ADHD diagnosis in 13yo, should she decide?

[mkr666]

We saw a paediatrician yesterday and she was very convinced my daughter has ADHD. She is 13 and does very well at school , but is not well socialised (has friends though). I guess as a dad I think she is fairly normal, but then again I think most people are strange. My wife however feels she does have problems and is not normal and could do with help.

So I'm thinking my/our approach is to let her decide what she wants to do, whether she wants to do more tests, take the drugs etc. We both think she will do what she wants anyway. The paediatrician was on the verge of prescribing drugs, but I expressed concern so she suggested more tests. Anyway just want an opinion, should we let her decide (of course she might get it wrong), but at least she will be in control.

I'm very mindful of mental health and I'm really thinking it from what her mental health will be in the short and long term.

I've being searching the internet about ADHD.

[therising]

Welcome mkr666

Sounds like you have good instinct, holding off on the medication until you receive further insight.

As a mum to 2 teenagers, I always encourage my kids to assess whether their issues are based on 1 of 3 things or sometimes all 3 combined. Seeing mind, body and spirit are all connected in certain ways, I believe it's important to pinpoint how the energies are working or not working so well. By the way, in mentioning 'spirit' I simply talking about our sense of connection to life. Whether we're talking from the angle of quantum physics or spirituality, it's hard to deny we're energetic creatures living in an energetic world.

• The energy of the brain at work (aka the mind) can definitely present challenges especially when it comes to that energy being hyperactive
• The energy of body, with all that chemistry involved can certainly throw things out of balance
• The energy we experience when it comes to our sense of connection to life can also be challenging if our environment is uncomfortable or if we feel like we don't fit in with those around us

I suppose the course of action, for any parent, depends partly on the nature of their child. For example, if a child is both hyperactive and highly productive, a shift to a highly productive environment may see them blossom beyond their wildest dreams (putting such energy to good use). Taking a philosophical highly sensitive child who feels deeply connected to life (animals, nature etc) and putting them in situations which promote life, instead of ones that are destructive, will of course present positive results which reflect that child's nature.

Based on your instinct, as a parent, what type of issues is your daughter dealing with - mental, physical or spiritual (sense of connection to life)? Is it all 3 perhaps? Have you ever considered looking outside the square and researching therapists which address all 3 aspects of self? Therapists who take this holistic approach may not necessarily lean so heavily toward medication, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are well educated reputable therapists with credentials in child psychology who take this angle whilst addressing the possibility of ADHD. They're big on addressing balance, something we all need in life.

Do you think incorporating this 3rd aspect of self (energetic connection to life) would be something which would excite your daughter in some way? Would it help her to get to know herself better? Just some food for thought.

🙂

[Summer Rose]

Hi mkr666

When my daughter was 13 she was diagnosed with a mental health condition and part of her recommend treatment plan included medication. I know it's a different condition but the issues were the same. What to do? Who decides?

You can't make a 13 year old accept treatment. But you can guide and support her towards making an informed decision in consultation with you and your wife.

In our case we did the research, gathered the evidence and discussed it with our daughter. We had further discussions with the doctors involved.

Critically, we posed the question, what's the alternative? We did more research and we talked some more. Through this process the three of us came to a unanimous decision.

In our case, we embarked on the treatment plan with full flexibility to alter the plan if we didn't see the desired results. Did we push our daughter down this path? No. Did she have full control? No. We followed the evidence.

I'm really sorry that you are facing this decision. I know it's really hard. Happy to keep talking if it helps.

Kind thoughts to you

[mkr666]

Thanks for all the help. I hope someone that was in my child's position can give me some insight as well.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi MKR666,

Welcome to the forum. I have had a lot of experience in supporting kids and families with ADHD. There is no one definitive test that defines whether or not a child has ADHD. In my experience it thought a series of assessments and interviews with paediatricians, psychology and school staff as well as information collected from you and your daughter. In my experience, a holistic approach and plan towards reaching treatment goals includes your daughter, family, school, and the health care team. Getting everyone on the same page can be hard but in my experience has longer term gains.

I appreciate you cautious approach to medication as it does come with side effects and it doesn't work for everyone. Gaining more assessment information (or even a second opinion) on your daughters symptoms is a really good start. By keeping your daughter central in the discussions of her care (if she has the desire and capacity) is a collaborative approach which has a lot of benefits. As a young adolescent, she will feel more empowered and supported by being involved in treatment decisions and feel a greater sense of ownership of these decisions. Working together as a family to gather the right evidence (such as assessments) to make the right treatment decisions will likely see a more sustained adherence to the treatment plan that you create.

I wish you the best on getting a really clear picture of your daughters symptoms and that the people in your health care team provide you with treatment options and pathways to reaching her health goals.

When advising people on how to get the most our of health professionals, I always encourage people to make a really clear set of goals of what they want to achieve (write them down). This way health professionals and can better facilitate you on reaching these goals. Being really informed prior to attending appointments can also help as can having a list of questions written out prior to any appointment.

I have attached a couple of links to ADHD sites that you might find interesting.

https://www.adhdaustralia.org.au/resources-online/

https://www.rch.org.au/kidsinfo/fact_sheets/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_ADHD/

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn