Hi Effie,
Welcome to the forums.
You pose a pretty tricky question which I guess has a number of possible responses. Before I go into that I wanted to ask:
What sort of treatment is your husband receiving for his depression? How long has he suffered for? What sort of support do you and your children receive at the moment?
I suppose the first way to address your query is to consider that despite being mentally unwell, there is absolutely no excuse for verbal, physical, or emotional abuse. It is fair to state that your children are being impacted by your husband's condition. His actions will have an effect on the way they deal with things as the become adults. So I wonder if you've asked yourself if this is a healthy and safe environment for your children to be in? I guess this approach would conclude in removing yourself and your children from the environment.
The other way of viewing this would be to be more assertive with your husband and ensure that he seeks some extra support for his outbursts, so that he can better manage his temper. This option would require a lot of empathy from you and your children toward your husband. I guess it takes the angle that it's the illness talking and not your husband as a well man. In this scenario your husband would need to be willing to get all the help available to him. I'd also strongly suggest getting your children some form of counselling so that they understand that daddy is doing everything possible to change his behaviour.
As a carer for your husband it's important that you get support as well. It can be a really tough job. Do you see anyone professionally? Do you have supportive friends and family that you can talk to?
I think I've asked lots of questions. I hope we will hear back from you.
AGrace
