Hi, I’ve had
depression and anxiety for around 5 years. I started seeing a doctor and
psychologist about it last year when I realized it was heavily affecting me at
work. For a long time I was telling myself that I was just being a sook, I even
thought that some symptoms like being tired all the time were normal, and I guess
that’s what I was hearing around me as well – things like: “cheer up, life’s
not so bad”. This year I started trying anti depressants, which have been
amazing for sleep, but not seeing any improvements with mood, now waiting to
see where to go next with medication. It also wasn’t until this year that I
have started talking about it with friends and family.
The sessions with the
psychologist are hard, I’m doing everything she’s suggesting and I think the
hardest thing is not seeing any results yet, seems like a huge amount of effort
that’s not really going anywhere.
I know I need to work
on my communication skills, I feel a lack of deep and meaningful friendships
where we would have common interests and really get to know each other, the friendships
I have feel so shallow right now. I’ve gone out a lot this year, pushed through
the anxiety and met people, however, I’ll probably never see them again. Not
really sure how to take that next step to becoming closer friends and I have
always been a fairly quiet person, so starting conversations in the first place
is already a difficult task.
I feel guilty for
feeling like this, there’s nothing terribly wrong in my life, there are so many
people worse off than me and I don’t understand why I find it so hard to cope. I
can’t relax even when I’m at home, I don’t know how many times I’ve edited this
post now, the only
time I have relief from the anxiety is when the depression gets so bad that
nothing matters anymore. The more I do to help myself and realize nothing’s
changed the more I feel hopeless. How do you measure improvement? I’m told that
I’m doing healthy things but I’m still in that haze, confused and like a zombie
living a pointless half-life.
