I'm lost

[cmorgan]

My husband of 9 years has been diagnosed with depression and now on medication. This is something that is new to me as Ipersonally  have never had to deal with this before. We together have a 7 year old daughter and recently have a new born baby now only 4 weeks old. It all started by my husband one night uncontrollably crying, after a few days and a doctors visit, he has been diagnosed with depression. His thoughts currently are that he wants to sell the house and walk away from us as a family. He says he loves his children however says he says he no longer loves me. He says he doesn't feel anything for me actually doesn't feel anything he says.  He wants to be affectionate with me and cuddle me still etc but then on the next hand can be distant towards me. I am not ready to give up on my marriage or our family we have together, I have contacted a professional firstly for myself so I can understand how to approach this and what is ok and not ok to do or say to someone with depression. I am feeling very lost, sad for us and sad for my young family we have together. I love my husband he means to whole world to me. Every time I think of the fact that he wants to leave us, I just break down, I think of my eldest daughter having to wake up every morning without a dad, and my baby of 4 weeks not ever knowing that feeling of having a dad around.  Your comments are welcome.  I won't give up until I have exhausted every means possible.

[Neil_1]

Hi there cmorgan (or is just morgan?)

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I really thank you for coming here and providing your post - I hope that between a few of us, we might be able to generate some ideas for you and your husband.

I really do feel for you in the situation that is happening and I can see how much your love for your husband is - very strong and obviously for your beautiful family that you have as well. 

Ok, those are some confronting words that your husband has said to you - but as he's diagnosed with depression, the mental illness plays with our minds and we do and say things that I believe we wouldn't say under normal circumstances.  He sounds very confused, when you say he tries to be affectionate at times and then distant at others.

I think it's wonderful that you've sought out professional help, but what I'm sensing from your post is that at this point in time, it is you who is seeking assistance.  Does this mean that your husband won't or isn't wanting too?  Because he really needs to get some strong professional assistance with this.  Contacting a GP who deals with mental health issues would be a strong suggestion - and on this website, Beyond Blue have just those kinds of GP's available - do a search and hopefully you can find one or more in your local area.

Or having him already diagnosed, has he been seen by anyone else (like counselling or a psyche or on any possible medication)?

cmorgan, I've asked a few questions here, so hopefully you're able to get back to us so we'll be better informed to try and assist you and your husband.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Cmorgan, I am pleased that you have the determination to overcome this problem, because when someone is suffering from depression, we really don't understand what we are saying, because it confuses our mind, and the person closest to us is the one we seem to target.

Take for example he says that he doesn't love you, yet he still cuddles you and wants to be affectionate with you, now if he doesn't love you then he wouldn't do this at all.

He loves his children and they adore and love him, and please I hope that you can stay on the site, because different circumstances will happen in which you would like some help with. L Geoff. x