Feeling hopeless

[Vin31]

Hi there,

I haven’t posted on the forum before, but I’ve been going through a really awful time lately. I’ve been admitted to the ward twice in the last 8 or so months and have changed medications countless times over the last 8 years (when I was first diagnosed with depression, which is now dysthymia with major depressive episodes, anxiety, bipolar tendencies, and the list continues).

I’m in a really dark place lately. Feels like life is getting on top of me and I’d really like it all to end. I have a really loving family and partner and I’d never want to hurt them, so I guess I find myself stuck between dealing with my own hopelessness and suicidal thoughts, while feeling like I can’t go through with them because I don’t want to hurt my loved ones that way.

I’ve tried around 6 different medications over my journey, and have been on my current one around 8 weeks. I feel absolutely awful, and I guess I’m losing hope that anything out there will bring me out of this dark place. The idea of feeling this way potentially forever is exhausting, and it’s so difficult to deal with the idea that I might be a burden to the ones I love for the rest of my life.

I guess I’m posting here looking for hope. Has anyone on here experienced a tough and long journey with their mental health, tried multiple therapies and medications, etc. and come out on top?

Any kindness would be much appreciated.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Vin31, 

We are really sorry to hear that are you feeling this way, it must be incredibly difficult to be managing all of those mental health diagnoses at once. We can see that you have a huge amount of strength because it must have taken so much courage to make this post to the forums. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. We can hear that you are in a dark place right now and trying to get your treatment right, it is great to hear that you have a team supporting you on that journey. 

Welcome to the forums, we are sure you find this a warm and welcoming community full of people who care for you and want what is best. 

We think that is might be time for you to give our phoneline a call on 1300 22 4636 so that you can talk through these feelings and thoughts you are having. Our team can help you process your emotions and offer strategies for managing your distress. We are here for you 24/7 if you ever need us. 
If you prefer, you can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14 - they are also kind, understanding and helpful. 

Please remember that if you ever feel unsafe, this is an emergenecy and you should call 000 straight away. 

Thank you again for posting to the forums today. You never know who will see this post and feel less alone in their own situation. Please feel free to keep us updated on how you are feeling if you feel comfortable. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Aaronsis]

Hello Vin31

Kindness and hope are in abundance here as you will find so many others feeling very similar to how you are feeling, have a story very similar to yours or know of a time when they did, and have found hope and have found that the dark times become brighter.

I am so proud you have found yourself reaching out here today when you can see no end to your darkness and when you feel so defeated and that the meds are just not going to work and that there is little hope. We are here with you and I am here with you. While I don't know exactly how you are feeling right now I want to listen and to chat with you about anything you want to share and get off your chest about how things are right now, or even how you would like them to be.

I understand what you are saying in that you do have wonderful supports and a loving partner, but as we know just because we have a great external life, it is no guarantee that ill mental health will not find us. I can imagine that you have been told how much they love you and that you are not a burden, I also understand it can be completely unable to be believed too. You are not a burden and they are not better off without you, that I can absolutely say!

I am pleased that you have been able to get some support from the hospital and that you have sort help in your times of need, this is so wise of you and so very important. The journey to wellness, or even just feeling somewhat better can be long, and it can feel like there is no hope, however, your strength and your determination to find some help with guide you through this. You have reached out here and I am sure that you have read others posts too, if only to know you are not alone and you are not a burden, that is something wonderful to know today.

You matter so very much and there are good days ahead, I would like to chat some more to you if you would like, about anything you would like to get off your chest or even some of the things that you like to do in your life.

Virtual hugs to you

Stay strong, you are loved.

Sarah xx

[geoff]

Hello Vin, thanks for coming to the site and to answer your question is yes, I tried a countless number of AD's and the first was that I couldn't raise any libido for a male, not that I wanted to anyway, but for a male, it's still important they still have this function, especially when growing up and there was never a problem to then not being able to perform, so once I told the doctor they stopped it immediately, I wasn't told to gradually reduce it as other people have said and then told to take another one straight away.

It was a long road to be able to see any light and there were periods when I felt much better but when something suddenly happened that went against my grain I'd fall back, so I hadn't overcome my problems.

I understand it can be a slow process and appreciate we have to take one day at a time.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Guest9337]

G'day Vin31,

Sounds like you are in a tough place right now, plenty here on bb share that experience in some way shape or form, including me.

Yep, used lots of different meds over the years. Yep tried various services. Keep stepping forward, keep doing the things that matter.

Pay the bills, do the chores, get good sleep and rest, spend time or communicate with friends and family. Have a passionate hobby, find what makes you feel hopeful, thoughtful and happy - make practicing those things a habit every day, maybe even every hour.

What do you like doing?

Whom do you love?