Dear Maggie
Welcome to Beyond Blue. Congratulations on being able to manage your depression without the use of ADs. This is an achievement many people would like. I can relate to this as I have tried many ADs. Some are so mild they have no effect or so strong that I cannot tolerate the side effects. I have stopped taking ADs recently and learning to manage without them. So thank you for telling me I can succeed in this.
I also have the issues you describe. The past six months have been quite terrifying as I struggled to think clearly, read, remember etc. Now that the turmoil of the reaction to drugs has mostly gone I am beginning to regain control of my brain. At least, that's what it feels like. It truly is dreadful to struggle through the fog.
I discussed this with my GP who said it was a natural thing to feel this way due to the stress of my depression meltdown. Now it's all very well for her to say that, and I'm sure she is right, but it does not help when you are in that situation.
So what to do about it? Well I don't really know. It is clear to me that taking ADs may have some value in reducing the effects of depression but they do not 'cure' depression. And when we are struggling with depression and the side effects of ADs as well it seems more logical to go with one set of problems only. Why put up with additional difficulties when there is no long term benefit at the end of the day. Hence the decision not to take ADs. For those who find relief with ADs and no adverse side effects I think it's great. Go for it.
At this stage I am looking to manage the periodic overwhelming effects of depression and I have presumed the cognitive stuff is part of the package. However, in your experience I gather there are two components. The explosion of depression on occasions and the temporary loss of cognitive function to some extent. Managing one does not mean managing the other. Now that is a scary thought.
You have tried three ADs only I understand. Please don't bite me, but is it worthwhile to try a couple more? Also, I wonder if there is such a thing as a short term AD? Something that works in the way an antidepressant does in helping the brain to relax, or whatever, but only used for a short time until the depression storm has passed.
Alternatively, do you think it is possible to gain more control so that you do not have these meltdowns, as my GP calls them? That way the memory problems will not happen.
Or does this sound very much pie in the sky?
Mary
