First Psychiatrist Visit Ever / So Many Issues To Mention

Izzieste · ‎26-09-2020

Hi everyone,

after struggling with mental health pretty much my entire life (I'm now in my 40s) I have finally accepted my GPs referral to a psychiatrist.

I've always felt a sense of being disconnected from everyone. I am highly sensitive to people as well as noise and bright lights. I feel drained after being around people or in brightly lit and noisy shopping centres. I also feel very stressed and anxious in a messy room or office.

I'm afraid of heights, being immersed in water (so no pool, ocean, boats or water-based activities), bridges, spiders, snakes, medical procedures and I am claustrophobic.

I do not cope well with chaos, which is making life and work very challenging because there no longer seems to be a lot of stability in life or work. I feel a bit calmer when there is order and structure, routine. I have low self-esteem, body image and trust issues. I have a type A, perfectionist personality and very high expectations of myself and life. I feel angry and frustrated all the time and emotional outbursts, after which I feel mortified and embarrassed. I've gradually been withdrawing from people to the point where I no longer see anyone outside work and my family lives overseas. I avoid dating completely as well because it seems like such a huge effort with a lot of risk of rejection and being on an emotional rollercoaster.

I have a feeling I have lifelong GAD and depression, but for a while I've been feeling like there is more going on, like a mood or personality disorder. I've been taking medication for a few months but don't feel like it's helping me enough and overall my mental health is rapidly declining. I can't afford to lose my job so I feel like I have no choice but to get a proper diagnosis to help my GP and psychologist work out what approach might work better for me.

At the same time, I am very nervous about what a psychiatrist will say. I have so many issues I don't even know where to start. Should I make a list before I go to maximise my appointment time? Do they just ask questions or do any other assessments? Can they force you to go to hospital without your consent? My gut feeling tells me I need to just stop thinking about it and just go, but it's a bit nerve-wracking at the same time.

smallwolf · ‎10-02-2021

hi Izzieste, it can be really frustrating when you are doing as you are told and it does not appear to work. And I am not saying it is or is not working. For myself there are times when I have to force myself to do something outside. It will take about 10-15 min before I start to feel anything.

I have posted this story in a few places now....

A windy track is what the sheep uses to get to the other side of the
paddock and out the gate. One day the sheep tried a faster route - more
direct. Problem was the sheep had to create this route which was
overgrown, long grass, rocky, fallen branches. It didn't work. Feeling
beaten, the sheep went back to the old path. The next day tried the new
route again. The same problem occurred. Again went back to the old path.
This pattern repeated but over time the new path became more defined
and the old path was getting overgrown and started using newer path more
often. Until one day... the new path became the normal was of getting
to the gate and not the old path.

you have seeing a professional for help and are trying new things. compare this to going on the new path. it might not be working so you go back to the path. Perhaps tomorrow you will use the new path again?

Sometimes things can take a while to "click" ... I was watching a video on YouTube. ... the presenter was showing an exercise on a guitar and said (along the lines of) ... we all learn at differents speeds. some may perfect the exercise in a day some 2 days. others might take a month, or 3 months or a year.

I would compare my mental health with other illness.... get better and normal again. It took a very long time for me to accept it might be with me forever. So when I see my psychologist and talk with them it is a chance for me to get off my chest things that I cannot talk to others about which itself can be helpful.

Peace to you, Tim

Izzieste · ‎11-02-2021

Thank you Tim, I like the story about the sheep. You're right, maybe I just have to keep trying different things and do them consistently enough to notice enough of an improvement.

Izzie

smallwolf · ‎11-02-2021

hi Izzieste,

sometimes we have to work out what works for us and sometimes what may work for others may not work for us and so have to work out what works for us individually. My psych. suggest I read a book called "the happiness trap" and in one chapter listed a number of ways of dealing with negative thoughts. The few ideas that had been suggested to me did not work, but some of the other ideas near the end of the list did work. Trying new things and if you find they work... keep going with them and who knows....

missep123 · ‎13-02-2021

Hi Izzieste,

Thank you for checking in, I'm so sorry to hear that it has been tough 😞

Is there anything alternatively that could help? Do you have any hobbies?

Have you ever tried meditation? For some people it works and for some people it doesn't. I personally have liked it to help me sleep. Good sleep helps to increase my mood but it can be hard to get a good nights sleep when there are a lot of thoughts running around!

We are here for you!

Izzieste · ‎14-02-2021

Thanks missep123. I do things I like but I usually feel like I'm just dragging myself through the day. Other people possibly wouldn't even notice I have mental health issues, but internally I always struggle. Meditation works for me sometimes but not enough to have a significant impact.

geoff · ‎14-02-2021

Hello Izzieste, meditation, I believe may only be helpful when a person is capable to move on, because when someone is deep in any type of depression their thoughts are always negative, it doesn't allow us to move on by meditating, the same thoughts keep coming back and our gut instincts find that what we are thinking about or trying to meditate don't seem to be realistic and not enough to have a significant impact.

You can never reach the end of a rainbow, it's like an optical illusion and no matter how much you move, the rainbow will always be the same distance away from you, that's what depression feels like and does to us until eventually there is a breakthrough, then we can concentrate to face these issues front on and slowly sort them out.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

smallwolf · ‎14-02-2021

Hi everyone,

It is true that for some people meditation can have a negative effect. Perhaps when in a depressive state doing meditation with someone might be more helpful than going it alone. It will be hard or seem impossible with negative thoughts when trying to do some form of meditation. Perhaps rather than thinking it didn't work, think that I did the best I could. And perhaps over time it will get easier. It doesn't mean that feeling of discomfort won't disappear. Instead I might be able to look at challenges as part of life. Hope that makes sense.

missep123 · ‎17-02-2021

Hi everyone and Izzieste,

I agree, I think everyone has a different relationship with different techniques i.e. meditation. For me it's my anxiety and whenever I focus on it, I have to admit that at times it can make it stronger. One thing that I've been trying to implement is to change my relationship with these thoughts that might come up. Rather than be ashamed or embarrassed I look at the root cause and see it as a learning experience.

Someone once told me that everything we go through is as though we are creating new chapters in our life. Everything, the good and the bad, could be considered chapters in our development and self-awareness. Everyone is so different though so it's really great to learn about everyone's experiences and what works for them!