Dear Need Advice,
Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.
I really wish I knew what to say but, to be honest, I don't. I am by no means a professional, so I don't have all the answers. But I do want to say that you are not 'stupid' for falling in love with someone. However, continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result could be considered irrational.
In other words, if she has lied to you before, repeatedly, and you find yourself thinking 'maybe it will be different this time' ...... then perhaps that is where the irrational thinking (the part where you called yourself 'stupid') is taking over. Does that make sense?
Sometimes mental illness distorts things in a person's mind so much that they literally lose the capacity to be honest. But that doesn't mean that we (you and I, for example) have to keep putting ourselves in harms way. And perhaps getting back with her, would put you and the children in harms way - and harm doesn't necessarily have to mean physical. It can mean emotionally and mentally harming as well.
No one can really tell you what you should or should not do when it comes to your relationship. What I would suggest is to get some counseling and support from an appropriate service, and keep yourself and the children safe.
I don't know if that helps or not. I do hope that you can find some answers and support soon. I will be thinking of you. Take care. xo
