Getting a depressed mate to keep in contact

[Dallygirl]

Hi all, as a sufferer of depression myself I understand, but. How do we get a close friend who suffers depression and keeps withdrawing, to keep in contact. How many messages, emails, unanswered phone calls? 

we have shared hobbies, and close personal friendship, but he lives hours away, and we cannot keep running up there to check.

is it ok to not keep calling so often? Are we doing too much? He is not suicidal that we are aware of.

any thoughts or ideas?

[AGrace]

Hi Dallygirl,

I dont believe ive seen a post from you before, so welcome to the BB community.

It appears you're in a sticky situation, and you ask some very important questions. Sadly theres probably not one short answer, however I will say you can only do what you can do.

How long has it been since your friend has responded to you? Is there anyone else nearer to him that you could call upon? Is there a possibility of the 2 of you meeting half way to catch up? I think the most you can do is let him know you're there for him if needed, and to share with him the details of other outlets for him to seek support eg the Beyondblue call centre or webchat. How long has he suffered for? Has he sought help before? You could also share with him some of the things that you did to help you through tough times.

I hope that he will find a way to let you in. Let us know how you get on.

AGrace

[geoff]

dear Dallygirl, thanks for posting your concern for your friend.

It can be a very delicate area, because sometimes your friend who you are worried about will get annoyed by all the attempted phone calls, not that he will know it's you that is trying to ring him, but I know whenever the phone rang I would cringe or hide, knowing that it maybe a creditor, debt collector or someone asking me how I was.

It's always so difficult to actually know how someone is over the phone, they may say that they OK, but you can tell from their voice and what they have to say whether or not this is true, however if the phone caller says to them 'you sound good' when in fact they feel lousy this is annoying and frustrating for the person with depression, and then hopes that you never ring again.

I'm not saying that you do this, because you are a friend that wants to help him.

Depression is a funny illness, and I'm not talking literally here, because we never can tell what is going to happen.

I like what AGrace has suggested to you, and I hope that you stay with us as a little more detail would then give us other ideas. L Geoff. x