Scared mum of suicidal teen

[Crookedhearts]

My almost 17 year old son disclosed to his school teacher today that he is self harming, suicidal and has a plan. The school phoned to let me know and are referring him to their counsellor, but I'm now terrified to leave him alone. He works and plays sports, and unless I stop him from doing these activities I don't know how to keep him safe. It will be weeks before he can see a psychologist. I don't know where to even start in getting him support. Do I lock up all the sharps in the house, hide the medicines etc or is that overreacting? I'm at a loss and I'm terrified. 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Crookedhearts

I’m really sorry that your son is unwell and in such pain. Waiting weeks for professional help will be very difficult for both of you—again I’m sorry this is the situation you find yourself in. 

Thankfully your son has disclosed his feelings to his teacher. That would have taken a lot of courage, so good on him.

Have you been able to talk to him about his feelings yet?  Please, don’t be afraid to speak with him, calmly and without judgement. It’s important for him to know you love him and that you’re going to support him through this difficult time. Beyond Blue has some excellent resources on its website to help you approach this conversation.
When my daughter was in a similar situation, I did a few practical things to prepare and hopefully prevent her taking action.
I did remove sharps and medications from our home (even Panadol) locking them in the boot of my car. If your son is driving you may also want to stop his access to a vehicle.

I also programmed all local mental health emergency and support numbers into my phone. Make sure your son knows the number for Lifeline, 13 11 14, and encourage him to call if he’s feeling suicidal.

Perhaps you and your son could also draw up a list of people he can talk to when he needs support, as he may not always want to talk to you (that is not meant to hurt you, just my experience). I’m thinking of a trusted Aunt, grandfather, cousin, friend, coach, etc, and ask your son if you or he can disclose what’s happening to them so they understand how they can help.

Establish and maintain open communication with school teachers and their counsellor. You need to be kept well informed of how he’s going at school and be notified immediately of any absences—particularly if he leaves during school hours.

With my daughter’s consent I also slept on the floor of her room for quite awhile. 
Try not to hover too much but keep your eyes and ears open. Trust your gut and if you’re worried don’t hesitate to act, whatever that may mean. Call 000 in an emergency.

I know you are terrified but just take one day at a time. Sometimes it’s just about getting through until you can access the help you need.

Please post any time.

Kind thoughts to you

[Croix]

Dear Crookedhearts~

I'd like to welcome you to the Forum, I'm glad you came as you must be overwhelmed, lost and frightened to learn about you son, whom you love and wish to protect. It must have come as a complete shock and is so far from normal life

At the moment there seems no roadmap on what to do, and also I'm sure you feel you bear complete responsibility for your son. May I ask if in fact there is anyone to share this burden -such as a partner?

In order to do things that are appropriate I'm not going to talk about specifics (except one) but how to gain the information you need.

I'd suggest talking to your son, in a calm, loving and understanding way could be a very good thing. If he can see you as a person to approach anytime he feels overwhemed that would be great. Being an attractive person to reach out to is the ideal.

Specific organizations that can give you advice as a parent are:

Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467)

Lifeline (131114)

Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800)

Plus of course that school councilor

Between these you should gain an idea of what you can reasonably and effectively do.

I'd also suggest that wiht the help of a professional (perhaps even your GP) you and your son try to make a safty plan. I use Beyondnow which is free and is for a smartphone. It has apart from the usual numbers and resources you would expect an important section you build together listing things your son can do for himself

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

At this time you too need support, nobody is able to carry all this alone, may I ask what support you have yourself? Maybe family or a friend you can share things with, perhaps your GP?

If you would like to come back and talk some more that would be great

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Crookedhearts~

It's been a couple of weeks now and I just popped in to your thread to see how you are going. (Please do not feel you have to reply unless you want to).

Croix