How can I help my partner

[Chrissy85]

I want to be a better wife, I want to help my husband to be happy. I just dont know how.

He has been depressed for along time, and a few months ago he finally went and seen a doctor about it who gave him some time of work and some tablets to take. Things were good while he was off work, and ended up quiting and going back to his old job.

Now this are worse than ever. He is so angry all the time. He doesnt have a single nice thing to say. He gets mad and throws things, bunches holes in the doors. We have several broken windows as a result and two broken doors. He has in the last two weeks threated me on four different occassions, that he wants to punch me in my face.

I am scared of him. He has never once in our entire 14years together ever said sorry. Its always my fault. My fault as I dont help enough with the renos, the house isnt clean enough ( I do all the house work and work full time, we have three kids one of whom has a disablity), the dog barked, I coughed, basically anything he can think of.

He never used to act out in front of the kids, but now he does. They are used to it know😢.

I dont want to leave him I want to help, but at the same time I want to run and hide. I dont want my children to grow up and think that this is acceptable.

We don't get much time alone. By the time I get home it make the kids dinner, homework, bedtime ritual. I sit down about 8.30pm with him to watch a show them we are off to bed. Weekends are busy looking after the kids and catching up on house work.

I am not an overly affectionate person and I have never been good with the deep and meaniful conversation. But I want him to be able to talk to me about what he is really angry about.

Please help.

[Candombera]

Hi Chrissy,

Thanks for sharing your story. There's a section called Healthy places > At home, everything you need for a healthy family > Healthy homes > Resolving family conflict on Beyond Blue's website. You can find useful information there.
Alternatively, you can call Beyond Blue's helpline on 1300 22 4636 and speak with a professional about your situation.

All the best
Xx

[blondguy]

Hi Chrissy85

Welcome and good on you for having the courage to post too!

Im really sorry that you are being subjected to the venting from your husband. Ive had depression for over 20 years and have taken meds for the entire period...and worked for a living

Above you mentioned that he quit his job...and then started his old one again and then became really angry...Is that right?

Just so I understand correctly Chrissy....is he still taking the meds he was prescribed?

The anger you mentioned is usually pent up frustration combined with a tired mind (a depressed one). You mentioned that he uses you as a target for his anger. Depression doesnt give us the right to treat others in a disrespectful manner...Its just not on.

Just my opinion but the more counseling the better. It takes a lot more courage to blow off steam with a therapist than to a loving partner.

you are not alone here at all Chrissy

I hope you can stick around and let us know you are faring 🙂

my kind thoughts for you

Paul

[geoff]

hi Chrissy, the problem doesn't seem to be with you, but your husband needs help because his behaviour is not what anybody should be doing in a marriage.

Can I suggest that you see your doctor as you're in a predicament which is not going to be easy to overcome, and I only say this out of care for you and the kids. Geoff.