Am i with the right pyschologist? How is it meant to be ?

[anita24]

So i am on a care plan of 10 free sessions, the pyschologist i goto seems smart and seems to know what he is talking about.

He doesn't show that he cares but explains parts of the brain and activities to do at home.

The experience feels like i walk im expecting to be quiet and then next minute im blurting out everything and theres never enough time to say what i need to say, it feels like a interview. Everything i say he has a question for then at the end gives me tasks to do.

But.. Last session i went to the client before me took 15 minutes over, so there for mine was cut short of 45 minutes. I was a mess

crying non stop talking non stop and suffering badly and he had enough time to give me advice and activity to do at home.

But now the fact that my session was cut short is bugging me.

Is this okay and does this happen? and how are clinical pyschologists meant to act? as this is the first clinical pyschologist i have been to.

Thanks everyone

[geoff]

hi Anita, a good comment and any opinions may vary from person to person, but if this happened with me then I wouldn't be too happy at all, and my last psychologist always had an answer to everything I said, in fact he contradicted and questioned whatever I had to say, which then made me decide what I was going to say, to me that's a terrible psychologist, because I went there to be helped, not to be judged, and haven't been back to him for over a year.
Tasks he has given you to do at home may help, but not if he doesn't know exactly why you have gone to seen him, because these tasks could well be off the point.
I do understand that anyone seeing their psych wants to have a longer time in their session, however there needs to some protocol in giving the person the exact time they need for their appointment, not 15 mins more or less, and if needed to make another appointment sooner rather than later.
You are obviously very distressed and in need of help and this concerns me, so you need to go back to your doctor explain how upset you are, then your doctor will refer you to another psychologist.
The problem being you may have to wait a few weeks and secondly this new psych may not relate with you, however because of this and you decide to stay with this psych you need to voice your opinion to him and tell him what has troubled you about being cut short in your appointment time and that he needs to listen to you before he advises you to do at home, because there is a good chance you won't do any of them.
Please let us know what you decide on. Geoff. x

[anita24]

Thankyou Geoff for your shared thoughts and your time, i'm glad u don't deal with that bad practice anymore it would be hard. Its comforting coming on here with the help from you and others when i feel lost, exhausted with no where else to turn. Thankyou for sharing about ur experience. I probably didn't explain well but when i said that he has a question for everything i say, i meant for example i will say what has happened to me and then he will say " this makes you feel anxious & this makes you feel sad? not in a bad way as he seems pretty spot on about how i am feeling, sometimes i correct him but most of the time its accurate, but the reason i asked about that is i'm not sure how pyschologists are meant to work. Are they meant to show they care? i know obviously they cant be too caring but with my one theres no judging ( which is good as i've had bad experiences b4 with first and last sessions ) but theres no smiles etc no nothing. Dont know what he is thinking. Its better then the ones i've tried to go to before but i'm just curious how a session is meant to be like. I suppose he is trying to figure out what i have because Ive only had 4 sessions so far. Its pretty hard to continue going to be honest, usually i dont go again after first sessions but ive tried really hard to stick it out, up to 4 sessions atm which is a good achievement for me, i end up crying during sessions then feeling embarrassed and cant look at him & then apologize when leaving. He did apologize for the lady before me taking extra 15 minutes but yeah it has annoyed me, because he could visibly see i was a wreck and talking about how exhausted i am about fighting this illness anymore and the bad thoughts related to that. I suppose i will continue seeing how it goes. Will keep you updated. Oh one more thing sometimes he gets people i've mentioned to him mixed up which confuses me then i am like ?? and theres a blank pause then he realises what happened and recorrects himself. He forgot this time also what he has told me to do at home and says he told me to do a activity he's never mentioned to me b4.Then corrects himself again. Is this bad practice or maybe it just happens since he see's alot of people ? Just unsure about what to think, Ill give it another go and see how i go. Will keep you updated. Thankyou again for your time.

[BballJ]

Hi Anita24,

As Geoff said, everyone opinions will be different but in my experiance with my psychologist... I felt after the first two sessions that she wasn't doing much other than asking me questions and not seemingly giving me immediate relief from my anxiety. After the 4th and 5th session, all the questions started to make sense and the puzzle that is me, she was starting to put together, she starting challenging me. I think a misconception on psychs is that some people feel they and meant to console you if you cry or what not.. they are meant to stay as calm and neutral as possible.

Regarding your question about the session being cut short, I think its only a problem if it was cut short halfway through when you are talking but if he had time to give you advice and an activity to do, you must of got a lot out. I think one thing to consider also is the fact the person before you may of needed those extra 15 minutes, but through out the day.. it mean't someone would of missed out on 15 minutes, it was just sheer unluckiness it was yourself. I wouldn't hold it against him as I am sure he didn't do it on purpose and it doesn't mean your problems are less important than the other persons either.

Also regarding the post back to Geoff, you wrote he corrected himself.. it is easy to get clients mixed up.. i would of thought he would have notes written for you, but some people think they have a great memory and get confused hehe, just a mistake more than anything so again don't take it too hard if you can.

My best for you,

Jay

[anita24]

Thankyou BballJ, i appreciate you sharing your experiences. From what i gather from you and Geoff i should continue trying with this one atm and see what happens next time. Keep a eye on things and discover whether i am happy to continue with this one or not. Its something i'm not used to going to a pyschologist so i didnt know what to expect so i'm thankful to hear a mixture of experiences from you and Geoff. I think the same, the person before me obviously needed it, its just i basically was a mess and didn't stop talking so i got enough in for 45 minutes, but the fact i knew i was in a bad mental state and had been waiting for this appointment which felt like forever because of how i felt, i questioned whether he knew the severity of how i was i feeling for it to be exactly 45 minutes, if that makes sense, But i always question things so i just needed some advice. Thanks again!

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Anita24, I think you are experiencing what a lot of people experience in the therapeutic relationship as it very different to a friendship or a family relationship .. but it is also very intimate and personal. It is also not equal . As in they know heaps about you and you know little about them, about how they think or feel or about their lives. However you can come to rely and cherish them .So its like very few relationships that you have.

Lets look at 2 questions you raise ..

1. You are not sure whether he cares . This is an interesting point and I think a tough one. Different people respond to different styles of therapy and some really want a nurturing supportive validating therapist, but to be honest that may not be 100% what they really need at the time. Sometimes therapy needs to be “work” and I think this guy does make you work ! He gives you homework tasks and it sounds like he makes you think during your sessions by making statements and checking in with you to see if they are on the right track .. You say that you feel strong enough to “correct him“ and I think this shows that you feel empowered enough to work WITH him to look at aspects of your thinking and develop your own resources.

He isn’t there to be a friend. He is there to develop your understanding of yourself and help you develop your coping strategies. Ideally, a therapist can walk that line that allows people to feel seen and understood, but not like a “mate” or “friend”.

2. Your response to the lost 15 minutes. I think every patient on some unconscious level feels a bit jealous of their therapists other patients… Also, and rightly so , this is YOUR time and for many this is one space where they feel they can let things out without a concern about how it will affect the other person or if the other will “cope”. So when he was 15 minutes late ( and he may have had very good professional reasons to be late) , it may have triggered unconscious feelings of being “uncared for” or “unimportant” that may somehow be an old issue for you. I would think it may even be a great therapy conversation…

How you noticed your own reactions and internal feelings about the delay .. and how you are trying to process them. Its great practice for raising difficult issues that are bugging you in a constructive way. Try doing it with him and watch how it goes. Learn from it. you may find you can use the experience out in the “real” world one day. He sounds like the sort of therapist that would be ok with this little experiment.

In summary , I would stay as long as he is professional and helpful and WORK HARD .. this is your time to discover as much as you can about yourself … whether he cares about you or not is a secondary issue. You need his expertise, NOT his friendship.