Help with 20 year old daughter with depression and anxiety

[Sheldan]

Hi, my daughter is 20 years old and suffers with depression and anxiety. She's had them for around four years now, and is on meds, and under a psychiatrist. We clash like crazy and can't live together so she moved into a house with a lady who was advertising a room. This lasted around six weeks as my daughter managed to stress the lady out as she did with me. After moving back home with us for a couple of weeks, she said she was looking for somewhere by herself, which she found. We helped her move and get settled, but now four weeks later (today) she was put under the care of the hospital by her psychiatrist due to being emotionally unstable. She thinks it's due to her being lonely. She has nothing to do with any of her old school friends anymore, and pretty much has no one except us and a guy she's met online. She's already saying she doesn't know what she would do without him, and if he didn't see her anymore she would self harm. It's almost 5am and I've been up all night waiting for her, worrying. I'm at my wit's end with it all and don't know which way to turn. She stresses over everything, and no matter how much I try and calm her and make her understand it's not a big deal, it makes no difference. I feel like the worst mum in the world because I can't help her. Does anyone know of any meet ups or something so she can maybe meet some people who are in the same boat as her? She feels like she's an outcast and worthless, and I tell her how lucky she is because we love her so much (but she tells me it's the wrong thing to say to her) and I don't know what to do. Thanks.

[Nurse_Jenn]

Hi Sheldan,

Welcome to the beyond blue forum. Its good to see you reaching out here for support in helping out your daughter. I am sorry that both she is struggling. It can be incredibly tough when your children are going through a difficult time and you want to help them. The advise that I typically end up offering people who are caring for a person who is going through a difficult time is to start getting some support themselves. It is really difficult to give a person help if they are not willing to receive it but you can empower yourself.

As situations like yours can go on for sometime, getting a support person for yourself will help you while supporting your daughter through her journey. If you were able to speak to a counsellor, you would have a regular sounding board to talk about your feelings and even be able to problem solve some ideas with them in getting your daughter the right support. They can also make sure that you are engaging in self care strategies so you stay well and are able to manage the worry that you have for her.

Having worry for your children is normal and expected and when they are unwell or going through a hard time, you will worry more. But when it goes on for a long time and they are not willing to work with you, then it might be time to make sure you are getting some support as well.

Getting support can be accessed by going to your GP and asking for a referral to talk with a counsellor. There are other programs that you could also access like the Developed by beyondblue NewAccess program which is a free program for people who experience low mood and/or worry. It is only available in certain areas of the Australia so you would have to check out the website to see if its available in your area https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/newaccess

On the forum there are many people who are going through similar scenarios and you will find support by going through threads and reviewing other peoples stories. It often helps to know that you are not alone.

Getting your daughter the right support she needs will take time, persistence and strength. The right way for her to get help will be her decision and when she is ready to receive help. There are plenty of options for her available but it depends on what she wants and if she is ready.

If you ever need immediate support for yourself (or your daughter) you can contact the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636.

Wishing you the best possible outcome,

Nurse Jenn