Girlfriend with depression: it feels like I am too snappy

[New_Pommy]

Hello,

 I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, she has suffered depression for many years, on and off (on more so I think) and this is a whole new world to me that I just don't understand and feel completely lost trying to understand!

 She seeks help, is on antidepressants and is aware of everything that is going on so I am very lucky in this respect, but its like a switch gets flipped and she changes completely, seemingly for no reason which I don't deal with very well, but would like to be able to.

 It feels like I am too snappy, which is my natural response when someone annoys me and I feel really guilty about not being able to be a better support. Its come to a bit of a head within the last 24hrs and I really don't want to end the relationship this way so looking for any help or guidance you may have?!

 Thank you.

[Jacko777]

Hi new pommy, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums.

You are a good man new pommy, you love your partner and you seek advice so that you can raise your understanding, you're a good good man.

Perhaps it is safe for you to communicate openly with your partner, I think she would understand your frustration and your challenges with her condition, the quicker you can open up with her and explain how some times you struggle with your response to these situations, the better. You want to be the guy that responds with love. It can be very hard to understand a persons condition, better to understand yourself and why you respond the way you do. It's okay to tell her when she is not being herself, be aware when she is acting out of her condition, try not to get pulled in to her situation.

So perhaps you could talk to her about the last 24 hours, openly and truthfully, tell her how you would have liked to have responded and how you can find that strength in the future.

Talk any time.

Jack

[geoff]

dear New Pommy, it's so difficult for anyone who has had depression to even try and understand the strings that are pulled to make them depressed, because nothing is ever consistent, it can just happen for no reason.

If you yourself have never had this ugly illness then all the questions you are asking to yourself or to the person suffering can and will not be answered, as it's so hard to be able to communicate with anyone suffering from depression, this is not your fault, nor is it the person with depression, and most of the time ends in getting no where.

Some people just walk away, while those that are concerned stay and try and help them through this terrible experience.

What I would like you to do is to click onto 'Resources' at the top of this page and order the 'all the printed material' from BB, it's all free, but it will explain a great deal about all types of depression.

By knowing more about depression will help you greatly, but I do understand that it's very confusing to ever know where to start, so perhaps organise a doctor's appointment, and if she allows you to go with her, then you will have the opportunity to ask questions.

Ask them about the 'mental health plan' where she will get 10 free visits to see a psychologist.

I would like to know how you feel about this. Geoff.

[New_Pommy]

Thank you Jacko777 & Geoff,

Geoff, I will look for the info as you suggested, it sounds like it could be a great help, I will let you know how I get on with it for sure, thanks. I have actually been to see our doctor for help, who knows all the details about my girlfriends condition and she pointed me in the direction of Beyondblue. I can see why, as this site has a lot of help to offer.

Jacko777, I completely agree, I would love to simply respond with affection and be able to help like so, I think part of this whole problem is that I struggle not to speak my mind and I can be very direct and sometimes quite insensitive I guess, if i could just change my nature then it would help...and I am trying to be more aware of this, it's just easier said than done as I've never had to be this delicate with a persons emotional distress before. We have been through this a few times now, it just baffles me how we can be on cloud 9 one moment and then suddenly she is repulsed by her own self image and everything is negative, I really have so much to learn.

 Just hearing back from you both has already helped, I feel a bit silly about all of this so thank you for your help.