My Teenager wants to kill herself

[Nellie]

My sixteen year old daughter has just (only just) survived an attempt to kill herself . Physically, she us out of the woods but mentally/emotionally we have a long road ahead. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer and begin chemotherapy in two days time. My treatment will continue for six months and I just hope I am strong enough to support her. I'm not sure where I am going with this but I am just so worried. I am so worried about her. As a mother, you just want your kids to be happy and to think that she is so miserable that she wants to end her life is the worst. I know that she is ill but I cannot help feeling responsible for this outcome and how can I live knowing that she could try this again? I am worried about her younger brother; should I tell him the truth about what's happened? And I am worried about my gorgeous husband who found his father after he committed suicide 45 years ago and who is desperately trying to be strong and hold this family together. Finally I am worried that if this cancer beats me; no I can't even go there! Like I said, I don't know where I'm going with this but would appreciate any advice. Thx

[geoff]

dear Nellie, I can only feel so sorry for you, your daughter and the rest of the family, and I do apologise if I say things that may upset you in this reply.

I don't want to ask you too many questions as this is not appropriate, but I am just wondering whether your daughter knew of your cancer when she tried to take her life.

This is all so terrible and I think that you or your husband should tell your son, it's best for him to know from you/husband, because it will start to circulate around the neighbourhood and then at the school, and how it gets out and be able for others to know is always a mystery, but it does, and for your son to find out from someone at school would devastate him, and he would get annoyed with you , because you didn't tell him.

Your daughter will get sympathy from most of her friends, but it's the ones that don't get on with her, who could use this as a strangle hold against her, as well as being totally unfair because they will probably mention you as well, I'm so sorry to have said this, but kids can be very cruel.

You can google 'www.kidshelp.com.au' or phone them 1800551800, and these people maybe able to help your daughter and your son.

I am also worried for you, not only from your breast cancer, which must be a total shock, but also for your own mental health, and this applies to your husband, you have far too much to cope with, and it is really stretching all of you to your limits.

At this point of time all of you need the most support and help that you have never had before, and I implore you to stay in contact with us.

I really want to wish you all the very best, because living in hell is disastrous, please try and find the strength that you once had.

Will be waiting for a reply. L Geoff. x x.

[Ruth_M]

Hi Nellie,

Welcome to the forum. What you have described sounds incredibly stressful for all involved. It must be very hard for all members of your family to be trying to support one another, whilst dealing with their own health issues, worries and fears. The strain of caring for and worrying about others can also lead to our own burn-out and health issues, so it sounds like the important thing here is for everyone to have some supports built around them. A referral for counselling could be helpful for everyone in your family! Also in some areas there are support groups for parents, siblings and children of people experiencing both mental health and physical health issues. If your kids are school-age it may be helpful to enlist the support of the school welfare coordinator who can help them work through any difficult emotions that they are experiencing. 

To find out more about these or other options, try calling the beyondblue Support Line. You can speak to a counsellor 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 1300 22 46 36. 

Wishing you all the best for your treatment and for your family.

beyondblue moderation team

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Nellie,

I wouldn't tell the younger brother.  It seems the right thing to do but with all the other illnesses in the family it might be overload.    A teenage daughter probably should be respected.    If she informs anyone it's up to her.

"I know she is ill but can but cannot help feeling responsible for this outcome".  And then you mention your concern that she will try again.    I've tried 3 times and one was pretty serious and others just for attention.   Well, that's what the family says.   But just being there is all you can do.

Adios, David.

[kelly]

Dear Nellie,

I wish I could send you a hug. Please make sure you all continue to take care of each other. This is a very hard time for your family. I think you might try sitting down for a long talk with your daughter. When my mum had a lumpectomy I felt isolated by her strength. I know that sounds selfish, but when she thought she was protecting me from her fears, I felt as though she wasn't available. I understand you don't want to frighten her, but at 16, she is old enough to hear you say, "I'm frightened, too." I'm sure the possibility of, "what if..." Is high on her mind. And enlisting her help will enable her to support you, and hopefully open the channel for you to do the same for her. 

I wish you every ounce of good fortune for this incredible challenge ahead.

[kelly]

Keep thinking of you Nellie, and how you're getting along. I hope the chemo wasn't too bad and you've been able to forge a new connection with your daughter x