Got a new housemate who is an alcoholic

Bluererer · ‎06-05-2015

I left work 11 months ago, savings have dwindled to nothing so I need some help with bills,

I found someone advertising and friended her on Facebook (fortunately). A few days before she was supposed to move in she posts on Facbook that she had attempted suicide and she was headed to the hospital. There were a huge amount of horrible posts from her to all her friends that had never helped her (but obviously cared from the replies I saw). I found this really upsetting so after speaking online to a close relative and their friend who was an ex-counseller I decided I had to tell her she couldn't move in. She wasn't too awful about it but did say a few things that weren't necessary.

I then put a nice ad in looking for someone who liked dogs, didn't drink much, etc. A guy messaged me saying he was from the country, had just finished a job and wanted to find somewhere to stay temporarily while he looked for work, if we got on ok he could stay on.

Well, the first night he stayed he drunk at least 10 cans of beer, then called a taxi to go to the pub, came home rotten drunk but fairly amiable. The second night it was a rerun of the first, but he came home with an enormous tattoo, got really rough with my dog and was spouting racist garbage. I waited until the next morning when he was relatively sober and said it wasn't going to work. I said he could stay until he found a place if he didn't get drunk. He opted to move out to a motel as he said he wanted a few beers.

I put the same ad back up, adding that I wanted an independent person who hardly drank. I got a reply from a nice sounding guy who had been in the RAF and was now studying. He had a good answer for everything, a verbal rental reference and I even spoke to his mum. I explained what happened with the last guy and he assured me this would not be a problem.

Turns out he doesn't study, he goes out for hours every day and comes home late at night, drunk, cooks up a full meal and speaks very loudly. This really does make me uncomfortable. Besides the fact that my dad was an alcoholic and not a nice one, I just don't want to deal with a rambling drunk person every night.

So what to do? Money is now so tight I don't even know if I could refund his bond. I asked the close relative that I talked to before but they didn't reply, now I am wondering if they think I am overreacting.

Well done if you have read this far! It might sound funny, and one side of me can see this, but I am crying and anxious inside.

Neil_1 · ‎07-05-2015

Hi Bluererer

So you’re batting at 1000% for people coming by with pretty much major drinking issues – they also must be quite wealthy in order to be able to drink that much each night. Not to mention a large tattoo – they cost a heap to get.

I guess you’ve already thought of this already – but my initial thought here would have been to try and seek out someone you know – or is that not an option for where you are located?

And you don’t have to let anyone know where you live; but I just wonder if you live in say, a major city, would you have any contacts that you know that may work in like a Commonwealth Government or Local Government department?? The reason behind this is on their computer systems, they have the facility where you can put in a “Wanted ad” for pretty much anything – and yours no doubt would be for someone to share accommodation and you never know. Firstly it’d possibly help to widen your search a bit but also be “possibly” targeting a different kind of clientele?

However, there’s nothing saying that if this was to be an option, you could still come up with another beer swilling, potentially obnoxious person – that’d be amazing though if that were to happen.

Hope this was of some use to you?

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

geoff · ‎07-05-2015

dear Bluererer, I will reply back to you tomorrow morning as I'm about to log off as I start early in the morning, but so pleased my good friend Neil has replied back to you.

I am terribly sorry but you hear from me tomorrow. Geoff.

geoff · ‎08-05-2015

dear Bluererer, there could be a couple of problems if you happen to get a male co-renter because you don't know whether or not they will make any sexual advances towards you, especially if they are drunk, and normally people who drink a lot leave the place untidy, kitchen never cleaned, and as you have found out these guys are nothing like they said they were or what they would be like.

Google this 'how to find someone to co-rent with me in aus', and sometime a real estate has to find a good renter a place to rent, simply because the house or flat has been sold so they have to move out, so you could try to contact them.

With references sometimes people get close friends to vouch for them, so perhaps their word is not worth a 'piece of cake' and could be a false.

It's always a gamble because you don't know the person until they actually move in.

I know that you haven't had much luck with the first female, but you could try again advertising for a female. L Geoff. x

pipsy · ‎08-05-2015

Hi Bluererer. My heart really goes out to you. You have enough problems with out all the other crap going on. A quick thought, have you thought about advertising through your local church? Before you knock the idea, most people who belong to churches are pretty considerate. The minister at your local church would be able to assist you as they would know who would be suited to your particular requirements. Just a thought.

Good luck

Zan · ‎08-05-2015

Gi'dayBluererer -- As someone who has had to do the same as yourself, advertise and find flatmates to share, just in order to pay the bills, after a few failures it makes you wonder if it's worth it all, doesn't it? Hey, I even advertised for drink/drug free only .. and within weeks found they were doing both in my home. Luckily by then I had had a legal form drawn up which they signed prior to sharing that stated that if they consumed alcohol or did drugs on the property they would be evicted immediately. It also covered the usual, breakages, theft, parties,, keys, lock replacements etc.

Now I live alone. It got all too hard finding someone "normal" who was neither a drug user, religious or a fairy/UFO/alien believing alternative to share with. With a head injury and brain damage of my own it's hard enough living with myself let alone anyone else with problems.

So what do you do? Well, if you desperately need someone, you'll have to do the same unfortunately -- get a legal form drawn up that clearly lists what you will not tolerate on the property and if it occurs that your flatmate will be evicted ... and get the flatmate to sign it BEFORE moving in. Then at least if you do find yourself in the same situation again, you will not have to continue to have them in your place and in your face allowing them to get you down ... which is a form of bullying or intimidation.

Otherwise, short term backpacker type tourists who are usually on a set holiday budget and too healthy and vibrant to be drug addicts or alcoholics would be the way to go. They usually only stay a week though ... but you do meet some great people that way ... and if you ever travel overseas you'll have made friends willing to put you up for a week as well. They were my biggest successes as flatmates ... and I love hearing foreign accents. Kept my rusty & limited foreign language skills up to date as well, when I was doing that. Good luck.

pipsy · ‎08-05-2015

Zan. Found some of your remarks a bit derogatory. I am a church goer. I would not like to be called fairy/UFO/alien. I consider myself to be a nice person. I didn't think name calling was acceptable on these forums. Alcoholics come in all forms including back packer type tourists. I am not an alcoholic, my father was, but he was not violent, nor was he loud. He was usually in bed asleep by 9.pm. He just drank to excess. Please be careful what you say, some people are sensitive.

Zan · ‎09-05-2015

Hi "pipsy" --- wow, I didn't think I actually called anyone any names - and I am sorry if you think I have. I think if you re-read my post I was referring to the three words that you have eloquently pointed out (fairy/UFO/alien) as examples of the types of "beliefs" of individuals that I didn't want to be associated with as potential flat-mates sharing my "space" --- which is surely my right as the "landlord" and "property owner". Maybe you have a different take on who one has to allow into their own home ... or maybe you misread my post. I certainly meant no offense by it ... and again, I apologize if for whatever reason you took offense.

pipsy · ‎10-05-2015

Zan, thank you for your reply. I actually read your post 3 times before I said anything. I do understand where you're coming from in regards to housemates being hard to find. I honestly don't know how landlords cope with tenants trashing places, I know they're insured, but I think insurance company's get fed up paying out when trashing occurs. As far as housemates, I would honestly rather take a church goer (any religion) with the stipulation, they do their 'thing' in private. Anyway, no more said on the subject. Hope we can overcome this and be friends. From your photo and other posts I have read, you do seem like a nice, caring person.