Helping my partner with psychosis

[cgsha1]

My partner suffers from an unusual form of hearing voices. He frequently hears derogatory comments added in whilst either me or someone else is talking, which can also be from the TV/radio. I can't find any helpful information or other similar cases because he doesn't hear any independent voices when nobody is talking. He says the comments are said in my voice and others voice exactly.

He has suffered bipolar since he was 20, but this 'mishearing/added speech' started after he smoked ice/meth and weed a few times. He has not taken any drugs for over a year now but the psychosis is persisting. It has led to some delusions which have really hurt our relationship. The main delusion is that I am cheating. This is because he hears comments from me and other people confirming it all the time. For example, the TV at his medical clinic will say 'she is home cheating' or 'she prefers your friend X'. And he says he hears me tell him I'm cheating and prefer his friend constantly. It can be at really unbelievable times, such as the other day he heard me tell the children I teach maths too how much I hate him and prefer this other person. I seem to be the main focus, but he sometimes hears other comments like 'you're stupid or you are boring'.

I can deny saying these things until I'm blue in the face, but at times he thinks 'the whole world' is trying to tell him the truth or believes I am 'slipping up' and speaking the truth during normal speech. I know this is absolutely not true but have to answer to constant accusations. He has also packed up all of his things and left for a short period of time at least 10 times over this delusion. There have been a few times when he has also been very verbally abusive and demeaning about me because he became convinced I was cheating, not just with his friend, but also with members of my own family. It makes me feel like I am never being treated like a trustworthy, faithful person.

The comments are hurting us both and the delusions have led him to be hypervigilant of me. He checks my phone and sometimes passes my work to check I am there. He is already heavily medicated (both a depot and oral medication). I don't know how to cope or how to advise him. At times I have yelled out of frustration because I am denying what has been said for what feels like the thousandth time. I don't know if anyone has supported someone with something similar or if anyone has any advice, but it would be appreciated!

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

So, you are finding it hard to cope with your husbands delusions and voices that mainly arrive whilst in conversations with others. He has a history of drug intake but has been without this for over a year.

I think you might have to prepare yourself for a longer road of recovery than one year- possibly many more - if recovery is possible and that determination would come from professional medical people and their treatments.

Perhaps you can consider approaching this problem in a different light. He isn't well. His false claim of you cheating for example results in you defending yourself and trying to prove otherwise. The better approach in my view is doing the reverse- comforting him with touch and reassuring him that his thoughts are nor real nor accurate. Tell him you love him. Treat him as if his thoughts aren't in the normal sphere and that he has issues. Sometimes a simple comment like "oh, you know I wouldn't be interested in anyone else- I love you not anyone else" and brush it off eg make light of it. Sometimes a name to this other person making the thoughts inside him can work ...my wife calls him "Anthony". like- "oh, that's Anthony speaking not Tony" or "tell Anthony he is making up stories again" and after a while he just might laugh at his pseudo demon inside himself.

Finally I think counseling for you both would be valuable. Coming to terms with these anomalies is easier than counteracting them.

What do you think about these suggestions?

TonyWK

[cgsha1]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and to write some advice for me.

I really think he does have a long way to go with his recovery and I think we both need a lot more support than what we are getting at the moment. He is seeing a psychiatrist through the public system and the support is next to nothing. He is lucky to have a review every 6 months.

I think the biggest challenge for me is when he just doesn't trust or believe me when I take a more supportive approach. When I try re-assure him that I'm not actually saying the things he is hearing and he often doesn't believe me if I say it is the illness-causing this. I try not to react with a lot of frustration anymore, but part of me thinks he is well enough to see how much the constant accusations upset me. As much as I appreciate that he has a mental illness I also don't want to feel like I'm relying on it all the time as an excuse for him hurting me when he may have the control to stop hurting me like this.

He really is a very kind and patient person when he isn't suffering any psychosis so I'm hoping he can get some more help with managing these awful voices and we can both get some relief from it.

Thanks again for listening to me vent!

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi cgsha1,

Thank you for your post and I'm glad that Tony / White Knight has been here to support you.

What I've learned about psychosis is that supporting people can often feel a little backwards. Instead of attempting to reassure people that it's their illness talking or that it's not true, it can be really helpful to validate that instead. With psychosis, this is their reality.

I completely understand that you'd be wanting to show that what he's hearing is not true, but I'm imagining too that it may feel defeating and exhausting if it's not getting through to him. What would it be like if instead you were to say 'that must be really hard for you to hear', 'I can see that you're finding it hard to trust me,' or 'This must be really difficult' ? How do you think that would go down?

The other thing that comes to mind is that I feel like it must be so hard when you're not getting the support that you both need. Can I ask if you've ever thought about seeing a therapist?

I hope that this helps in some way. Even though my reply is all about your partner I also want you to be taking care of yourself too.

[cgsha1]

Sadly it looks like no amount of love, reassurance or support was enough for him in the end.

Our relationship has ended just after me finding out I am 8 weeks pregnant because he decided to finally act on the delusions and see a prostitute (I hope it is ok to say that word). He said it was an act of revenge to harm me for cheating on him because the voices told him I was. It never mattered that he had no actual proof for his beliefs. He isn't sorry.

You think you can save someone by giving them love and support and you stand by them through absolutely everything and fight for them to get better. I guess I was the delusional one. Officially giving up.

[Klajde]

I have lived this 3 times over in the last two Years. To the point I was kidnapped to the point he thinks I hide people in our home that my kids lie for me. He has almost taken his life but unfortunately when I’m that state there’s no wrong from them.

[justjulie]

I am currently going through the exact same situation except he is in denial. I am at a loss to how to deal with this and want to be there and be his support but he keeps leaving and pushing me away I am afraid for him as it appears to be getting qorse

[Julz]

I don't know how to cope with this exact situation.. my partner is an ice addict .. we've got 3 kids together 11yrs . 10yrs qnd nearly 20year old .we've been together 24yrs.

he used to be addicted to heroin and that was bad enough...now its ice and he's lost his mind .the delusions and hallucinations of cheating .. I font know if its the drugs or he's just a cru a*****le