotional responses and will discuss with you the best course of action. It sounds like your therapist has put some boundaries on your appointments. You might try discussing alternatives to therapy that support you during the in-between times at your next appointment. You have already started using the forum which is a great start. Your therapist might suggest other avenues. I wonder if you and your therapist have set some clear treatment goals. This sometimes helps refocus the sessions on reaching your goals rather than on the relationship (which is also important) but would be a more balanced approach.

These are just a few bits to think about. If you feel comfortable, use the forum to express your feelings and thoughts. We are here and listening. Like Tayla has said, sometimes it helps just to know that you are not alone.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Guest_4643]

Hi Nurse Jenn, and hi to you again Anonymous217, I hope you're OK.

Thanks for replying Nurse Jenn.

Do you mean that if you were to say to the therapist (in my instance, a male Psychiatrist) that they mean a lot to you and you're thankful, as them being your therapist, not a creepy obsessive romantic way, that they'll be uncomfortable? How can I say this in a grateful patient way? I don't want to make him uncomfortable and ruin the good relationship we have, as a patient and therapist. How could I ask him if I can somehow keep in touch if anything goes wrong? Of course I respect his privacy and wouldn't contact him every day or anything, just in those really hard days. Is this allowed? I see him through Telehealth (Skype) so never seen him face to face.

I'm not sure what else to say and how else to word it currently as I type this, I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Tayla x

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi mb20lover,

It is hard to answer your question specifically as I don't know the relationship you have with your Psychiatrist. I can recommend that sometimes writing a letter helps figure out exactly what you want to say. You could write your psychiatrist a letter and express exactly what you want to say to them on paper. You may give it to them or read it to them (or parts) or just seal it up and put it away. Writing things down can sometimes provide you with more clarity on what you are trying to express.

Every health professional sets different boundaries in a therapeutic relationship. It is difficult to speak about your Psychiatrist and what boundaries they have. You could just ask at your next appointment what boundaries they have if you are having a bad day in terms of contact and let him know that you were unsure. Another suggestion would be to ask them to support you in developing a plan in how to manage the really hard days and establish if contacting your Psychiatrist is an available option.

It is understandable that you feel a level of trust to your Psychiatrist and being thankful for the care they provide you is a normal response. In my own experience, when people I work with thank me for listening and being there for them, I don't generally feel uncomfortable.

I am not sure I have answered your question specifically and hope that some of these suggestions help you find ways to talk with your Psychiatrist at your next appointment. Discussing boundaries is important when you begin a healing journey with any health professional.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn

[Guest_4643]

Hi Nurse Jenn, apologies for just replying now.

I understand what you mean with all that you said. I personally feel like my Psychiatrist and I have a good patient and therapist relationship. I've only seen him 4 times total though because of his busy schedule, I see him again on Feb 18.

Yeah I'll try to write stuff down for when I see him next, and ask and say it. As for the contact outside of sessions I understand that completely because I know he has lots of work to do, and his own private life. I'd never disrespect his privacy or anyone's, a therapist or anyone. I only have it on my mind because he's the only person I feel comfortable with, and my parents and I agree.

My GP couldn't care less, she's made this quite clear, especially today when I saw her this morning. She doesn't do her job at all, never communicated with him, nothing (yes she's told me this and my Psychiatrist even asked why, I said I have no idea but I don't like it). My parents and I think that I should just keep my Psychiatrist and that's all. He does give me therapy and suggestions to help me (for example reading a self help book called Beating The Blues, and using Mindspot which I've been doing), not just prescribing me stuff, and he even said to me "I want to help you and give you therapy myself not just prescribe you medication". And that meant a lot.

My GP thinks he sounds good too but she has no clue about anything, honestly. And it's frustrating. I'll say that elsewhere if need be on the forums for advice from others, if I feel like it. My Psychiatrist is great though and I just want to see him and no one else - no Psychologist (always had bad experiences from them, been told to you know, by them (think you know what I mean, can't say it here)), no triage, nothing, just him. My GP seems to agree with that.

I hope my Psychiatrist still wants to see me, he's never told me he doesn't. Then my GP today made me feel like he doesn't although he's never said that to me, or her, so where did she get that from? I've been feeling awful like he doesn't want to work with me anymore anyway, and I've never done anything wrong to him, always been respectful of him, his privacy, all of that, and that and her care free attitude as my GP just hurts even more.

Sorry for rambling. Thanks for replying anyway, and sorry for just replying now.

Tayla

[Elsye]

Please do not say you are not worth the effort. You are and you deserve to be happy. I know it’s been awhile since you posted this, I hope you have found some relief. You are not alone, I feel like I am not worth the effort either. But I’m sure others would disagree with me. Best wishes