Schizoaffective Husband exhausting me!!!!

[sadnurse281]

My husband suffers from the depressive subtype of Schizoaffective disorder and so essentially shows symptoms of both schizophrenia and depression which is great.....we have been together 14 years and have a two year old son. We decided to have a baby when he was stable and seemed to be responding really well to his new meds.

5 years ago he had a major psychotic episode and was hospitalised by force with the police and in psych ward involuntary for two weeks and escaped once. This was the only time he had delusions etc and now that he is stable and medicated he has all the negative symptoms such as lack of speech, staring blankly into space, like a tired zombie all the time, memory loss, acts like he dosent care about me at all basically. Sleeps in the granny flat because he snores. I have to wake him up and also prompt him all the time which is exhausting with a toddler. He is good with our son and loves him but has trouble responding to his needs and also mine. I feel like I just want to shake him awake! I love him so much but I’m not getting anything back from him. No support, no affection. He is fine at work and works from home for himself but relationships are a different thing. He has no friends to spend time with either. He sees his psychiatrist once every 3 months and his psychologist told him he was doing well and not to worry about seeing her anymore! I’ve put so much energy into arranging his psych appointments etc I just don’t have the energy anymore. I feel like I’m getting lost in all of this and I’m trapped. Should I leave him or continue to try and stay? Any advice from people who understand would be appreciated greatly

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

A difficult position, cant say I blame you writing in.

Anybody that is a carer would likely understand or anyone that has been a partner to someone that has extreme difficulties would also.

Some might think that leaving him is "abandoning" him but that wouldn't be an accurate way of understanding the complexities and endurance you've had to have. In the end you have to maintain your own sanity for your are a carer not a life saver.

google and read the first post

Beyondblue topic who cares for the carer?

So as you have now read, there are basic responsibilities for the sufferer to the carer. Depending upon the nature of his illness, his abilities etc then depends of the carers basic expectations for him to respond....to care for you. That must be your judgement of course. You are the expert in that field- with him.

Snoring. Lack of sleep is actually a major problem that is rarely identified as being crucial to a sufferers behavior. My wife can pick it in an instant. For years I'd get upset easily and she'd say "did you sleep well last night"? and I'd brush it off. I shouldn't have! The fact is I act much more sedately when enough sound sleep has been achieved.

google

Beyondblue topic a good nights deep sleep

Friends. His lack of friends is his responsibility. With mens sheds and groups available nowadays there is few excuses for not finding any. Yes, tolerance in groups to mentally challenged people is low, but that's life.

google

Beyondblue topic is there room for stubbornness?

Now for yourself. I want to help you to improve your situation by considering the content in the following threads.

Beyondblue topic relationship strife?- the peace pipe

That thread might work in times of dispute. It works for us and could work for you if he is willing to commit to the rules.

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

In that thread I point out the waste of brain space with worry. Time to be more direct with him. Take control a little more (if you can of course). Return to your GP and spill the life you have and the extent that you are now considering separation. Consider a relationship counselor and go alone if he wont go. Learn techniques on dealing with him.

Now, finally - if all else fails and you leave remember, a good life is in your hands with your child.

Beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor

Please reply anytime here or in a new thread. We are here 24/7/365.

TonyWK