I can't get the help I need because I look normal

[Happiness_I_Miss_You]

Hi there,

I wondered if anyone else has been turned away numerous times because they appear normal? What can be done?

I have been diagnosed with Anxiety, major depression, bipolar and OCD and have been for 15 plus years. I also have PTSD from an abusive relationship I recently escaped from.

I have been put on meds and have a psychologist through a Medicare plan so my GP has listened to me to a point.

But I had to run away from my ex with my 4 kids alone because he was threatening to come kill me after I kicked him out. I truely believe he is capable of killing me and the stress of fleeing from my rental into a new rental was absolute hell, I was finally free though (well I hope I am), and he is jail again for abusint his recent new gf.

anyway I am now a single mum on the pension with 4 kids and much too mentally unwell to work. My ex ruined me so much I lost my job. I am now paying rent absolutely beyond my means and the owners have sold the house and I have to be out in 8 weeks. I have known this for sometime and have a case worker and a tenancy support worker although they keep saying I doing well and I need to find another rental, in other words they will not help me with housing of any kind.

i am so so so far from doing well, I am in said in the darkest place I have EVER been. I am constantly angry at my kids, constantly so stressed I can't handle any basic tasks. I look well presented and so does my home because I have OCD and anxiety about being a "perfect" person in fear of being judged. I feel as soon as someone sees me or my house they refuse to help. sometimes I feel so dark and clouded I just don't want to be here and no one cares.

has anyone else had this happen?

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Happiness,

You must believe that you're not as far from doing well as you think you are. You have managed to do A LOT so far . You have got yourself and your children away from an abusive ex partner which is no small feat. The fact that you are “ keeping up appearances” is also a bonus as it is, I think, helpful to your children to have a household that is at least functional on some levels. You clearly are a strong woman.

However, I can see that the cost of all this is enormous on you and it is not sustainable without some extra support.

I hear conflicting things in your post - that you need help but you don’t get it or maybe don’t know how to ask for it? You have a case worker and a tenancy support worker but they somehow don’t get how bad things are. Why not ? Maybe it is because of what you say in the next paragraph .. anxiety about being a perfect person and being judged. Is it possible that you are so anxious about being judged and wanting to seem like a good mother and a capable person that you are embarrassed to tell them that you are sinking under the pressure.

I get that, but I also think that it is a very adult and responsible thing to admit when you need help and calmly and openly state what you need to the people who can maybe help to support you. So sitting with your GP or your support workers and spelling out what you are experiencing and what your concerns are for yourself and your children, I feel will not be judged as stupid or incapable but as the actions of a responsible and caring mother.

Write a list of all your concerns. Write down what you feel would make a big difference to your life. It could be things like - finding secure rental accommodation, or navigating Centrelink. It could be that you find it hard to get a particular child to school. It could be that one is not reading well and you worry about that . It could be that you worry about paying for your phone bill or food. Put it all down and then maybe you can work on strategies with your case worker for each concern.

Instead of feeling like a failure , my hope is that it will allow you to feel like you are taking control !

[geoff]

hello, I am devastated by the behaviour of your ex, something no one should ever have to put up with, there can never be any excuses to his madness, and pleased that you are away from him, even though he's in jail once again.
The behaviour of your ex would have clouded your friends from wanting to be any part in helping you because they fear any reprisals when he is released.
Are you able to go and see an Anglicare office where they are able to try and find you residence for you and the kids, they were such an enormous help to me when I was struggling with debts as well as depression, the other point is that centrelink are able to support you with rent assistance when you rent a house/flat or unit.
I also have OCD for about 57 years, so I know how you are thinking, so I hope that you can get back to us, to tell us what is going on. Geoff.x