BPD son in prison, I’m over it

[Sunflower62]

My son has been arrested for the second time. He was arrested in 2015, trial and sentencing in 2016, released 2018. I believed him when he said he didn’t do it. He has BPD. I thought he had turned the corner and was getting his life on track. Had started studying, got a job, seemed to be ok. Then last week he was arrested again. He went before a judge, remanded in custody until end of April, no bail. His name suppressed. I don’t know what he has been charged with but have been told it’s serious. I don’t know what to think or what to do. I don’t think I know my son at all. I know longer trust him, I really don’t want to deal with it but there is no one else. I’m angry and sad. Other than my partner nobody knows. I’d rather he just didn’t exist anymore. I’m a terrible mother for thinking.

[Sunflower62]

I hope it goes well and your son transitions back into real life smoothly. A second chance, a learning curve and the opportunity to do good. Take care 💕

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower 62

I will be still checking in every few days to see who is writing. Parole means he is still serving a sentence so a bit of work to go for him a check has to prove himself as worthy of staying out on parole.

Let me know how everything goes on the 8th December!! It’s such a drawn out process!!
Nameless1

[Sunflower62]

Thank you for your support. This has been a difficult one for me to get my head around. I’ve questioned myself and the part I have played. However, I just need to have a conversation with him to see that some of the important synapses are not connecting and the world he sees is not the same world I see. He made his choice, he is pleading guilty, he will accept the consequence. Wishing your family all the best. xoxo

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower62

It has been an been an emotional week for us all. He is home now on parole. Tonight there was a flood of tears as he released his emotions built up while in prison. Still a few things he is waiting on to have resolved like a fine he was waiting to have paid via time time served programme .
What part did you think you play?
Just wondering if it the same as I feel and we also wonder too if we gave him to much , weren’t tough enough .. and many other things!!
so hard being the parent . I feel we are always blamed!!

nameless1

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower62

Just to let you know I am thinking of you on the 8th December as I know you have the court case.
Keep busy the day before if you can!! Sitting around doesn’t help .

Is court via AVL or in court self and will you attend? We listened to a recording later on that we had to pay for and took ages as they didn’t send us the link.

How is he managing? And you?
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Even even though he is pleading guilty it’s the sentence that you will be keen to hear about .
Nameless1

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower62

I hope everything went okay yesterday. I know you mightn’t be going so well but reach out if you need help

Nameless 1

[Sunflower62]

I’m about to leave to go and see him. He pled guilty and sentencing has been held over until Feb next year. The judge wanted to mull over the case after hearing from the defence about the mental health issues. Personally, I think he should be in a psychiatric home where he can be cared for and receive the treatment he needs. I really don’t think he is capable of living successfully in the real world. It seems to me that his reality is getting more and more removed from what is real but because he is charming and articulate it’s not obvious. For now though, he is in a safe place.

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower62

Hopefully the judge is working on a plan for him.
Yes, he is safe in jail if it keeps him from continuing down the path he was on.
Hopefully the discipline, structured life of prison, and a clarity of what he has , done will change him. My son saw someone regularly in prison and they monitored him as mental health issues were a big part of his issues. However the cannabis was a big part of that too. Eventually didn’t need medication for his behaviour the longer he was off his habits. He saw how badly he was affected and changed his thinking. Did your son have lots of reports and assessments by forensic psychologist to support his condition ? If he wasn’t sentenced immediately, hopefully it means the judge is considering all that and he will be admitted to one of the prisons that will help him with his mental health. Were you in court?

Work and exercise and keeping busy with activities and courses is helpful and beneficial to give purpose to his time.
How long has he been in remand now?
Thinking of you and the mixed emotions you must be feeling. You mightn’t love what he did but letting him know you love him anyway is important for you both. Change can happen if there is hope and if knows he hasn’t lost your support no matter how hard it is to give. It will encourage him to teach out for the help he needs hopefully. It it will be up to him I. The end and I hope the judge makes a wise decision .
Nameless1

[Nameless1]

Hi Sunflower62

I hope the visit went well today and it hasn’t upset you too much. It’s e analysing your mind does after visits of phone calls that are the worst. Wondering what you said, they said.

I read back to the start of the thread as I know you started it but hadn’t remembered all the details.
Hopefully you on hasn’t made anymore attempts on his life and is coping with remand.
I hope this time in prison will be different and they see the need dor better help for him. Was he released into your home? Our son was . It is hard wondering what they are thinking and you hate to be watching them all the time but I agree …that you wonder how you missed it.
I know it is different for you this time.

the statistics for reoffending are high and that is scary to consider. I don’t want to go through this again and I feel the pain you are in that it has happened . I feel out of my depth in what I can do and say to prevent that but have to remember what I have been told. ..that it is in his hands

I hope counselling is still helping you. I would have struggled so much more with out it.

Hear from you soon hopefully

Nameless1

[Sunflower62]

He pled guilty but the judge has deferred sentencing until Feb next year. Said that they needed time to go over the mitigating circumstances. Not sure what that means. I’m just tired now. I’m tired of thinking about it.