Lost

[lmnop]

I’ve got a lot of little things eating me away.  I’ve recent lost a friendship with a friend with no real understanding why.  I’ve failed at a job interview that I was super experienced and qualified for and I’ve been told that my current role will cease at the end of the year and I’ll have to apply for it if I want to keep doing similar work.  I’ll still have a job but it will be doing something else,  I don’t know what and at 63, and a specialist in my field, I’m left bewildered and embarrassed.  Everyone  I work with seemed to think I was really good at my job. I thought I was really good at my job. I thought I was above average at my job. I was clearly wrong. I’m devastated to be honest. My boyfriend smokes weed. We’ve been together 20 years and we have a 19yo old son at uni and living interstate. My BF smokes weed and tries to solve my problem's with really stupid advice that does my head in. .  He sometimes restrains me if I try to get away from him.  He tells me to stop crying or stop being sad and this makes me worse but I sometimes can’t get away from him. I feel like I hate him. I wish he would go away forever.  He’s not engaged in this relationship he’s not interested in being with me. No sex. My friend was my rock but she’s a stoner too. She is 10 years younger and we used to do heaps of cool stuff together like bike riding and lunches and walks.  I didn’t spend much time with her in evenings as she was too drunk and stoned.   So we were solid daytime friends. Until her son started hanging around hitting on my grown up friends and getting wasted at my place and generally being a pain in the ass. My boyfriend told me he harassed another friend of ours and she was uncomfortable.   I spoke to the boys dad, my friends hubby about this behaviour and he agreed it had become a problem. The kid didn’t work and was pulling cones with his mum at 10am. Hubby tried to sort it out and the kid moved out initially in anger, to live with friends in Sydney (and got a job) but my friend got really angry with me and blamed me for him leaving. I later found that my BF denied that anything happened. My friend thinks I made it up because I’m trying to control her life. Now she’s bringing other people into it.  I’ve been really understanding of her as a mother myself. But I am super sad that she’s dragging other friends of mine into this.  So my bf throws me under a bus, gets in my face when he’s stoned, and my career is ended and I lost my friends. I’m lonely & sad

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome,

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story - it takes courage to post on the forums.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time on multiple fronts. Dealing with career setbacks, the loss of a cherished friendship, and an unsupportive partner must feel incredibly lonely and devastating. You don't deserve to be treated that way in your relationships.

With what happened at work ... It's understandable to feel bewildered, and questioning your abilities after the job situation. But the fact that your coworkers thought highly of your work shows you have skills and value. This change is not a reflection on you as a person.

On your partner ... Restraining you against your will is unacceptable. Dismissing your feelings and offering poor advice when you are struggling is hurtful, not helpful. You deserve to feel safe, respected and emotionally supported.

I wonder who you feel that you can lean on at the moment? Any other supportive relationships you have.

I want you to know that you have value, strength and resilience within you. One step at a time, you can start to rebuild and find your path forward.

[therising]

Hi Imnop

What you're going through sounds incredibly challenging and no one around you seems to be bringing any sense of ease into your life. Quite the opposite, they're making everything so much harder.

On the job front, there can be so many factors involved in a job interview: The nature of the person interviewing us, what they're looking for (that we might not be aware of), how we come across to them, what kind of day they're having, whether their intuition is good or bad and so on. Btw, if their intuition is way off, they might be the type of person who doesn't recognise the best person for the job and that's not our fault. Speaking of intuition, I can recall back in my 20s being amongst a staff of about 20 people who were being interviewed by new owners. There were only 3 positions available, with most of the staff facing being out of a job. While I thought of all the right things to say in the interview, something said to me 'You need to be completely honest while begging to keep your job', so I did just that. In a nutshell it kinda went 'I love this job more than anything and because I love it so much, I'm desperate to keep it'. It worked. I think they sensed my begging as being a true passion for the job. As I say, all depends on who the interviewer is. Some would find begging pathetic.

While your partner and friend's habits serve them, such habits definitely don't serve you (such as the dope smoking and managing through abuse). Some people grow out of certain habits, based on wanting to evolve or based on coming to recognise just how destructive their habits are and some will say, in one way or another 'I'm not the one with the problem'. With dope typically acting as a relaxant, taking people to their 'happy place', they often won't want that 'happiness' disturbed and will fight to keep it, hence the fighting. Fighting can sound a bit like 'Why do you always upset me? Why can't you just make me happy or leave me alone? Why do you have to be like this?' etc or they'll tell you to go away. Naturally, life isn't always an easy or carefree experience (with so many challenges that lead us to evolve) and some people will stick with their habits in order to not face the tougher stuff. That can leave us to face the tough stuff as we develop alone. As we develop, there's a natural side effect and that involves leaving people behind, if they choose not to change in any way.

I'm so glad you came here, a place where I hope you can feel that you're not alone. ❤️