Hello xxsnowxx
Thanks for your post and welcome to the beyond Blue community. Everyone's experience of depression is different but there are common areas. First of all I suggest you explore this site and read about depression. Look under the blue tabs at the top of the page, especially The Facts and Resources. The information is good and there is information for family and friends.
Some of the common feelings are a belief the depressed person (DP) is of no value, unloved and unlovable, that depression is a life sentence, no one can help, the DP is considered "a nut case" by society. These may or may not be the thoughts of your husband but they are fairly common. You cannot simply tell the DP these things are untrue because they will not believe you. Not logical I know, but then depression does take away our power to think clearly and logically.
By the way referring to a depressed person as DP is my shorthand. For many people depression is like living in a dark place, a cave or tunnel, no light, no love, no happiness and only the sound of their own thoughts. People appear to operate in a normal manner, especially at work, because they put on a social mask and expend massive amounts of energy trying to appear "normal". And this is one of the reasons they are constantly tired.
What can you do for your husband? Understand that his attitude towards you comes from the depression. If he loved and cared for you and your family before becoming depressed, then he still cares about you but cannot reach or feel those emotions. Try not to be hurt, a hard ask I know, because he does care.
Give him good food. He may not eat much but it is important for his health. Water is great but not alcohol.
Antidepressants (ADs) can be a great help. Many people refuse to take them as it appears to be a sign of weakness. Not true but again a symptom of distorted thinking. ADs cannot cure depression, but they can help the brain to regain it's normal way of operating. A bit like a spring cleaning effect or a drain unclogger. The connections in the brain have been reduced or not working efficiently and need help to start working properly again. If he likes analogies tell him it's like having his car engine serviced, or works like an antibiotic for the brain.
I hope that helps and gives you a bit of insight. Write in again.
Mary
