I don’t where to turn

[gilmoregirl]

My husband is suffering from depression and anxiety. The medication he is on at the present has settled the anxiety but the depression is bad. He hardly gets out of bed most days and I’m feeling quite overwhelmed. Both his doctor and psychologist have said it’s on him now he needs to make the effort to get up and do things. I have tried to help him by helping him make lists of things to do, suggested by the psychologist but to no avail. My husband acknowledges that he needs to get up but says it’s just too hard and easier to stay in bed. I feel he needs to see a psychiatrist but his doctor doesn’t feels that’s necessary and that it won’t help. Does anyone here experienced anything similar? I just don’t know what to do. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

It sounds like your husbands professional staff have indicated that it is the lack of real effort from your husband that needs to change, i.e. to help himself, to motivate himself, before changes can happen.

We cant override such professionals but one thing I found for me and my wife (the latter has a different depression to me) is to wait for the cycle of depression to make a full circle before we can motivate ourselves. Before then is a waste of energy and can create conflict.

Everyone's depressive cycle is different. If you wait until your husband rises to attend the bathroom and suggest he have a shower as he returns to bed, he might not do that a few times then, he might just have one. A shower energises the skin and it could break the cycle. Bare in mind however that the real problem here is apparently lack of effort but waiting for the opportunity is an outside the square thinking and you have to try everything at your disposal.

I would also speak to his psychiatrist as to altering (lowering) his medication. I cant discuss that further.

I commend you for caring and seeking help. Hopefully it is something that he will find the drive to improve his life. 

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi gilmoregirl

Your husband is so blessed to have you in his corner, actively researching ways that can make a difference to him. Some partners will simply sit back and hope for the best that everything changes. While hope is a good thing at times, at other times it's not enough to make a difference.

I've found, based on my own experience with depression, the energy factor becomes a major factor. It can be so hard to develop it, in order to have enough of it to feel any form of motivation. If energy and motivation are feelings, those feelings just aren't there. So, it's kinda like 'How can I work with what's not there?'. The questions can be

1. How do I start working with next to no energy, in simple ways?
2. How do I create enough energy to the point where I can actually start to feel it?
3. What are a number of basic stimulants that could help?
4. What are acting as energy suppressants in my life?

and the list goes on.

The stimulant and suppressant factors definitely play a major role. Simple stimulants can't necessarily be felt in major ways but together they can begin to add up and a difference may eventually be felt in some way. Bit of chemistry and physics here but if coffee is like a shot of dopamine, starting the day with a bit of dopamine can be a good start. While water/hydration doesn't sound all that appealing, good hydration helps create more energy for every cell in our body. Our cells literally vibrate with energy. Water helps increase the vibration/excitement/energy in our cells. A long list of energy generators, so I won't go on.

Suppressants can have a significant impact once all those start to add up too. Whether it's about suppressing energy production by staying in bed or ingesting suppressants, the question becomes 'What are all the things that stop energy from being generated?'. Whether it's mental and/or physical hyperactivity as a side effect of ADHD or anxiety, is the medication that's being taken to settle such high states of activity suppressing too much activity?

Sometimes motivation can begin in the simplest or strangest of ways. Mind you, I'm a gal who loves to research, as a way of managing my mental health and generating greater forms of self understanding. If nothing will lead your husband to get out of bed, maybe a bit of laptop research in bed could make some difference. 'Are humans made of quantum energy?' is an interesting one to research. An education on how his energy works or how it doesn't work under certain conditions might give him a few 'Aha!' moments. He might even get out of bed to test some theories, when it comes to how he works from an energy perspective.