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Partner is having trouble opening up

Community Member
I need advice on what to do... I myself have depression and I am trying to help my partner who is shutting down and going into a space that isn't healthy for him or me. He is blocking me out and refusing to talk to me as he doesn't know how to put his thoughts and feelings into words, he keeps overthinking so much to the point I have no idea what is going through his head. I want to help him but I don't know how when I ask him what he needs from me to help but he keeps telling me he doesn't know, and it's starting to really hurt me and affect me mentally as I was having a hard time with him wanting to be alone and not wanting to see me. He's starting to block me out and not talk to me, I think he needs to talk to a professional but how do I talk to him about this. I am feeling rejected and like its my fault when I know its not- Help!
2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Ems1234,

I’m sorry this is happening and that you also have depression.

Your partner may be having trouble navigating his thoughts.

Have you tried to talk to him about what is bothering him? Maybe in a way of understanding? Let him know you won’t judge him.

Maybe you could suggest he talks to his gp about the way he is feeling if he feels more comfortable.

I went through a mental health condition and some of the thoughts I was experiencing caused me a lot of distress…… the thoughts I was having were irrational but felt very real at the time….. some of the intrusive thoughts were about the ones closest to me…. So this was also a reason I found it hard to open up.

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety OCD after professional help I recovered.

I knew I had to tell those closest to me how I was feeling but I was worried they wouldn’t understand so I kept it to myself but I knew I couldn’t do that for much longer I needed help and support so I opened up.

I hope your partner can open up to you soon.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Ems, when somone becomes depressed, their partner/spouse is unsure of what they should say, to try not to make the other person more upset with their lack of knowledge or understanding of the current situation so they decide to not make themselves available, this may not be a lack of love but a safety measure, not to cause an argument.

What may be going through his head is many options, what if I say this or that, will it help or make it worse, so their decision not to make any comment seems like their safest option.

You can't blame yourself for feeling this way, nor can you necessarily put any guilt on him because both of you are doing exactly what you want need to do for survival, in other words, you can't keep chasing him when he is inexperienced, but now both of you need to talk with your doctor.

There are a couple of suggestions to first of all, help him, is to mention the Men's Shed and secondly to say that you have made a double appointment for the doctor, then they can direct either of you or both, into the direction where you can receive help.

Ask them about the 'mental health plan', this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions for the both of you.

Best wishes.