Anger Management

LucyJ84 · ‎27-01-2015

Hi everyone,

I've decided to look into Anger Management after recently hitting my boyfriend. This isnt the first time either.

We have had arguments and when I'm angry I also tend to go too far in nasty things I say. I also have a tendancy to throw things or slam doors.

I dont want to go to my GP because they do the Mental Health Care Plan, and if I'm referred to a Psycologist, it is on my medical record for life that I have a "Mental Illness".

I'm hoping to find some cheap or even free therapy. I dont mind if its one on one or group. I also dont mind how long I'd have to commit, I'd just like some help.

I'm in Sydney, CBD would be preferable but not essential. Can any of you help or point me in the right direction?

Hope you can help, Thanks! Lucy

Beltane · ‎29-01-2015

Hiya! I'm so sorry it has taken so long for you to get a reply- sometimes people dont have any helpful advice, so they dont post.

Well i guess i can understand your fears about having a medical record say "mental illness". This can be a valid concern for people who want to work in special professions where medical checks are necessary. For other people it is a matter of pride- they just don't want others (even medical professionals) to know.
For what its worth, your doctor cant actually share your info with anyone else- even other medical professionals, unless you say so. its called doctor-patient confidentiality. It might only come up if you were referred to a specialist or hospital, and that info was relevant.

However, you dont want to to go the doctor. Thats fine. Have you looked into private Health Insurance? Hospital can be expensive, but you can get Extras cover on its own. I suggest this as Extras cover for myself only costs $10 a week but i get to claim $550 of psychology, as well as physio, optical, dental... So you can go to a psychologist or counseller without a doctors referral, and simply pay for it yourself without involving medicare- or you can claim it through Extras insurance.

I know there is a free 10 week Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course you can do through MindSpot Clinic (google MindSpot Clinic and go to their webpage). While it is free, you do need to tell them your medicare card number- i'm not sure if you're willing to do that?

There are other CBT courses- simply google them. Some you pay for yourself, some are medicare-funded. You could try reading therapy books perhaps- maybe look on Amazon or your local bookstore and see if you can find some books on anger management?

Also try googling "anger management support group", or simply "support groups". I'm sorry i cant help further, i'm in Melbourne, and the only support groups ive been to are anxiety and depression ones.

Please keep us updated with how you go finding a course or therapy or book! I'm sure there are others who would appreciate this information.

For now- every time you want to lash out verbally or physically at your partner, put every amount of energy you have into walking away. Go and scream at a wall, bash up your pillow. You'll learn MUCH better techniques through a therapy or a good book, but thats all i can suggest just to get you through until you find something 🙂

Pixie15 · ‎29-01-2015

Hi Lucy,

It is great that your looking for help to try to manage your anger.

If you have a women's health center in your area they may have a counselling service. If not they should be able to direct you to something in your area.

There is a support group called "Grow" which has a twelve step program for mental and emotional help. You will find information online. This might help you. I believe members donate what they can when they meet once a week and your anonymity will be protected.

Another thought I had is that you could consider signing up for a martial arts course. I only thought of this because I saw an article in one of the papers the other day recommending it for school children.

Hope you find something suitable.

Grateful.

LucyJ84 · ‎29-01-2015

Thank you so much for your reply.

Some of that information I've tried already but some of it really helps, such as the Extras cover and the Mindspot. I'll certainly look into them.

I did 1 year of CBT 4 years ago but after my mum passed away 2 years ago, I think it took away everything I had learnt.

I'm new to a support group for my grieving and I'm going to ask about my anger there and see what directions they can point me in aswell, maybe it's related in some way.

My biggest fear is losing my partner. I'm going to do what I can to make sure my anger doesnt seperate us.

I will certainly keep you informed. It's so nice to know that someone is reading and making the effort and their time replying to my request for help.

Thank you.

LucyJ84 · ‎29-01-2015

Thank you so much for taking the time to message.

I didnt know about trying a womens health centre, thats a great idea.

I was thinking taking up boxercise or something would be helpful. Releasing energy through exercise can only be a positive. I've been trying to take up running recently but I dont know if thats enough so I need to act on joining a gym.

I've never heard of Grow, thats something I'll also look into.

Thank you so much.

Beltane · ‎29-01-2015

what a wonderful idea GratefulToday has of exercise!

My anxiety often used to "build up" each day into this pent up energy that came out in anger. Like i'd lash out at my partner, snap at him, blame him, constantly criticize him. I was just so angry all the time!

I found help through therapy. I did 2 years of CBT and did find some benefits. But you might find as time goes on and you grow and change as a person, something different might work. maybe just a different style of CBT- so the online MindSpot course might be great. If you dont like that, you could try a different therapy altogether. Like I do one called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. There is a wonderful book based on it called "The Happiness Trap" by Dr Russ Harris.

I'm not really understanding if your anger is just anger, or if its based on some anxiety/ depression/ grief over losing your mum. But thats what professional counsellors are for- to help you figure out where that anger is coming from, and how to overcome it.
For instance, if your anger is coming from grief than not only learning anger management techniques, but coming to terms with the grief too. If its coming from stress and anxiety over your relationship and other life factors, than addressing the anxiety should alleviate the anger.

I also made other lifestyle changes apart from the therapy. So i tried a few different types of exercise (pole dancing, martial arts, and finally Crossfit) until i found an exercise i genuinely enjoyed. it wont help if its a chore that you hate, but i think it'll really help if you like it. It helps burn up all that excess stressful energy- i do it in the evening to burn off the stress of a long day, and help me have a calm evening and good sleep. its also given me new friends and a hobby to enjoy.

Thats another thing- a nice hobby for yourself. Maybe something you can do at home, so when you feel that anger starting to build inside you, you can divert that energy into a nice hobby. Maybe learning to sew or knit, learning another language, learning a musical instrument, learning to cook.... Something to divert that energy into.

I see it like a volcano- if you let it off that energy in healthy ways throughout the day, hopefully you can avoid that giant explosion of lava!!

LucyJ84 · ‎29-01-2015

More great help and suggestions.

Thank you so much.

The book sounds like a good idea and different types of exercise so it isnt a chore.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post with your story and helpful tips.

I'm trying to be positive and see that this will get better and it means a lot that people are answering to my reaching out.

Thank you again.

Pete88 · ‎12-02-2021

Hey so I'm new to this but have had anger management problems for a long time now, i guess my problem is i have difficulties talking bout my feelings so i keep shit bottled up inside til i explode, this has been going on for quite a few years now but have become more difficult after the loss of my Sister in law a few years ago after she lost her battle with mental health and then loosing my Aunty/God mother last year, I was also a drug addict for 18 years of my life starting at age 14 and being able to finally confront my demons and have now been clean for almost 3 months now, my anger is outta control and because of my temper i have now got myself into legal troubles because of it, this isn't the person i usually am, I'm a outgoing funny and very good person but i let my temper get the best of me and doesn't help that i have issues talking bout it or opening up bout my feelings

ecomama · ‎12-02-2021

Hey Pete88,

Welcome to the forums!

This thread has been quiet for some time now, so if you wanted to begin your own, I'm sure you'll get some BB members coming in to offer some support to you.

I just want to CONGRATULATE YOU for being sober for 3 months.
WHAT A SET OF MASSIVE ACHIEVEMENTS!

Well done you.

I also applaud you very loudly for coming onto a forum and opening up to ask for help!
Extremely Brave and this shows by your perseverance in getting clean too.

Hey - many ppl think that doing high energy stuff helps dispel anger.
Perhaps it could BUT there's a person inside of you who IS calm.
I'd like to see you nurture him.

Learning how to keep shut when things go awry in front of you OR TO you, is an extremely mature craft to learn.

You can learn it.
Because you WANT to.

You've transformed your life in ways only you can fully acknowledge and be proud of.
Time to move into the next phase of allowing the BRILLIANT you shine out.

Pity about the legal battles. Sometimes a person needs a wake up call like this to make the changes needed?

Regardless of these, feel proud of yourself.

EM