Advice needed on how to get help

[Ziptag]

I am trying to help my partner who is suffering from anxiety, severe stress and depression. He has previously resisted my attempts to convince him to seek professional help, for the following reasons, which I should say I don't find at all unreasonable but still disagree with:

1. He was prescribed antidepressants when he was younger and didn't like them, and feels like other professionals will prescribe anti-depressants as well rather than addressing underlying issues.

2. He feels like the things which make him upset do so because they are upsetting, and learning to not be upset by upsetting things is just pretending so he can be a good little drone.

3. He feels like I'm trying to foist his problems off onto someone else so I don't have to deal with them; this one he hasn't said in words but I think it's probably true based on other things he has said.

So, I finally convinced him that he should see a professional on a short term basis to help deal with a very stressful work situation. But although he agreed to that he is very unlikely to take steps to follow through with it, so I would like to help find someone and do most of the legwork to get him an appointment. Now I have another problem. I'm not from Australia, I moved here 10 years ago but have not needed any mental health care in that time. I have done some reading and found that to get referred to a therapist you have to go first to a GP and get something called a mental health treatment plan. Given that I had to work hard to get my partner to come around to this AT ALL and that I only got him to come around to it to deal with a rather immediate, very stressful work situation, I have no illusions that he is going to go first to the GP and make a mental health plan and then to a therapist. Honestly, he won't go to anyone at all unless I make it very easy for him (like, tell him the time and place and send him out the door to his appointment).

I think this is really, really important for him to do. So, to my questions:

1. If we skip the GP and pay out of pocket, forget Medicare, can I make an appointment with a therapist/counsellor/etc. without the GP referral and mental health plan?

2. How much will that likely cost, per session?

3. Am I being a super pushy jerk who should let their partner handle this and butt out?

Please, anyone who has advice I would love to hear from you.

[Doolhof]

Hi Ziptag,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community here. I think it is wonderful that you are wanting to help your partner and also understand that is not always an easy thing to do.

To start with, there is a great deal of information on this site about depression and mental health. You could use the phone help line and speak to people who may be able to offer advice as to what is available in your area.

Check out the Get Support section as well.

I'm not sure if you need a mental health care plan to see psychs or not actually. Many people do go through their Dr though as it is usually a cheaper option.

Phone your local council and see if there are any counsellors in your region. They may have something to offer while you wait to see a psych.

Going to the Dr would be the first step for me. Can you discuss making an appointment and then attending with your partner. If he is able to write out how he is feeling, he can hand that to the Dr instead of having to talk if he finds it all too hard.

The more I research my own mental health issues, the better I understand it all.

Does your partners work place have a counselling service?

Hope some of this helps. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Ziptag]

Thanks, Mrs. Dools. He did speak to someone at his workplace and they were not helpful, talked to him about taking deep breaths when he felt stressed. I mean, come on. This did not help me persuade him!

There is a service very near to us, so perhaps I should just call them and speak to them. I'm not so much worried he will feel like he can't discuss it with the GP but more that he needs help in the immediate short term, he works long hours and needs time after work to wind down. He simply will balk at being sent off to multiple appointments with different people. He doesn't really want to do this in the first place, he only agreed because I said it was really important to me that he at least try.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

Perhaps you could phrase it something like "I'm really glad you agreed to do this for me, but sometimes it's a two step process".

I'm certain if you don't mind paying, you can skip the mental health plan part. There are a few databases online for Australian psychologists - I can't give links on this forum but googling "Find a Psychologist Australia" should lead the way. The database I'm thinking of lets you filter things like gender of the psychologist, what they deal with etc. I then look at the website of the more promising ones, and google "psychologist name review".

It can be hard to find a good fit, and as you want to do it right first time for hubby taking some time to research a good fit sounds like the best strategy.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

As for costs:

You will be able to look at prices on the websites too. There is a 'set' fee guild line by psychologist society so most should be around that. This is an example of pricing, most will be similar.

Fees are $160 for Generalist Psychologists and $195 for Clinical
Psychologists. Sessions with our Principal Psychologist are $220. Sessions are 50 minutes in duration.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

3. Am I being a super pushy jerk who should let their partner handle this and butt out?

I don't know.

It doesn't sound like it but if you were telling him to see someone day and night, then that's pushy.

But it sounds a lot more like concern and love. Sometime people do need a push to see someone. And it's not fair for partners to bear the consequences for not taking responsibility of mental health

He was prescribed antidepressants when he was younger and didn't like
them, and feels like other professionals will prescribe anti-depressants
as well rather than addressing underlying issues.

On this, there are different types of anti-depressants, and it can take a few goes at them too to get it right.

[Ziptag]

Thanks! I did mention the two-step thing and he immediately said 'when would I have time for that?' I think it's best for now to pay for it, we can afford it in the short term and this needs to be as barrier-free as possible right now for him.

Gotta say it doesn't seem like the most conducive system for getting help. Maybe it works out better than I'm imagining, but I feel like it would be easier if people could skip the GP and go straight to a mental health professional. Then again, in the US, where I'm from, we don't have a public health system at all for most people, so who am I to complain?!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Ziptag,

1. If we skip the GP and pay out of pocket, forget Medicare, can I make an appointment with a therapist/counsellor/etc. without the GP referral and mental health plan?

Yes - you do not need a GP referral but it will cost.

2. How much will that likely cost, per session?

Fees vary widely - I've been approached with fees ranging from 100 - 225$. If people are struggling financially some may offer a concession price.

3. Am I being a super pushy jerk who should let their partner handle this and butt out?

No, you're being helpful.

But also - even though there is an inconvenience in going to the Doctor, it will save money. Although some people see psychologists for only a couple of appointments others may take a few appointments to develop some strategies/tools. This can work out quite costly. There are many GP's who can see clients on weeknights or weekends which can be much easier then trying to take time off work. If this is something that interests you you could try and find a Doctor here - https://healthengine.com.au/

[Ziptag]

Thanks, I appreciate hearing I'm not too much of a jerk 🙂

Re: the dr, we have a GP we could see on a weekend or evening, it's more that even the smallest barrier makes him give up on the idea. which is why I'm organising it for him

[Doolhof]

Hi Ziptag,

You may like to read some of the information here regarding Supporting People going through Mental Health issues.

My husband has dragged me to the Drs. a couple of times. Not quite kicking and screaming, but close to it. Actually I had done the screaming and yelling bit earlier on in the day! Ha. Ha.

When a person is really depressed it is so hard to make up your mind as to how you can help yourself let alone have anyone else help you. It all feels so hard and difficult.

I congratulate you for making the effort to help your partner. I would like to encourage you to make the appointment and to take him there. You can either join in with the consultation or wait.

My husband says very little at the Drs. so I attend when he will allow me and share more of what is going on in his life.

Regarding being a jerk, you are far from it. People who care for others don't sound like jerks to me.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools