Difficulties Understanding Treatment

[P12]

Counsellors and psychologists to whom I have spoken have told me to identify my long term goals and strive for their achievement. But my attempts have been unsuccessful because I lack the practical skills for achievement and that has caused me greater dissatisfaction than before I attempted to achieve the goals. What is the reason for this strategy and why are counsellors and psychologists unwilling or unable to give me practical advice?

I identified the technical topic most interesting to me, looked for collaborators, and asked for support to pursue my interest. I found only two people in Australia with similar interests and believe they are unwilling to collaborate with me because by discrediting me their circumstances will improve. The feedback I received about my requests for support is that the topic is not relevant to society. Instead I am expected to perform a job for which I am imperfect and therefore I am excluded because my processes and ideas are different to the industry. Is it true that society's objective is for greater normality and what is the reason for such a strange aspiration? Why does society reject people who are different? Why does society not allow me to pursue my individual interests and talents? What is the purpose of living if society has no use for my talents and the role that society would have me fulfil causes me trauma?

I was told that independence will not cause me long term satisfaction. Yet, as I have tried unsuccessfully for more than ten years to form a friendship, I question this assertion. The prevailing strategy suggested to me for gaining friends is to participate in activities I enjoy as there I am most likely to meet others with similar interests and beliefs. What is the purpose of living if society directs me to one outcome but it cannot provide the means to achieve that outcome? Surely independence is a far more effective solution.

I'm pretty sure I am lonely. I would like to have a friendship or at least feel welcome in society. But my efforts never seem to work. People make suggestions but I must be special because they don't work for me. The harder I try, the more independent I become, because my methods appear stranger to others, and the less liked I become. I really don't understand the society in which I live. I wish I wasn't so sad.

I often cry uncontrollably and am unable to sleep when I realise I will not achieve my desires and there is nothing I can do about it. My life is apparently meaningless.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I think you’re mixed emotions following the recent traumatic incidents is to be expected.

The way I would describe this (remember I’m not a doctor, just a mum) is that the serious distress you experienced pushed you “out of your window”.

Imagine a window frame. And inside the frame, spanning the width, is a straight line across the middle with lots of highs and lows. The highs reflect all the times in the day we feel happy, straight line reflects when we’re going okay, and lows reflect when we’re troubled or upset. But the lines never go out of the frame and we can generally cope.

Now when an incident occurs that really upsets us, it pushes out of our window to a place where we don’t cope well, where we feel unwell and often don’t make good decisions. This is what happened to you, twice.

So, now you are working to get back in your window. Give it time and be kind to yourself. If you need to speak with a counsellor, please don’t hesitate to ring the bb support line.

I’ve got to run but will come back soon to talk about the other issues you raised.

Kind thoughts to you

[Summer Rose]

Hi again P12

I’m so glad that you enjoyed the book. From what you had shared previously with me I had really hoped it would resonate with you.

I believe that you can have empathy with God, nature and humans. It could be argued that you have already achieved this, as you’ve made a forum friend—me. It’s my opinion that it’s possible to achieve both of your goals.

I really encourage you to think about an animal friend. Let’s address your concerns.

Time. The time required to care for a pet will vary with the animal you choose. For example a dog will require more time as compared to a cat, bird or reptile. Not all animals require a huge time commitment.

Cost. It is possible to adopt cats and dogs from shelters, which reduces your up front fees. It is also possible to obtain pet insurance to help with vet bills. Food is ongoing no doubt.

Empathy. Having a pet will provide you with an opportunity to move beyond yourself to connect with another being. Being kind and gently handling and caring for your animal is a way to learn empathy. And animals can’t speak. You will also learn to understand your pet’s non-verbal communication in order to understand its needs and then meet those needs. All of this is learning empathy.
On the mental health front, many studies have shown that animals provide people with a purpose, which in turn helps to improve anxiety and depression.

Please know that I’m not trying to talk you into getting a pet. Entirely your decision. I’m just giving you food for thought.

Kind thoughts to you

[P12]

I'm sorry that I cried again yesterday. I feel I am unable to properly express my distress and overcome it.

[Summer Rose]

I’m concerned about you, P12. Are you safe? If this feels like an emergency please call 000.

Please know that you are not alone and it’s okay to cry. Sometimes it is a really helpful and healthy release. There is no need to apologise, ever.

I understand that you currently feel you won’t overcome your distress. I encourage you to believe that this dark cloud will pass because it will. Hang in there.

I also understand that it’s hard to express how you feel. Emotions can be hard to identify and confusing. It’s okay.

Perhaps you could book an appointment with one of your counsellors or GP? You will likely need to wait anyway and hopefully by then you’ll be ready to talk.

To get immediate support please call the bb support line.

Your are in my heart and thoughts.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

Yes I am safe.

[Summer Rose]

That’s good news, P12.

We’re all here for you if, and when, you want to engage.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

I cried again today. I will continue praying for understanding.

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re crying. Hugs to you.

I know it’s tough for you right now and I wish it wasn’t so. Please remember that this period of pain will pass.

When I’m really sad I usually give myself permission to cry and work through my feelings for a few days and then push myself to try and get back into life. It’s not easy, I know.

Do you think you could try to take a walk? Or, perhaps listen to some music you like? What about treating yourself to something special? Could be anything you really enjoy. 
Another strategy is to allow yourself to think about your troubles for a limited time each day, then visualise putting them in a box high up on a cupboard shelf, and then get busy. Sometimes when our hands are busy it distracts our mind.

Be gentle in yourself.

Kind thoughts to you 

[P12]

I would like to provide an update on my recent activities.

I have consulted two counsellors over the past month. As both are short term counsellors, I really can't say that I have felt strong progress in understanding my underlying difficulties and formulating strategies for improvement. I at least have had someone to speak to and received tiny insights into how I could improve my life. For example, through discussion, I believe I do have some natural empathy with other humans, though as it is less than almost all others I have met, I haven't progressed to forming compassion with another person. 

I contributed to two other forum threads. The first to help me understand the principles of acceptance and commitment theory. The second to help me understand how I may further improve my sleep.

I have a meeting with my normal psychologist next week. I continue to search for another long term practitioner. I have found this difficult because I remain confused about whether psychologists are willing to work with patients seeing multiple practitioners, logistically some practitioners would be too difficult to see, the cost would be too great, or their speciality doesn't suit me.

I am on leave from my work for one month. I hope to return refreshed. Recently I had a small realisation about how I could apply my interests in a way that I had not fully considered previously. I continue to exercise actions outside work that I hope will bring me satisfaction. Generally they seem to have had only tiny success over the past months.

I decided to obtain a small plant. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi P12

Wow! You are really kicking goals. Well done, my friend.

I love that you have tried participating on other threads. I think it’s a really good way for you to learn about the struggles of other people and gain insight and practice empathy. And, I hope it was helpful to you with your sleep issues.

Getting a plant was a great idea. Now you have something to care for and nurture, which is so beautiful. What kind of plant did you choose?

I love African violets and always have them on a window sill—a habit I copied from my Grandma. Having these plants in my home helps to keep her close to my heart.

I really hope you enjoy your break from work. Take some time to spoil yourself and congratulate yourself on your many achievements—you deserve it.

Kind thoughts to you