Anxious that new GP I'm seeing tomorrow will be rude to me

[Hanna3]

Hi all,

I am seeing a new woman GP tomorrow. I moved to this town about three months ago and had a woman GP recommended to me. She was dreadfully rude, halved my anti-anxiety and sleeping medications at the first visit (when I was going through a lot of stress having moved to a new town) despite my having a letter from a specialist and my previous GP that they were happy with me on the dose I was on.

I asked for help with a toenail that is digging into my toe, I got a free visit to a podiatrist in the town where I lived before (pensioners get five free visits to allied health professionals in a calendar year) but because he was only getting the Medicare rebate for seeing me (yes I get that it's low but I worked and paid taxes for years so people in my position could have access to affordable health care) - anyway because of that he refused to clip the nail. So it's getting worse and painful. I told her and she said why should a podiatrist treat me when they only get $35 for seeing me. So that was that and I still have the problem.

I went back with breathing problems from the smoke here (we are very near major fires, air pollution is a real problem and I am asthmatic) and I was also suffering from heat exhaustion. I told her I was in a fibro house with no air conditioning and she replied I should not have air conditioning because it would increase my carbon footprint. We have hit mid to high 40s for months here. She is a GP married to a physician and I am sure she lives in a very comfortable home.

So then I heard from other people that she is nice to some patients and other people have found her so rude they have left to another practice or refuse to see her. So it's not just me.

I asked the reception staff who was nice and they recommended another GP at the same practice. I asked how to pronounce her surname and the staff said just to call her Dr Jane (I'm not using her real name). When she called me in and I called her Dr Jane she blasted me for not calling her Dr Surname (not first name).

I've had another woman doctor at the same practice recommended but I am frightened she will also be rude/nasty to me. I've never had such a problem before. How do I cope if she is, and how do I explain why I won't ever go back to the other woman doctor? This is for an authority script where the GP has to phone up to get the OK to give it to me. Am feeling really anxious another doctor is going to be rude to me. Any advice please?

[white knight]

Hi again,

What you are describing in my opinion is learning about the traps in life with humans and added to that is some sensitivity. Sensitivity is very common among anyone with a mental illness and you'll never shake it fully, although it becomes less as you age.

For example- I am bad at remembering names- really bad, so I gave up doing so. I refer to GP's as "Doc" which they can never criticise me for- they are a doctor right? Many years ago I called a toddler "Gracie" and was scolded by her father "her name is Grace"...big lesson there- real names only unless the parent call their child a shortened version.

I get a little annoyed by a neighbour that always called me "Mr Tony" instead of Tony and I dont know why but it did, I had to get over it.

In terms of the "carbon footprint" comment well that is ridiculous. The doctor isnt there to lecture you.

If you are a quick thinker, you can reply with some defence- eg "so do you drive or ride in a car"? or "I already have parents". Trouble is is will be taken rudely.

I had a rude doctor 15 years ago. So rude in fact I walked out which must be one of the worse things for a doctor- to be rejected from a patient. I see him walking around the surgery and have never been back to him. So you can exercise your rights and keep going until you find a GP with patience and calmness that will listen. Take a list with you of the things you want addressed and the first thing to say to him/her is "I'm very sensitive so I hope you will be good for me because I have a few problems".

read-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/wit---the-only-answer-for-torme...

Good luck

TonyWK

[Hanna3]

Thanks Tony. I'm not assertive enough but then you shouldn't have to be when you're visiting your general practitioner! I thought I'd tell the doctor tomorrow I don't like the other doctor's manner and therefore don't wish to go back to her.

Yes I should have got up and walked out. I'll try and be ready tomorrow but it's stressful having to worry about how a GP is going to behave to you - you naturally expect them to at least be polite!

Thanks for your help.

[white knight]

No worries Hanna

Even the best most confident people in the word use "Q" cards to read from like actors at the Golden Globes etc. So it i a way of not missing opportunities to write down what you'd like to say to this new doctor. You can tell her of your troubles with the other doctor but keep it brief as the new doctor wont want to talk about her other colleague too much.

Putting faith in other people is important because they are all different. You can let us know how you got on if you feel comfortable enough.

Deep breaths 30 minutes before you go in. Distract yourself by reading magasines in the waiting room.

TonyWK

[Lady_Nova]

I now have terrible anxiety around doctors, as well as my white coat syndrome which puts me in a fight or flight mode when asked ot my BP checked. I have asked not to have the machines because I find them really painful, but no one want to do BP checks manually anymore.

Here's my problem. I live in a small coastal, regional village. Doctors are few and they close their books and dont take on new patients ... for years! So when I found a place for my disabled family I took it. I since found out he know so very little about mental health, he fat shames and he belittles people. I have to see him at least every fortnight for scripts for my family and even my 25yo doesnt like seeing him alone.

I wont see him alone either. When my mental health comes up he prescribes self help books. When my knee shattered spontaneously, just walking on a flat surface and it went "POP!" he would not entertain my theory that I have EDS, despite my high brighton score. When I complained of being unable to eat and distressing gastric distress he just told me to lose weight and all my symptoms would just go away. % years later I had 1kg of scar tissue removed from around my stomach and esophagus causing an 80% obstruction.

I never feel heard and I always feel belittled. I put off going even when my symptoms are distressing. I hide my distress so no one will make me go.

I had to be there once when he read a report from my Psychologist. He was glib and just remarked on how chronic and extreme some of my symptoms were, but no apology or acknowledgment that my life is less than easy.

He asked once why I hadn't come to see him sooner and all I could say was that I didn't like him and I hated having to be there. He didn't bat an eye "I thought we got past all that" I said "I wonder at you thinking that was possible"

When you cant swap to another GP you just have to deal with the devil as best you can.

[calmseeker]

Hi Hanna,

You poor darling, being so anxious about your GP visit. I totally get this as I become anxious, for various reasons, also before an appointment. I read Tony WK's reply and I must thank him as he killed 2 birds with 1 stone and helped me also in his reply to you. I will reinforce Tony's advice to you about taking in a list to the appointment. This alone helps me stay on track and be concise with the GP, it stops me from forgetting important things I want to bring up with him. As I am always anxious at GP visits, I get a bit of cognitive decline happening and I really need that list with me. I just told him the first time I took it in that my memory is terrible when I am anxious so I have my trusty list with me.

As with every other profession, there are great GPs and not so great GPs. Some have a lot to answer for though! One particular clinic I visited had a practice where reception gave you a slip when you arrived on which you had to write a brief description of why you were there. I wrote that I needed prescriptions for the meds I was taking, one being an AD and the other being an anti anxiety drug. This doctor was in his 70's, obviously over it all and needing to retire, sounding a bit like a grumpy old man. He took my slip, read it and bellowed "My God, I have had nutcases all day! It must be my day for nutcases!" I was so shocked. Looking back I wish now I had of said something back but I was seriously shocked at his comment. Lucky I wasn't suicidal or in one of my worse anxiety bouts where I am super over-sensitive. Wow, he was a piece of work for sure.

My current GP is ok -ish, I get the impression he doesn't have much interest in mental health and I would like to find a new GP but at least he is polite and nice guy.

I hope your appointment goes smoothly tomorrow Hanna and you get treated with the respect you deserve.

Sending calm vibes your way

CS.

[Hanna3]

Thanks Whiteknight hi Lady Nova,

I worked in hospitals for most of my life and they are taught the correct way to greet a patient. I guess I find it really hard that the GPs here are behaving so badly when I spent years with medical students in my work.

Thanks White Knight I've got a list of the 3 prescriptions I need, which is all she needs to do... and I booked a double appointment to allow time to ring for the authority one. So the GP can't complain I didn't allow sufficient time in the appointment booking.

Lady Nova most GPs are pretty rubbish at dealing with mental health problems. Also it's been my experience that if you have any mental health issues they will assume any physical symptoms are "in your head".

I once had a classical presentation of bilateral torn medical menisci in my knees. The specialist told me to see a psychologist. Went to a Rheumatologist in the city, got told the same thing. Finally found an Orthopaedic Surgeon who had an MRI done and yes, both knees torn through in the cartilage which required surgery on both knees.

It just shows how poor the attitude is when people have any sort of psychiatric MH history. Doctors should rule out any physical problem before they assume it's a MH problem.

I hope I am ready for this doctor tomorrow as I'm feeling rather fed up with poor doctors! I'm really sorry you had such a bad time with your GP Lady Nova and I would try very hard to find another doctor if you possibly can - but yes I know in rural areas they are very hard to find - I have that problem here. I do wish you all the best and I hope you can eventually find a more sympathetic doctor!

[Lady_Nova]

I have created a script to play by now and if he goes off script for what I need and want I simply ask him one question "Are we going to practice medicine any time soon? because clearly you need the practice"

I have in fact used this on two occasions now. He is not impressed, but I get him to behave for a few more appointments before I have to pull him up short again and bring him back to task.

Having raised, almost, a son with Autism I have learned a few soft bullying tactics to get the behaviors I need to get through the day. Some tactics are softer than others ... just quietly 😛

[Elizabeth CP]

I don't think this is about being sensitive or anxious. Every normal person goes to the doctor & expects to be treated with respect understanding & be provided with professional/competent care. No one deserves less than that. Your past treatment Hannah was not appropriate for anyone. I have been to doctors who have not treated me properly. I don't go back!!! At one point I'd had a bad run with doctors but when I went to a new GP I explained briefly what had happened previously and its impact on me. It may be worth writing down your concerns & your history prior to the visit. This gives you time to think about what you want to say. List things in point form so the doctor can read it quickly and understand what you need. This means you don't get sidetracked or get tongue tied due to your anxiety. That particular GP turned out to be brilliant really understanding my needs. I only left him after moving too far from his clinic. I have written information for doctors a number of times and found it helpful. My husband has a rare condition with complications most health professionals don't understand so I scan a medical history to which I've added extra relevant information. He carries a copy with him which is used any time he goes to ED or a new doctor or other health professional. Saves a lot of time explaining & trying to convince doctors that what you are saying is correct. Good luck tomorrow

[Hanna3]

Well done Lady Nova! It throws this kind of person when you go back at them a bit doesn't it! Good on you!