Supporting partner with paranoia, anxiety, and depression

[LunaLily1]

Hello,

I am needing some advice on supporting my partner of 2 years with depression, anxiety and paranoia.

We have been together for 2 years and even in the beginning of our relationship he stated that he suffered from paranoia and at times felt it would be easier if he was not alive. However, he has said he would not act on this as he would never want to put his family through a situation like that as it is something they have had to deal with in the past.

The paranoia takes a huge toll on our relationship as a lot of the thoughts he has are directly related to me. As an example, he thinks that I do certain things around the house to send messages to him. Another is that he believes that I am cheating on him with people from my workplace. This makes me very frustrated and uncomfortable because the act of going to work to pay for us to live together means he is thinking these thoughts about me. Or me sitting on my phone for a vrief moment gives him the thought that I am texting with someone.

Covid lockdown was very tough for us but I thought that we did a pretty good job of getting through it, however, recently he has gone into a depressive sort of state and only wants to play video games all day and night. Sometimes he does not even go to sleep all night and if he does decide to sleep he will occasionally sleep in the spare bed. I have mentioned that I feel lonely and don't know what to do and he suggested I find something to do with my time or find some friends to do things with so that I don't worry about him.

This is very hurtful for me and feeling extremely lost on how to improve this situation.

[Sophie_M]

Hi LunaLily1, 

We can understand how this can be very frustrating and confusing for you to deal with.  It sounds like you are doing all you can to support your partner, to understand their mental illness and all the complications that come with it. Have they gone to see a GP to be put on a mental health plan?

If you would like to speak to someone about how best to support your partner regarding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. Of course they too can contact Beyond Blue themselves to seek support.

If things get particularly overwhelming we would strongly urge them to get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

They can also contact MensLine Australia, it is a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service for men with emotional health and relationship concerns. You can contact them on 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/.  This is another service you can contact in order to get some advice on how to support your partner, if you think it would be helpful.  

You are not alone and the community is here to support you. 

[Croix]

Dear LunaLily1~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in greeting you, I'm glad you met her as she gives good practical advice.

Trying to cope with someone who has paranoia is more than difficult, at times it can be impossible when his thoughts and beliefs fly in the face of reality. If you now add in a depressive state where he seems to want to isolate himself it is well-nigh impossible.

For you to have managed to hold things together and also be the wage earner for this long speaks volumes for your strenght, and also your love. You are provider and carer.

Frankly I'm not sure there is much more you can do by yourself to improve his situation. May I ask if he has been seeing any of the medical profession about his condition?

For someone who has strong beliefs that do not align with the real situation it can be hard to get them to seek help, however I believe it is really the only way that things can get better. I have had someone with a similar illness in my family and it was therapy and medication that brought them back to a stable and realistic view of the world.

I have to say you are the other person that needs to be supported. All those accusations, lack of trust and being left alone are a corrosion on the soul and leave you feeling injured, unloved and lonely. It is a life of high stress and frustration with no real way of making yourself feel better.

So I'd like to ask who is supporting you? Do you have family or a friend you can turn to, speak frankly about the situation and receive understanding and care? Trying to deal with all this in isolation is very hard, and if there is a good chance someone will help, then do not be put off by fear or embarrassment, just talk with them, feel you way and if it looks promising take them into your confidence.

It would also be wise to visit your own GP. High stress over a prolonged period is harmful and a medical eye on your physical and mental health would be a good idea. You may also gain some advice on how best to get your partner to receive effective medical treatment and also what to expect.

You also would benefit from having time to yourself each day to do something you enjoy, it can be a distraction and a comfort.

I hope my suggestions are in some way practical, please come back and talk more

Croix