Feelings/Obsessive thoughts about my psychologist

[Lucy7]

Hi all,

I have been seeing my psychologist for 2 years now and for the most part the sessions are helpful and rewarding. I mostly feel listened to and respected and she is certainly the best "fit" that i have experienced.

The problem is that i am totally obsessed with her. Not romantically or sexually, but i cannot get her out of my head, i think about her constantly, i have found her and her husband on facebook and can spend hours looking at photos of her and her life, sometimes i co-ordinate my day so that i will be passing her office as she arrives just to catch a glance at her... Wow! When i write this out it seems terrible! Her presence calms me and i am more obsessive when i am feeling low or going through a rough patch...

i feel that it is impacting the relationship as i am self conscious about it then when i see her (she doesn't know) and i cannot communicate clearly about my thoughts. I have done lots of reading about transference and i am sure my feelings are 'normal' but sometimes the intensity of the obsession scares me slightly... Once i saw her pull out of her office car park and considered following her to see where she lives?!

i am terrified to talk to her about this as i am afraid of loosing the relationship as she has been so helpful to me on my journey to recovery.

Any advice, tips or shared experiences would be appreciated.

[CJames]

Hi Lucy7,

It's terrific to see you have such a great connection with your psychologist. It's excellent to see the sessions are rewarding and have helped you.

This is not something you see every day, but it's nothing to be ashamed of either. Obsession is an entirely healthy and natural thing; the passion might even be outlining a tricky situation in your life.

Transference is a great thing to bring up with your psychologist; it allows you to create an even stronger connection. Speak your mind to your psychologist, no matter if you feel weird, or silly about the concern.

You might even find that after speaking about it, the "impact" will disappear and you will be able to communicate clearly.

If you've done so well communicating with her over the past two years, you should be fine speaking to her about this. I know there's that worry and I can completely understand the idea of losing a relationship can be hard for someone.

You might find the transference is a symptom of what you're discussing or you require a strong bond with someone to survive.

As you mentioned after doing some reading, it's best to discuss the feeling rather than hold it in.

It might be a suggestion to speak with someone from Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636, to discuss it further, express your options.

I wish you the best of luck,

Keep us updated.

C.

[geoff]

Hello Lucy, and please let me welcome you to the site.

Transference with your psychologist or counsellor means a couple of things, first that you feel comfortable to open up to them or alternatively when you start to discuss any relationships about anyone all you do is focus on your psychologist so not much is talked about.

C.James makes some good points, however the opposite side to this is that transference is going to make your sessions difficult, there will be issues you won't want to answer, perhaps even blush too, indicating something to the psychologist.

Obsessions with your counsellor will certainly happen when they are able to uncover your secrets, that's such a relief, but when your obsession begins.

If this is disclosed and she knows there maybe a chance that she suggests you seeing another psychologist, but there could be problems if this happens.

Firstly you will feel disappointed and your condition maybe affected, and secondly, you have to like this new psychologist.

I wish you all the best.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey Lucy,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post.

I'm not sure how helpful I can be given that you've had such great advice already but I just wanted to link to another thread discussing it -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/treatments-health-professionals-and-therapies/i-have-developed-feelings-for-my-psychologist#qpnyjXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

You are absolutely right in that what is happening is transference and it's good that you're recognising what's happening. I also agree that it's good to talk to your psychologist about it, as even though it is terrifying - they will understand and already be familiar with it.

Feel free to post back if you want to talk more - or even if you have any questions! As you can probably see from the other post I have a lil experience in it too.

[Evie81]

Hi Lucy,

I understand this now an older post and you have already received some really helpful responses. I just wanted to add that you are not alone with this.

I experienced transference with my first psychiatrist. It obviously helped that he was a bit of a silver fox but it was more the environment he was providing. He made me feel understood, protected but above all fathered.

He wouldn’t hide that he looked forward to my visits and would comment on my appearance in an approving but not sexual way - I now understand this was perhaps unethical. He helped in my career by connecting me to some of his other clients, one that I befriended and ended up going on holiday with. What transpired was that she felt the same way.

I developed what could almost be described as romantic feelings for him. I would dress up to go and see him and would give him presents, that he should not have accepted of course.

If you google his name now it surfaces in several court cases, some featured in gossip newspapers. I won’t go into details to protect his identity but let’s just say that it has been questioned if he unlawfully legally aided some attractive female clients.

Still he was the best psychiatrist I ever saw and this probably because of the transference. It was Freud who recognised it as a tool for a better therapeutic relationship and something to be explored rather than hidden. I hope you can bring this up with your therapist and explore its deeper meanings.


All the best to you!

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Lucy7,

Thank you for your post and honesty OMG I can so relate.

I have been seeing my psychologist for 5years and I too think of her every day. To be honest, it pretty much has stopped there but I have searched for her on fb.

For me, I think it's because she's the only person in this whole world who listens to me and actually hears me. She's basically the mum i will never have - lol.

I feel like a freak and I have never had the guts to tell her or anyone else. I'm the same in that it's only when I'm at my lowest. Thanks so much for your post Lucy7. Do you mind me asking - did you decide to tell your psychologist?

Take care Lucy7 xx

[Lucy7]

Hey Lee lee,

we sound like we are in very similar thought processes!

Ultimately i haven't told her about my ongoing thoughts about her. Ive noticed that they become worse when i am in a peak emotional state, be it a "good" place or an unstable emotional one. I believe that i associate her with calmness, security and solutions so on one hand i can logic away the thoughts because if im feeling off balance it would be normal to want to regain my balance with her.

I almost spoke to her about it recently, i made a suggestion of it in my journal which she occasionally reads and even that little bit she was totally fine about!

Often i think these things are worse in my head!

Thanks for your reply

Lucy x