Anxiety related to taking prescribed medications

[Crisocione]

I've recently been diagnosed (apparently) with cyclothymia, and I am not sure if that's correct or if it's just the stress of my phd, but while I always had up and down, it has never been as dramatic as in these past few years.

Still, I can't accept the diagnosis. It's like part of me is convinced I am doing everything to myself and by myself and I am tricking people, because I don't want to do anything with my life. I don't know. Part of me is also convinced that the recent worsening of my anxiety symptoms is due to something else, like another disease like Parkinson or stuff, but my blood tests resulted all perfectly normal.

Recently I have had weeks of absolute full blown panic and anxiety, combined with my extremely low mod, I simply stopped doing anything and I stopped working as well. Today my gp decided to prescribe me medication and I am terrified to take it.

About six months ago, I had a bad reaction to some non related drug (a muscle relaxant for an injury) that a doctor prescribed to me at a too high dose and wrong times of the day, and now I am scared of any kind of medication. I am terrified I am going to take this new medication and die in my sleep. During my worse panic moment the action of falling asleep would make me have a panic attack, and I am just scared that knowing this medication makes me sleepy will just make me panic.

I am not sure what to do. I want to get better as soon as possible, I have to work and do so many things and the more I wait in panic and apathy the worse my future is going to be. But I also live away from my family and now I can only rely on myself if I feel sick while taking the drug (I am supposed to take it at bedtime), unless I take it during the day and at work.

[Croix]

Dear Crisocione~

Anxiety unfortunately  is not confined to just one area, and your medication is no doubt a new target for it. Having has 2 weeks of extreme anxiety and a low mood is not likely to stop all at once, and the medicine makes a new area to worry about, particularly as you have had a bad reaction to an unrelated drug improperly given in the past, plus it seems a hard one to have a safety net around if something does go wrong.

First off I'd have to say if it is prescribed for night and you take it during the day thngs might not work well. Not only may it not be effective but the side effects such as drowsiness could mean you have an accident or make mistakes.

So have you discussed your concerned with oyur doctor,? It is self-defeating  having prescribed meds and being too afraid to take them. Perhaps a lower dose to start with?

Another avenue may be to try to get around taking the very first one, when perhaps an adverse reaction may be most likely to happen. Is it possible to stay one night where there are people, visit your family or a friend, or have a freind over for the night?

Failing all else have a phone ready by the bed to call for an ambulance.

Any possibilities do you think?

Croix

[Crisocione]

I haven't really talked to my doctor about my anxiety for meds. I think the first person who asked me about the possibility of using meds has been my counselor more than one year ago and I always refused. After that ill effect with that random medication, I refused to take another med that has been prescribed.

I think I want to try, this time, because maybe this is not how normal people live their lives and maybe it would help. And I suspect that after the first one, if nothing happen, I would feel better.

I have housemates, so maybe I could ask one of them to sleep in my room. Or I can try to invite a friend. It sounds so silly, like I am making such a big deal out of it. I think part of me is also anxious that if something happen I will need to talk about my family about this (they know nothing and they live oversea).

[Croix]

Dear Crisocione~

It is not silly, it is a big deal, many, myself included, had worried and hesitated on taking a new type of medication, and to have a backstop, be it a housemate or friend, sounds an excellent way to reduce any risk.

I'm glad you are going to give it a go, as it was part of my path to a better life, maybe it might help with yours.

You did talk about discussing this with your family as if you were reluctant to do so. May I ask if there was a reason for this - apart from distance of course?

Croix

[Crisocione]

I took it! I didn't die, and I'm continuing to take it but I still feel anxious when the time comes. Hopefully in a bit I'll be more used to it.

About my family, I think part of me is afraid to worry them now that they live so far away, another part of me is afraid that this would make all of this too real or that they'll tell me that this is not real at all, but that it's all in my mind and I'm exaggerating it, or that the physical symptoms are from another disease (my mother took care of my grandmother who died of Parkinson, and I'm terrified that my muscles rigidity and tremors is Parkinson and my mother is going to recognize the symptoms).

[Croix]

Dear Crisocione~

It was a big thing to face (yes I'm serious) and you did face it. That is a thing to remember. You have the bravery to do things. It might sometimes take a while to screw the courage up (which applies to most of us) but you did.

I'm so pleased for you. Did you let someone know to keep an eye out for you?

With your parents I agree it is difficult. Yes it does sort of put a seal on it and make it seem more real - however it does not alter the facts at all. If they say it is all in the mind I guess you have an education job in front of you.

As for you having Parkinson's and your mother seeing similarities wiht your grandmother again your doctor should be able to reassure here -second hand through you if they cannot talk direct.

Do you think it likely they would dismiss it all as being exaggeration or all in your mind?

Muscle rigidity and tremors can easily come frm anxiety and stress. I get that, end up with a headache and other aches too. The symptoms do not necessarily have to come from a psychical ailment. There are established methods for helping to diagnose if Parkinson's is likely, perhaps you should discuss this with your doctor. I would suspect in time that course of action might set your mind at ease.

What do you think?

Croix

[Crisocione]

Dear Croix,

I just wanted to thank you. Since I've read your reply a couple of days ago, I have been thinking of ways to tell my mother and my parents. Today, I guess, my mother caught me in a weak moment and I sort of ended up telling her about everything, from my possible diagnosis to the medication I am taking for the panic. She was very supporting and selfishly now I am glad I did it, but at the same time I feel terrible because she is mostly alone (my father is not the best at emotional support) and I feel terribly guilty for what I did to her.

I know she would have felt better if I had told her nothing. So for now it's a bit of a mixed feelings on that.

[Croix]

Dear Crisocione~

I'm very glad you did tell your mum, it will help you.

I'm not sure if you realise it however it will greatly help her too. Any even reasonably perceptive parent will know if there is something wrong. Then comes the worry - did htey do something wrong themselves, was it some other influence , was it drugs -and so on. Now with the facts self-doubt can go ans the actual problem be dealt with .

Parents, and I'm one, realy do want to know and help, it's built into so many. I do think she should see both your doctor wiht you to get the exact facts, and more importantly see her own, so she can get support, and gets to know what as a parent to expect in herself as well as you - does that make sense?

So despite your father not being the best of support you did exactly the right thing for everyone's welfare.

Croix

[Crisocione]

Dear Croix,

Thank you. Some hours apart and I already feel better. Sadly, she can't see my doctor, or even me in person, as she lives in Europe. I will see her in about 6 months, I think. This was also one of the reasons why I managed to keep this all as a secret for so long.
I am just a bit sad because I know her mother has always been her confidant, and she passed away last year.

Still, I could ask her a bit about what she thinks (about the cyclothymia diagnosis) and I think it helps me to have her opinion both on that and the medication (she is a nurse).

I think, the only thing I can do now for her is letting my sister know that she knows, to make sure she is okay, and keeping her posted on me.

[Croix]

Dear Crisocione~

I'm sorry, I did not realise your mum was in Europe, however being a nurse will be a decided advantage. I also think it might be a good idea of yours to let your sister know about your mother. Is she within traveling distance of your mother? That way they can support each other.

Croix