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my depressed husband won't get help

Jdog
Community Member
I have described my husband as my beautiful husband for the last 28years. For the last 2 years at least he has turned into a dark stranger after a number of traumatic life events, car accident, injury, surgeries on the injuries, father passed away and lost job security. His response has been hostility and non communication, but when he does communicate its usually to blame me for his unhappiness. He saw a councillor early on, this turned his sadness into anger and he didn't attend any more sessions to resolve this anger so it has festered into complete hostility toward me, the councillor advised him to move out of home without inviting me in to provide a different perspective.  I have gathered all of my resources to try and support him and continued to be loving and gentle but this also seems to feed his anger. I am so desperate he is ruining our beautiful marriage and family without any attempt at problem solving and he is becoming deeper into his depression. Any thoughts?
12 Replies 12

Hello Jdog

It's good you feel your husband is making some progress.  It's also great that some of our high profile men are owning up to depression.  This is making a huge difference to men such as your husband who are wary about being perceived as a whimp.

On BB there is a link to web site called Man Therapy. On the BB home page, underneath the pictures there is a bar with various titles. At the right hand side is an arrow. Click on that and it will move to another set of titles where you will find Man Therapy. Click on that to take you to the web site. I suggest you read and explore it. There is heaps of information for men and about men, including tips for family and carers.

If you can get your husband to look at this he may find it helpful. It's presented in a semi-humorous manner, which is meant to relate to men although it would irritate me. But that's not the point. There is all sorts of 'stuff' there which he may be interested in.

The second thought for your husband is the Men's Shed organisation. I don't know if there is one near you but you can search for Men's Sheds and look up your area. There is also a blurb about the reason for this organisation. Your husband may enjoy doing and making in the company of other men. These blokes also talk about their problems, which is the main reason for it's existence, so maybe husband will have a chat and decide to go for help.  Worth a thought?

These organisations are not a substitute for expert help but may be able to give him that little push in the right direction.

Mary

Jdog
Community Member
thank you for sharing your story it was really generous and brave. I will take your advice on board about getting counselling for myself, I could use it.

Dear Jdog

It's good to hear from you again.  How are things going with you? I see BK13 has also joined the conversation with his story.  I know these stories are sad but it so good when people can share them so that you know you are not alone.

Have you managed to meet up with a counsellor or psychologist yet? Where is your husband staying at the moment?  Is he back with you or still with his mother? 

I would love hear how you are managing and if there is any progress with husband.  Please remember to look after yourself and your health.

Regards

Mary