How to tackle my perceived "resistance to change" in therapy?

[glowbrain]

My therapist (“Dr D”) got frustrated, labelling me resistant to change. I reject the claim stated that generalised. However, there is a pattern over my life and the year with Dr D which could be reasonably interpreted that way.
Dr D’s homework assignment: why I am resistant? I’m at a loss how to start. If it was that easy to uncover, I’d have found clarity some time in my previous multiple decades of talking, writing and reading about a maladjusted life.
I did extended work on my mental illnesses and personal struggles, and intermittently saw positive or dismaying results from professionals, programs and peer support groups. Including discouragement with, and/or criticism about: SSRIs, SNRIs, CBT, ACT, DBT, 12-Step programs, mindfulness, EFT, etc.
I have several ideas about what is critical for changes, shared with Dr D. She dismissed most as either too academic, or too situation-specific, or too much about distancing from my own emotions and experiences, or too depersonalised to offer ways to take responsibility.
For an example, I have had chaotic sleep patterns for years. I started trialling a new medication, forcing me to be consistent rising, eating then dosing before 8AM in order to avoid problems with the medication suppressing my appetite or later interfering with my sleep.
I worked on my morning routine, but failed to tackle my social-media-until-after-1AM habit. My earlier rising produced fatigue that muddled the potential benefits of the medication. I saw this as doing the best I can with my limited self-control and attention. Dr D apparently sees it as me sabotaging the meds trial, or me blaming professionals for not giving me infallibly complete instructions. I should be taking more responsibility to do problem-solving to get on top of both my sleep and my medication in a way that works for me.
Could there be some motivation that explains me not being fully enthusiastic about trialling the medication? That also throws light on my alphabet soup of past discouragements and rejections above? Seems unlikely.
Should I try exercises built abound finding your place on the "stages of change" aka Prochaska's Transtheoretical model?
Writing a play splitting myself into an enthusiastic persona versus a negative one to have them talk it out?
Analyzing a table of pros and cons?
Imagining a rock-bottom catastrophe that would make imperfect remedies seem worth it?
Something else? What?

[Sophie_M]

Hello Glowbrain,

Thank you for finding the courage to post on the forum.

We are glad to see that you are working with a psychologist. The psychologist's job is to help you figure out what is going on inside your thoughts and emotions.

It is very difficult to know what is actually going on inside ourselves. It is easier to see what is going on with other people. This, in fact, is one of the benefits of these forums, we can give and get input from others, which we can then evaluate to see if it makes sense inside ourselves, similar to what goes on between the patient and the psychologist.

If it is acceptable for you, you might consider asking yourself, what is it that your psychologist is seeing in you that you are unable to see in yourself, or perhaps, what is it that your psychologist is not seeing in you that they usually see in most people.

Thank you for joining our caring and helpful community, and we look forward to your ongoing participation.

Sophie M.
 

[geoff]

Hello Glowbrain, sometimes the psychologist may be uncertain of the direction we are going or can be confused in knowing, as our story may be changed from one session to another, so to stablise our thinking they give us tasks to try and focus us back.

If we are unable to achieve any of this, then the psych has to dig deeper.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi glowbrain

You sound like a naturally intelligent person. Sometimes natural intelligence and professional intelligence can clash. For example, a naturally intelligent person will feel the need to state logical conclusions. Such a feeling will drive them to verbal expression. If a med's not working or a form of therapy's obviously not working they may simply state 'It's not working, let's move on. Why waste time on what's not working'. While this is logical, they may be mislabeled as 'Confrontational and/or resistant'.

A naturally intelligent person would state 'If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't be in this situation'. Makes perfect sense. Such a person may be left to wonder 'Why is this psychological detective unable to detect what's truly going on?'.

A different approach to 'Why am I resistant to change?' could be 'I'll know what will change me when I face it and feel it. Until then, all I can identify with is what's not working'. Sometimes a depressing process of elimination. Another way of phrasing this could be 'I have not yet been offered anything that makes a significant difference'. Personally, I've found nothing will change me unless I can relate to it. How can something non relatable change us? Doesn't make sense.

Takes energy to change. With mental and physical exhaustion, such factors can make change almost impossible at times. Personally, if I'm sleep deprived I can barely function. With treatment for sleep apnea, I notice the difference when I've neglected the treatment. I'm barely motivated to do anything, let alone make major changes in my life. A lack of energy (like the type that comes with restorative sleep) can really throw a spanner in the works. Do you believe it's a perfectly logical conclusion to address your love of social media, why it exists, before blaming you for it? Me, I love YouTube because I'm an info junkie. I crave information with a passion, a little too much at times, which can get in the way of life 🙂

I imagine your ideas to be brilliant, based on the ones you've considered exploring. I'm a gal who really needs to implement changes. You sound like a great resource.

When 'the observer' in us chimes in, it typically does so in a rather emotionally detached purely objective way. In my opinion, a psych should never dismiss hearing from 'the observer' in us. Btw, your play idea reminds me a little of that 'angel on one shoulder, devil on the other' scenario, playing out in front of the observer 🙂