Depression & Anxiety - Downward Spriral

[EllaElla]

Hi,

Im 29 years old and have been suffering from Panic Disorder for 9 years. Within the last 2 years I have also been suffering from Depression. I have been on an SSRI & anti-anxienty medication which enabled me to live a normal life.

However, within the last few months my doctor has been unable to prescribe me the anti-anxiety medication i have been taking for 9 years and has changed my medication, three times! None of them work as well as my original medication did.

I feel like I am drowning all the time and have no motivation to leave my house. I've quit my job because

I kept having panic attacks at work so needed to avoid the place. I am starting to avoid everything and everyone because my panic attacks are constant. I broke up with my long time partner, I dont see any of my friends anymore. I have no motivation to live.

Has anyone else experienced something similar when being made to change anti-anxiety medications?

I have tried on multiple occasions see a Psychologist but it never really helped me.

I feel lost and I don' t know what to do. My depression is getting worse with each day and my anxiety levels are always high so i avoid everything and everyone to try and prevent my panic attacks. I am on the highest dose SSRI so i cant up my medication, and haven't been able to find a fast acting anti-anxiety medication.

The way I see it, if this is how my life is going to be then i don't see any point in living. Constant sadness that no one seems to understand and panic attacks everyday. Who would want to live a life like this? If it hasn't gone away after 9 years i don't think it ever will. Just wish I could disappear. 😞

Anyone else out there feel the same? Or am I the only one losing my mind.....



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[EllaElla]

Just to clarify, I do have an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow. I will tell him how this change in medication has affected me and see what can be done.

Would still love to hear from people who have managed to pull themselves out of this deep depression and constant anxiety.

[white knight]

Hi EllaElla, a warm welcome here on BB forums

I wont be able to answer all of your questions but I can try to answer a couple.

Boy, you are suffering arent you? I've had one major panic attack in my life mistakenly believed to be a heart attack at 31yo (I'm 58 now) Along with anxiety I have depression dysthymia and bipolar 2.

In fact my sadness (not to be confused with depression) is similar to what you are feeling. That is where my dysthymia lies. Sad poetry, sad thoughts, everything is sad. So I'm tempted to say check it out. I'm not qualified to say however. Bare in mind I was misdiagnosed for many years as having bipolar 1 and subsequently took the wrong medication.

I'm really hoping I can convince you to get a second opinion. Once I was correctly diagnosed by a brilliant psychiatrist and the right medication I have improved out of sight.

You can turn this around. You are aware this is destroying your life. You can do it. I'm 100% convinced of it. Baby steps. Now that you are not working, I suggest you visit another doctor for other referals, start fresh.

Post here anytime. Many do. Stay in touch. You'd be amazed at the benefits. read up on other threads.  Hang in there. We are listening. We have been there and are still here....

[gremz]

I feel the same quite often. Sometimes I forget what it feels like to be happy, or even to just not be drowning in despair, to enjoy something, to just stand being in my own skin. But I always get better, and I'v now started trying to recall memories of happiness, of the thoughts and beliefs I had. Even writing them down at the time to read later when I forget what its like. Maybe I can't feel the relief I used to, but I can remember that it exists.

I'm glad you are going to address that issue with your doctor, (or try someone else if he doesn't listen). There are a lot of long term effects from stopping an anti-anxiety medication suddenly, and these can last a long time. Sometimes it takes the brain a long time to readjust. Why did he take you off them in the first place if they were working?

Hope you feel better soon.

[EllaElla]

Thank you so much for your kind words white knight, I actually haven't ever had a second opinion so that is something I will definitely look into. Maybe another doctor will be able to help.

[Johnny_Citizen]

Hi EllaElla, I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this. Yes, I get it and no, you are definitely not losing your mind. I have been dealing with panic for years also. It seems very logical to ask these questions given what you/we are going through.

You have probably heard this before - but the key for me is to look at panic in two ways: firstly, from a purely physiological point of view and really focus on the physical mechanics of it. If you can begin to identify and recognise the physical responses for what they are without attaching any emotional meaning to them whatsoever - even though this seems impossible at times - you may find in time panic attacks make more sense on a non-emotional level. This is crucial. Once you feel this is something worth experimenting with you drive a wedge between the panic attacks and your emotions, which frees up some space to look at the situation differently. Then, you can then think about the triggers around you and start confronting avoidance very, very carefully and strategically. But it is really vital that you do what feels right for you and do not ever feel guilty about hibernating if you need to. You can absolutely get to a point where they no longer stop you doing the things you want to do all the time. And remember part of recovery is stumbling sometimes. 

Panic attacks do not define you. I admire you for speaking out about this.

[Darby_C]

Hi EllaElla 

 What a tough situation to be in, I really feel for you.  It sounds like you’re getting prescribed meds from your GP? And seeking extra support (counselling etc) from a psychologist (or at least attempting to find a good one)?  My husband has suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks for many years also (your story reminded me of his experience).  My husband also followed a course of medications as prescribed by his GP.  It helped on and off, with varying degrees of success, for years.  From our experience, the big turning point in terms of help was finding a good psychiatrist who just had a much deeper level of understanding in dealing with the specific issues my husband faces (depression, anxiety).  The psychiatrist was also able to offer a combined approach – talk therapy and drug therapy – and this really really helped as well.  It’s not that the GP wasn’t caring, and didn’t help, but unfortunately I think it was a case of - she didn’t know what she didn’t know. Seeing a psychiatrist who specialized in the field has helped my husband in really profound ways (but again, it all took time).  

 Really hope that a positive turning point is just around the corner for you, 

 Darby