How do I help my son?

[Foxmum]

My son is 18 and split with his girlfriend about 2 months ago. He had been with her for 6 months - his first love - a very one sided relationship- he was obsessed she made little effort. He broke it off because of the constant pain it caused him. He’s been so sad, spending a lot of time sitting by himself in his car at a local car park listening to music. About a month ago the parents of the girlfriend messaged to say he had sent suicidal messages and a suicide letter. The messages said he had attempted to take his own life. We got him home and I spoke to beyond blue and the local suicide triage service. He refused their services. Over the last month on the surface he seemed to be recovering but he’s not. He’s restless, sad, cries, puts up a barrier saying he’s fine. He is alternating between visiting anyone and everyone and long spells driving around on his own. He is not following through on anything we try and involve him in - a car restoration, the gym,

This weekend his friend rang me in tears after receiving messages from my son and believing he was suicidal. My son claims the friend misinterpreted the message.

He refuses to see or talk to anyone. Says he can do it on his own and he just needs time. I feel there should be some progress in Two months .He does talk to a degree to me but I feel he filters everything and pretends it’s not as bad as it is. My life is falling to pieces. I can not cope with my constant inner turmoil. I’m so scared i can barely function. I don’t know how to help him.

any advice on getting him to see someone or any advice on how to help him. I carnt just let him self combust.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Foxmum,

Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like you are a really caring and supportive parent, and it sounds like you’ve taken some incredibly important steps.

We're glad you could share here. It's a really safe space for this discussion, and a great place to connect with people who might be able to relate, share some insights or know something of what you're going through. We're sure we'll hear from them at some point. In the meantime, here's some things you might like to look at: 

• Advice on having the conversation when someone isn’t sure they want to see a professional
• A previous thread where other forum users have discussed supporting and communicating with a young p...
• Our pages on looking after yourself when supporting someone
• Episode 2 of Not Alone, the Beyond Blue podcast, in which Caroline shares her story of supporting he...

It’s so important, that while caring for your son, you are aware of your own emotional wellbeing. Please remember to reach out any time you feel you are struggling, to the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach our counsellors via webchat, here.

Your son is, of course, always welcome to contact us too, or there’s our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467. In case he might be more open to reaching out to these services via webchat, here they are:

• Beyond Blue (11am-12am AEDT)
• Lifeline (24/7)
• The Suicide Call Back Service (24/7)

Please remember that if either of you feel unsafe, or if he feels that he is not able to avoid acting on his impulses, the number to call is 000. It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. He can even call Lifeline (13 11 14) and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone.

Please continue to share here, whenever you feel comfortable. You never know how your story might help others who can relate to what you’re going through. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Positive_vibes89]

Legally you can involuntary get your son admitted if he is at risk of harming himself or others. Seems like you have reasonable grounds to do so, generally you will need to call the police to do this. I recommend you have a read of the mental health act in your state. I feel for your so much, you must be feeling so powerless and I am so sorry. Anything in relation to suicide should be taken so seriously. Alternatively do not let your son out of your sight and continuiously monitor him and check up on him. If possible remove any items from his reach that he can use to self harm if possible, shaving razors, cords or anything you can possibly think of from your home to keep him safe. Your son might be feeling some shame or embaressment about seeking some help, you can remind him that if he wants to seek help legally wherever he goes they cannot disclose or share any information with anyone due to privacy laws not even with you as a parent. Your son may not want you to know about how he is feeling so he is keeping it bottled up within himself, explaing to him that he does have the right to privacy may help him consider reaching out to some support.

[quirkywords]

Foxmum

I can feel your love, pain and frustration you have for your son. As a parent it is our worst fear to see our child suffering but no matter what we do it seems we can’t take their pain away.

Sophie has given you ,helpful advice and support.

I agree with Sophie that you need to get support for yourself so that you are not overwhelmed by what is happening.

There is help and I hope your son will see that he needs it.