My Partner is emotionally abusive

[Bibby]

Hi All

First time posting. I am a 61 year old woman, good job good person etc etc. I feel stupid that I cant get away from him and no body knows about this.

I have been in this relationship for 13 years and I don't know how to escape. I am actually scared. It is not physically abusive but the threat is there.

He does the following:

blames me for all the problems in a relationship, constantly comparing me with others to undermine my self-esteem and self-worth
usually being in a bad mood, intentionally embarrassing me in public, name calling, yelling, insulting or swearing, controlling my finances,
prevents me from seeing my friends and family.

To name a few... when he is triggered I say absolutely nothing and after a period of time he may apaologise but says I made him do it!

Any help would be so appreciated.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Some people are controlling yet stop short of narcissism. Either way it is how you perceive the abuse that is important, not how others grade it.

A short story- As a young man I was financially hopeless but over 40yo I was fine. I then met a lady and we were s couple for 10 years, In that time she slowly introduced limits on spending. I earned 3 times more than her and had built my own home. One day she told me I was being put on “pocket money”. That’s when the problems began. How demoralising. The control never stopped.

I had s previous relationship whereby her silence lasted up to 6 weeks at a time, not one word in that time except to other people.

All of these control issues is unacceptable and you do need to consider counseling as a way to see himself for how unreasonable he is.

Fsiling that separation is the only way you can get your life back. Have you considered same?

TonyWK

[white knight]

Oh, and google

beyondblue topic the definition of abuse

Beyondblue topic narcissism

TonyWK

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Bibby,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

I am sorry to hear of the path that your relationship seems to be taking. It's quite scary to reach that point where you know you need help, but don't know how to get it exactly. Also the fear of your partner finding out that you have reached out. No one deserves to be abused, and separated from those who are most important to us.

Perhaps you could call 1800 RESPECT for some advice. Do you think that might help? The number for them is 1800 737 732. They provide counseling, referrals and information 24/7.

I do hope that you can find a better way of communicating with your partner, or at least a way out from under the controlling and abusive behavior of your partner. Please also remember that Beyond Blue is here for you, and we are here with you for as much support as you want, and we can offer.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you. xo

[slidingdoors1]

Hi Bibby,

This sounds so awful, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this.

I too am in an Emotionally/manipulative relationship. I have never been so close to leaving as I was the other day. I laid it all out on the table and he has admitted he has a problem, he has promised to change and is going to get help. I can't help to think that this is one of his manipulations and shit is going to hit the fan again and he will go back to treating me like dirt. I am 34 years old and we have been together since I was 19. He use to be fine until we got married and had children. He is controlling, suspicious, puts me down and calls me names. He is even suspicious of me and family members, which is absurd. He has caused so much drama between everyone and it is getting more toxic. He makes me feel so uncomfortable with myself. I am feeling so depressed and down. I really do love him, but I feel like I am an inch away from leaving. Unfortunately I am not in the financial position to leave and I am unsure what supports are out there.

I'm hoping you get the support you need. A lot of people would think and say "just leave" but it's so much harder than that. You're not alone.

[Bibby]

TK thank you for replying. I have considered counseling but would be too afraid to suggest it.

I know I have to find a way to escape, I appreciate your thoughts.