My dad has PTSD

LeslieM · ‎21-06-2014

My dad has PTSD, we have asked him repeatedly to get help but he is worried that an official diagnosis from a Psychiatrist will result in getting his bike/car licence revoked.. His condition is tearing our family apart and being exposed to it for over 25 years, has effected me emotionally, mentally and living with him has become unbearable and I am severely depressed. I am unemployed and as a result I can't move out and away from it, and get a place of my own. He would rather keep his licence than mend what is left of our family. My sister works overseas and we always used to help each other through it, but I have no one, as my mother lets him walk all over her, it's all she can do. We argue OFTEN, and sometimes it can become physical, but the verbal attacks hurt the most. It's got to a point where I no longer want children because I worry his attitude will rub off and me and I am terrified of treating my children the same way he has treated me. I am also worried that if I have children, he will lose his temper one day and possibly hurt them out of impatience, frustration, or taking his bad mood out on them. I have grown up understanding and accepting my dad for all he is, his strengths and his flaws, but he cannot accept my mother and I for our faults and he holds it against us when he is in a bad mood. Sometimes I fear him. My dad is beyond getting help or wanting it, HELP.

Neil_1 · ‎22-06-2014

Dear Leslie

Thank you so much for coming to Beyond Blue and providing this post. I'm sorry that I am unable to assist you with any jobs in that particular field. But just reading through your situation, I'm thinking that obtaining "any" kind of job might be a very good thing to obtain. We don't know obviously where you live - be it a large city, reasonably sized city or town - but the location for where you are obviously can also play a big role in job availability.

Leslie, with regard to your fathers PTSD - if he is diagnosed with it ( and I hope there's someway that this can happen), there is no rules against him being able to drive. I suffer from this illness and I drive. I do lots of things - so yes, just by being diagnosed with a certain condition, does not stop that person from being able to do things - like driving.

So from what I'm gathering, it's just the 3 of you living together at present - with our sister overseas.

I really think that perhaps both you and your Mum need to get some kind of advice/professional help in this instance as well - by seeing a GP and letting them know what is happening.

When I hear of instances of anyone being physically abused it just isn't on - something needs to be done. As you say, sometimes you fear him - this is not a good way to be - as you would know.

By the sound of it, getting your father to seek help is not going to be an option. But steps need to be taken - to me, re-reading this situation, it's almost like something where the police need to be involved. I'm very concerned for your situation and by you coming here, it's really obvious that you are extremely worried as well.

One last thing before I post this - with regard to you and in the future for any possible children - please Leslie, let's get through this current period - but I would like to say, that I really believe for anyone who has suffered trauma at the hands of their parents - these people turn out to be the most wonderful caring parents - I'm talking specifically about the wonderful people on this site who've been through horrors at their home.

Leslie, there's so much more I want to write, but this reply has got to a big length now - I will send off now and PLEASE do get back to us. Others from this site will post to you with wonderful support and advice as well.

Kind regards

Neil

LeslieM · ‎26-06-2014

Hi Neil,

Thank you so much for responding, I really do appreciate such kind words of support and advice.

You make very valid points and I couldn't agree with you more on the topic.

I had a much needed chat with my sister on Skype last night, we spoke for over 4 hours.
The ironic thing is that My father has effected me more than it has my sister, and she gave me the best advice to continue with the current situation. My problem a lot of the time is that I try and defend myself to him but it enrages him further because I 'talk back' so to speak.

But all I need to do is just let the arguments lie, no matter how trivial or small they may seem.
The frustrating thing is that my dad is a gentle giant, and when he snaps that is when he can be emotionally abusive and goes on a psychological war path.

This advice coming from you as you suffer the same condition is so great and I can't thank you enough for responding. I have found an avenue of work on commission and if it goes well for me it can open up so many opportunities which will allow me to move out.
The mistake I make is letting his comments get to me. Because when he calms down he regrets everything that was said.
My Mother will always be on my fathers side, unfortunately she has led a sheltered life which provides no backbone on her part to stand up for herself at times. He is never violent with her so this I am thankful for.

As for being a future parent, my sister said the same thing to me. But I worry about my father being around my children if I ever do have any. It is something I will think long and hard over.

Thank you again Neil.
I was having such a bad evening when I wrote this message, and I can honestly say I am seeing my situation in a very new light.

Best Regards,
Leslie x