Partner with depression is in denial and won't agree to help

[Anonymous01]

Good afternoon everyone,

To whoever is reading this - thank you first and for most.
My partner of 10 years developed depression this year and whilst he hasn't been diagnosed it is evident to everyone close to him, including myself, that he had this. I believe he knows he does and despite many people trying to guide him and suggest he seek help, he won't do it. 'No, I won't go' is the response.

 It all started 5 months ago with him saying he 'felt different', saying it wasn't me and in time this got turned on its head and he said it was me and he was on the verge of splitting up with me and still doesn't know if his future lies with me.

Since then life has been like nothing I have experience before, he has had insomnia, overworks himself to avoid his problems and at times has lashed out at me over the most ridiculous things which over time and with education I have learn full well when he is simply 'not himself' and tell myself its not my fault and that it is what he is feeling in his head.

It got to a point that he asked me to leave for a while because he knew he 'wasn't being fair on me' and I am still living away from the home but still see him at least once a week and we speak every day. 

His mood swings are always immediately evident, for example, last week he was a cheery as i'd seen him in months but then this week he had quite a down day again and recoiled and got frustrated at times. He still says we can' give the relationship another go, that its a part of the problem' and I still wonder whether or not he continues to use all of this to avoid the most evident issues. 

All in all, I don't want him to throw his life away because of something he has developed and something he didn't choose to have, yet I cannot live with a man who will not help himself either. It is agreed by my family and I know myself I have handled the situation incredibly well up to this point.

 All I am left with is ultimatum, me or depression. 

If anyone has any experiences of their own I would love to hear from you.

Thank you again for listening to me.

[Anonymous01]

I'd like to thank everyone for sharing their stories and words of support. It is much appreciated.

To CtlAltDelete, you are NOT rambling on about yourself. You cannot help feeling the way you do and you obviously know what is involved with depression and the effects of it. It is an extremely hard thing to be faced with someone who is insistent on not seeking help and I do hope that you will choose the right path for yourself so that you feel better. They are the only ones who can help themselves.

In hindsight, I am currently separated from my partner, if not temporarily. Having already lived away from him for a little while it is upsetting to know that whether you are near or far they are still going through the same thing and will choose to handle it in their own way. For now, I have done all I can. It was one of the toughest and most emotional days of my life for us to mutually agree on this but it is what it is. 
Despite how much love I have, all I wish for is his health and happiness. 

I'd like to note a response from romantic_thi3f - 'The only other thing I can think of to help is to try and work without the counsellor'. I have determined that he has not sought counselling because he simply doesn't believe in it. Thinks its a waste of time. In turn, I have accepted this and know full well that his work is his therapy, that it keeps his mind off things and that he knows he has depression. This is how he battles it and whilst he probably should seek another form of help, this is his help for himself right now. When the work dries out and he is left with his own vices again - that is the question.....

Geoff you appear a very active member on these forums and I thank you for your words of honest advice and encouragement. You have obviously been through a lot yourself and a lot of people on here must admire your kinds words.

We can all only wish for the best for our partners and friends, despite the hurt and the pain that comes along with it. It is something no one chooses to have or happen in their lives. Although I am not a sufferer its a damn, bloody disease that I cannot stand and cannot fathom but it is treatable and with time people become better and stronger again. Someday soon I hope my partner will see this.