Hi all,
I have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months with a gorgeous man who I love incredibly. We get along so well, and he's just beautiful.
When we met he was depressed however I didn't realise, as our relationship started out we were both so excited and chirpy that I found that both my anxiety, and his depression was nowhere to be seen. We spoke twice a day, texted constantly, about everything and a lot of sexual things. (honeymoon)
About 3 months in, he completely plummeted emotionally and asked for a break and for me to cancel all flights and that he could not handle our relationship anymore. It broke my heart. We hardly spoke, hardly messaged.
After 2 weeks he apologised, said he couldn't handle the split and that it was a mistake, that he loved me and paid for me to go there. The depression then disappeared again until about 1 month ago.
He started a new job, had really high hopes for how it would go. Some pieces he worked on did not go to plan and all of a sudden he started plummeting again. Getting depressed, not texting or calling much, etc.
Me, being anxious, has automatically gone into OH GOD mode, worried that he will think that our relationship is causing too much stress again, and will break it off. I feel neglected because he has withdrawn.
He mentioned a few weeks back how hard he found this, that he couldn't just see me whenever, and that planning for the future of me moving there felt like loads of pressure too.
As a result I have become a sad over thinker and have been too impacted by it emotionally.
In summary, I need help with how I can support him and also manage my own expectations. Understand that it's not necessarily me, and how to 'drop those thoughts'. I just love him dearly and he deserves to feel the absolute best and I desperately want him to see that.
Also, we have been talking about next year closing the gap. How do I live with someone who is depressed and not get depressed myself? How do I stop getting anxious when I feel neglected? Also, how do I make sure I don't put my own needs and feelings second always?
Advice and stories appreciated.
