am i complaining too much? should i just toughen up or get over it?

[startingnew]

hi guys so ive really been struggling with my mental illness (i have 4) and ive recently disclosed another event as well. ive been told i should jsut get over it and just dont worry about it and im finding it really hard to 'just get over' im just wondering what others opinions are... do you think im just complaining?ive also just discovered that i have a few physical health issues to deal with such as scoliosis, glasses, and a few of my main ligaments have been torn and have never been fully corrected as i never got a boot or anything to support it so now im stuck having a few torn ligamanents that will probably never heal so the pain that i feel will be constant unfortunately.so i was just trying to have a conversation in general about my injury and treatment etc and she just rolled her eyes at me and said that i complain to much.. this is kinda the first times heard about it as i try not to complain about anything even when im struggling the most. even in my full panic state she usually jsut ignores me and then gets the craps at me...do you think im complaining?

[White_Rose]

Hello Starting New

It is the pits having any kind of mental illness, let alone more than one. I struggle with depression which comes and goes. It's frustrating when the black dog walks in the door after I thought I had trained it to stay in its kennel. So the training starts all over again.

In your thread title you ask if you should just toughen up. It's just about impossible to get well on your own. This is not because you are weak or incapable, but because anxiety affects so much of your life, including your thoughts. I appreciate you have some physical injuries which are causing you pain and of course this impacts on your mental health, but I want to comment on your anxiety at the moment.

I tend to lump depression and anxiety together as one usually affects, or causes the other. I think there is always some degree of depression when you are on high alert because of your anxiety. Growing a tougher skin I suppose is an option though how you do this I have no idea. I think it would take a long time if you are basically an ordinary sort of person who laughs and cries like most other people.

And this is the point. Given the time it takes you to 'toughen up' you may as well spend the time getting well with a far more positive effect on your life/family/friends. I was once told, in answer to the same question you are asking, that being 'thin skinned' meant you were aware of what goes on around you. You are able to empathise with others, be caring and compassionate, enjoy the beauty of the sunset and love others. These are the everyday events in our lives. Being 'thick skinned' or tough means you simply don't see these things.

Do you want to go through life oblivious of others and in fact adding to the hurts of others? Do you want to be unmoved by beauty in any form? That's what being thick skinned means. So stick with who you are and work to make it better.

May I ask, do you see a psychologist or psychiatrist? No need to answer this if you prefer. I have a bad habit of referring my psychiatrist as psych, but it gets a bit confusing for others unless they know which one I am talking about. I must also add that I feel very much ashamed of seeing a psychiatrist because that title has different connotations from psychologist.

I hope you have established a good relationship with your psych as this helps enormously in the healing process.

Mary

[startingnew]

hi Mark no i havent even heard of that app but ill take a look thank you 🙂

[startingnew]

Hi Mary

im seeing a psychologist and a pschiatrist. i have really only started seeing both but i seem to get along quite well with my psychologist even though ive only seen her twice but you usually know in the first session whether your going to click or not..

i feel ashamed for having a mentla illness at all and i struggle with all them every day 😞

[White_Rose]

Hello Starting New

Being ashamed of mental illness is something we are taught by community attitudes. I do not have much history knowledge of mental illness but I suspect the fear of MI was more related to those in-your-face illnesses for which there was no cure or treatment. Depression and anxiety were always there but were not recognised as an illness, just that such and such was always sad or anxious, and then ignored. Unfortunately they all get lumped together in our collective memories and becomes a general fear of MI.

Knowing how the community reacts to MI is good in that it allows us to be selective who we talk to about our unwellness. When we feel hurt by a casual comment we can say that person has no understanding and knowledge so I will not be affected by those words. Easy to say of course but it is something to practice because it's true. Those who have never experienced any MI find it hard to empathise with us.

May I ask how often you see your psychologist and psychiatrist? I also talk to a counsellor but the conversations are quite different. If I had to choose one only to help me I would go to the psychiatrist. She has finally given me a reason and understanding about why I react the way I do. And I feel so much better.

So stay with both your psychs. It is hard work. I wish I could say it was easy or there is a magic pill, but sadly not. Be as open with your therapists as you can. They are not there to judge you, your thoughts or your actions, simply to help you get back up and live your life again.

Mary

[startingnew]

Hi Mary

i have a psychologist, suicide prevention psych and a psychiatrist.

i see my psycholigist will be every 2 weeks but at the moment im seeing the suicide prevent psych every week then when the program finishes i go back to seeing my normal psych every 2 weeks.

i see my psychiatrist every 3 weeks as it is more for my medications and whether or not she thinks it best to change/alter etc.

i wish it was easier too 😞

im such a failure in life 😞

[White_Rose]

Hello

May I call you SN? Or would you prefer another name?

I can tell you that you are not a failure but I doubt you would believe me. But do believe I have felt the same way. We have battled our respective demons and we are still standing. Now that is a great accomplishment. Those who tell you to "get over it" are self-centred idiots with no compassion and I suspect no interest in caring for others. Look, you know what I am going to say. Give these people the flick, work hard on your recovery and treat others in the way you want to be treated.

Don't you love the way these words just roll off my keyboard? I'm not being flippant with you. I know you are hurting and want more than anything else to stop this. Clearly you have lots of help for which I am most thankful. Take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. This is what I did when my depression became so bad I felt I could not go on any longer. I used to say to myself, just one more hour, just one more day and after a while I did feel better and got on with my life.

No it's not easy but I learned I can cope with more than I thought and that was amazing. You can get through those dreadful dark days when you think there is no hope and no light. It's there and you will learn to see it and be pleased you stayed around to see how good your life can become.

Can you think of a goal or reward you would like when you feel better? Decide what that is and reward yourself in a few weeks time. That's when you look back and see how far you have come. Constantly looking back is a waste of time, but once in a while, perhaps after a few months, sit with someone and think about how much better you feel. You really will be surprised.

Lovely to hear from you.

Mary

[startingnew]

hi Mary SN is fine 🙂

yeah ive got my gp, psychiatrist and psychologist and the forum family for support 🙂

i think ive pretty much reached my maximum capacity now, ive just got keep powering through i guess.

i cant really think of a goal aor reward at this minute but im not sure id do it anyway, im not one for rewarding self or taking credit etc.

thank you 🙂

[MarkJT]

startingnew, how is the app going? Keep in mind though that mindfulness takes time to learn so please persist with it.

Just this morning, i was out on the deck at work doing my morning exercises and saw that the moon was so big. Just sat there and stared at it for ages, marveling at it and thinking there have been a few people that have actually walked on it. Completely put me at ease.

This is what mindfulness does.

Mark.

[startingnew]

Hi Mark

Sorry i forgot to download it.

Ive practiced mindfullness a few times before but atm im not in the right headspace

[MarkJT]

startingnew, absolutely no need to apologise whatsoever!

Understand where you are at because it is very difficult to do anything when you are not in a good place.

Do you like music? If so, get comfortable on the couch or similar, put some headphones on and listen to your favorite music. Really concentrate on the sounds, the voices, the instruments....then tell your self that you are practicing mindfulness.

Once you grasp the concept, you will find that you are doing it more than you know, it is just about recognising it and logging it.

Mark.