BPD - coping with partner

[Mick1983]

I am in a 2 year relationship with my Girlfriend who suffers from BPD and we are looking at getting engaged.  She has been diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression (among other health conditions such as PSO which add to her stress) and has been on and off medications since her early twenties (she is now 32 and I am 30).

I suspect my girlfriend knows that she has BPD however she fails to acknowledge it. So far I have managed to deal with her condition by reading forums etc. However, if we are to have children (which we are trying for) I want to be able to have a solid framework for ensuring they are not adversely affected by her behavior (Which as some people may know can be extreme/unpredictable/verbally and physically abusive).    

In short I am not after answers here. I would like to know if anyone can recommend any good Therapists specifically trained to deal with BPD. I want to start by going just by myself (For my benefit and mental health as well as hers) then hopefully encourage her to get the professional help we need to manage her condition together.   

[AGrace]

Hi Mick,

Welcome. I have a couple of questions for you. 

You said you suspect your partner has BPD, has she been professionally diagnosed? Do you know why she is denying it? Where abouts are you located? Do you think you will convince her to seek some support?  Have you visited the borderline support website? Lots of information here. 

Keep us posted. 

AGrace

[Mick1983]

Thank you for your response....

She has indicated that some psychologists have diagnosed her (But she has an intense fear of being labelled as both her parents are psychologists and she has a degree in psychology).  I cannot convince her despite the fact she displays all the characteristics. If I even bring it up she becomes extremely hostile and trys to convince me that I have an inability to cope with "normal" conflict and that I am gas lighting her. Unfortunately her condition coupled with her high intelligence and studies have made her very difficult to discuss our situation as she will manipulate every situation to shift "blame"..even when I am not trying to blame, just find resolutions.

I have yet to navigate my way to the borderline support website. Could you provide a link?  

Sorry if this was very short response as I have to leave work on the dot as my partner struggles to cope if I am late. 😉

[Jo3]

Hi Mick

I feel for you and your partner.  BPD is a very complicated illness.  I was diagnosed with BPD, Depression and Anxiety 4 yrs ago.  I also attend the borderline support group in Melbourne held on the last Monday of each month.

Take care

Jo

[AGrace]

Hi Mick,

Sorry it's been a while.

Hope you and your girlfriend are travelling ok. I know you requested the link to the website. Unfortunately we cannot post links on the forums. I'm not sure if you managed to find the website, but it comes up if you google borderline support.

Have you managed to find a therapist for yourself yet? Has your wife started seeking some help with her condition?

Being a sufferer I know how manipulative we can be, and nothing is ever our fault. Perhaps you could even ask your girlfriend what she thinks would help her?

I've also recommended another community member reach out to you. You can find his thread under Cannot abandon my wife. It could be good for the 2 of you to connect and share ideas or struggles.

I've also suggested a number of times the book Stop Walking On Eggshells. It's a pretty good one for BPD carers.

I hope you're still around, and look forward to hearing back from you.

AGrace