help to stop the constant worry about a loved one with mental illness

Concernedwife2018 · ‎27-05-2018

Hi everyone

I am writing here as I am struggling, unsure how to help, constantly worrying about things I cannot change and stressing about things that may never eventuate. Long story short my husband about 10 years ago was diagnosed with depression / bi polar disorder / ptsd as a result of a traumatic event in his chIldhood. At that time life sucked he used alcohol as his courage it was the turning point that was needed and we were able to get him the help he needed and he overcame the thoughts. Even to a point where he stopped taking his medication and was happy and relaxed.

however, only this past week I have noticed changes in him and we spoke about it. He told me that for the past 8 months or so he has felt himself going down & he has began to have flashbacks again. He is having trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep, as his mind is in overdrive. He says he can be having a really good day and then bang! A reminder.. I truly thought 10 years ago we would never have to go through this again - how wrong I was, perhaps this is only just the beginning or it may be the peak and it will level out - who knows I guess only time will tell.

He is currently working and he has acknowedged that work is good for him and it keeps his mind busy (which is a relief for me as last time he wasn't working) in addition he is sober and is staying that way - he knows what happens if he turns back to alcohol. I begged him numerous times to promise me he would not drink again- he has promised me- he is surviving on energy drinks so that I can handle.

Although he and I are discussing his feelings, I still can't get it off my mind, I feel physically sick with worry and have not eaten in 3 days. I am waking in the middle of the night worrying about what to do. The part that worries me the most is if he did drink - I know how hard it was last time- me taking off in the middle of the night with the 2 kids in tow, not because I was scared of him but because I didn't want the kids to see what he was doing. Our kids are older now, and it won't be as easy for me to hide what is happening from them -in saying this though he knows the effect of drinking so I am confident he won't.

I think I just need someone to talk to, but I'm not ready to tell my family yet. I hope this forum will be a chance for me to express myself whilst getting support and advise from others in the same situation. Thanks

stormcloudz · ‎09-06-2018

Hi concernedwife

Just wondering how you are doing? How are you and your husband?

Concernedwife2018 · ‎10-06-2018

Hi Stormcloudz

we are going ok.

my husband says he is feeling a bit better, he is sleeping better and seems happier overall. When he went back to the doctors for a check up to see how his medication was they discussed how long he had been on insulin for his diabetes, the insulin began almost around the same time as his mental health issues, she believes there could be a link because for quite some time his blood sugars had been way out of control. Now that his blood sugar is h der control his mental health is improving as well. And I can tell, he is happier.

I feel like we are heading in the right direction.

I feel better knowing that he is able to get some sleep and the nightmares have stopped.

Thank you for checking in 🙂

stormcloudz · ‎10-06-2018

That is really great that things are heading in the right direction. I'm so glad you were able to set up a medical appointment quickly. I can imagine that the uncontrolled blood sugar would have made things difficult.

Does he have a blood sugar test kit? These allow you to take regular blood tests yourself, it's really helpful as you learn what foods send your sugars out (everyone is different). You get a big discount on these if you have been diagnosed with diabetes (I can't remember the info you need to take to the pharmacy).

On the PTSD front, has your husband ever has counselling for the PTSD? If the time feels right, you could reassure him that a good counsellor won't ask him to revisit the memories if he is not ready, but instead might work with him on practical day-to-day coping strategies. Specialists have learnt some techniques to help manage flashbacks etc - nothing is perfect but it could help.

I'm so glad things are heading in the right direction and that you were able to support each other by organising help even though you were both scared, that's just lovely.

Let us know how he goes. I'll pop over to your other thread on anxiety too.