BPD son in prison, I’m over it

[Sunflower62]

My son has been arrested for the second time. He was arrested in 2015, trial and sentencing in 2016, released 2018. I believed him when he said he didn’t do it. He has BPD. I thought he had turned the corner and was getting his life on track. Had started studying, got a job, seemed to be ok. Then last week he was arrested again. He went before a judge, remanded in custody until end of April, no bail. His name suppressed. I don’t know what he has been charged with but have been told it’s serious. I don’t know what to think or what to do. I don’t think I know my son at all. I know longer trust him, I really don’t want to deal with it but there is no one else. I’m angry and sad. Other than my partner nobody knows. I’d rather he just didn’t exist anymore. I’m a terrible mother for thinking.

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, the forensic psychologist costs aren't going to be cheap and it all depends on what he's been charged with and whether the magistrate believes what they say is viable, considering what he's actually done.

Just be careful about what he may ask you to pay, as this can add up very quickly and may seem to be helping him to be released early, but once he's out, all that you have paid may be flushed away and mean nothing.

A psychologist may be able to help someone facing their first court case, but if a person has been prosecuted before the magistrate won't pay any attention.

Sorry just trying to look after you and your husband.

Please take care.

Geoff.

[Nameless1]

Hi Geoff

Thanks for the wise reply!! I’m not sure if you have read my other posts on 3 other threads about prison/jail/incarceration . I was trying to find other active sites. I talk to Croix and Borderline there but currently no one else apart from the three of you is responding. I am truly fortunate though to have 3 wise people responding . No other mums dads etc responding currently

He has not been prosecuted before.
Covid meant brief “appearances “ in court for mentions via AVL etc and big delays and waiting for some decisions to me made and things to do with his plea meant nothing more ever happened till now.
He is just following lawyers advice based on looking through what caused his PTSD which impacted on why he was arrested and broke bail and ended up in remand. Just Looking at the big picture to see if this all can end in him getting the right help in the right place.
He wasn’t eligible for Legal aid so not happy about the costs.
Has always hated us paying for things for him so will pay himself

Nameless1

PS Thanks for looking out for us too and reminding us to look after ourselves.

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, I will have a look for other active sites so that you can pursue them.

With COVID he may be lucky and not sent to gaol and this may be what his psychologist/lawyer could be aiming for.

He has you and your husband in mind when he doesn't want you to pay, that's great and very good of him but still, be careful, this paying you back in the family, doesn't seem to happen, although, with good intentions, it's something that's forgotten about.

It is possible to bail someone out of gaol without having to pay any money by an O.R. release which means that the court agrees to let somebody out of custody on their own recognizance without the need to post bail.

I may be able to find something for you but can you please give me 30 minutes or so, you might not even be up just yet, but will do my best for you.

Geoff.

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, please try and google these links

-https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice

-https://www.probonocentre.org.au › individual › vic

-https://www.familycourt.gov.au>fcoaweb>getting-help

-CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.

-CLC stands for Community Legal Centres Australia

-Legal Advice Hotline | 7am-midnight, 7 days | 1300 636 846

-

CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.6 Oct 2020

Need any legal help? - Ask Legal Aid NSW
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au › factsheets-and-resources



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Legal Advice Hotline | 7am-midnight, 7 days | 1300 636 846

https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice


Call Our Australian Legal Advice Hotline to speak directly to a qualified Australian lawyer now. Open 7am - midnight, 7 days ... Australian Legal Advice Hotline | Open 7am-midnight, 7 days | Call: 1300 636 846. legal-advice ... Brisbane | Sydney.
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-Legal Advice | Family Relationships Online 1800 050 321

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CLCs give free legal advice and help with all kinds of legal problems. Call 1300 888 529 or search for a centre in your area at: www.clcnsw.org.au.6 Oct 2020

Need any legal help? - Ask Legal Aid NSW
https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au › factsheets-and-resources



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https://www.gotocourt.com.au › legal-advice


Call Our Australian Legal Advice Hotline to speak directly to a qualified Australian lawyer now. Open 7am - midnight, 7 days ... Australian Legal Advice Hotline | Open 7am-midnight, 7 days | Call: 1300 636 846. legal-advice ... 2016-Golden Bridge Awards - Website of the Year - Best Web Writing/Content ... Brisbane | Sydney.
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If any of these are not in your State, then they will be able to refer you to the State you are in, good luck and please let me know how you get on.

Geoff.

[Nameless1]

Hi Geoff,

Just a quick reply to say thankyou!!
Busy day so will chat later

Nameless 1

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, no worries.

I probably over swamped you with too many links, sorry.

Geoff.

[Nameless1]

Hi Geoff

You didn’t swamp me with too many links. Thanks for those.

We have been busy getting ready…reading through lots of things to prepare ourselves for whenever he comes home. His case is being held shortly. His lawyer went over the various scenarios of what could happen but won’t know till the case is held, so we have been reading up things so we can plan some things we can do.
It is a bit of a waiting game… what will happen, will he get more sentenced beyond time served, or will he come out, will he live at home or somewhere else , will he get CCO or something else? Will he continue with his positive attitude he seems to have or struggle to keep routine and activities. Will he get work, and how about friends? . While there he had work and study and a gym and in the common areas they cook together and play cards after his day is finished . They can’t resist doing what they are asked to do.
So many unknowns as the day creeps closer.
Thanks for keeping in contact though no one else replies!!
Nameless1

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, it must seem like a bottomless pit, not knowing what's going to happen and how will he respond, the trouble is no one knows, he may have a tough magistrate or he may be lucky and have someone willing to give him another chance and the lawyer may already know who is going to be on duty, and if he, unfortunately, gets a tough magistrate then the lawyer may want to opt out for another day, which he is allowed to do for the good of your son.

Just remember anything you feel might suit him once he's out, he may not want to do it for his own personal reasons, that doesn't mean you haven't tried, you are doing all the best you can think of that may benefit him, it's like asking 'how long is a piece of string', the answer is unknown at the moment, as he might want to pursue what he's been doing.

I wonder if you could try and encourage him to meet new friends, rather than those he already knows, only because you don't know if they have caused him to go to gaol in benefitting themselves, rather than looking out for his own concerns.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Nameless1]

Hi Geoff

The resources say to “plan for his release “. Just trying to understand what that looks like then.

He has acknowledged recently that he has put us through a lot and he will be more much more grateful for what he has in life. He doesn’t want to waste his life in prison .
All we can do is hope

nameless 1

[geoff]

Hello Nameless, it's good talking with you.

The million dollar question 'plan for the future' is the same as when will you win tattslotto, I'm not sure that could possibly happen, because you're not sure of the result and secondly, how he's going to feel, let alone his intentions and thirdly and probably most important, how you and your husband are going to be as a result of the final decision because whatever happens, it's going to affect both of you, not only between yourselves but how your friends are going to be and these are important for you and how you can cope with what happens.

It's good to hear what you say that he is grateful for what you have been able to achieve and what he has put you through because being in prison has no benefits what so ever.

Did you benefit from any of those links I sent you, it may be difficult to say at the moment because you haven't approached the final result just yet.

Take care.

Geoff.