Attempt One

[Farangi]

Hi everyone, I don't know where to start but I am here seeking support.

Two days ago, after an argument with my partner, I came home to find he had attempted to take his own life. I have never experienced anything like this, thankfully I got to him in time to bring him back. I keep having flashes of that night and I really don't know where to go from here.

We have reached out to close friends and family who have been amazing support for us both and our children and whom directed us to this support group to find tools to deal with what has happened.

I am reaching out because although we are lucky to have a support network, they also don't have any experience with something like this. I guess I just need advice from someone supporting their loved one through these hard times.

I have so many emotions running through me still. Shock, sadness, anger, guilt, lonely and just disbelief that this has happened.

Thank you for reading x

[Sophie_M]

Hey Farangi,

Thank you for sharing this here. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. We can hear you're dealing with a lot of emotion around this, and it's so good that you started this conversation to hear from people who can relate to your experience in some way. There's nothing like feeling heard and understood.

It sounds like you are a really caring partner, and it's great that you've both been able to reach out to people around you. It's so important that you think about your own wellbeing and mental health during this time, so please know that our counsellors are here if you'd like to talk it through confidentially with someone unconnected to you or your partner. The Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or online here.

If you would ever like to get advice on how to support your partner or discuss your own thoughts and feelings you can speak to our team on the number above, there's also our friends over at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467) for some more clarification if you need it.

Thanks again for sharing what's going on for you here, it's such a powerful thing to do and we think it's a credit to your bravery, openness and resilience during a really difficult time.You also never know the impact you're having on others who may be reading this and feeling less alone themselves because of it. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Croix]

Dear Farangi~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here to the Forum. Actually I'm glad you have already met Sophie as she gives good advice.

It is an incredibly  very hard time for you, as you said you have to deal with shock, sadness, anger, guilt, loneliness and disbelief that this has happened. I guess you must also have the worry that wiht no real direction on what to do you you feel frustrated and helpless.

First thing is if you feel you partner is in immediate serious danger you don't hesitate, you call emergency services on 000. It is no betrayal of trust, it is the best thing.

Secondly although you mention you have family support you have not said your partner has any. May I ask if he has ongoing medical support after this attempt? It is very important. You may feel you are totally responsible for his continued well-being, but that is not the case, you can have some influence of course, but professionals are needed too.

Feeling helpless is one thing you can try to do a bit about. There is a smartphone app called BeyondNow, which you enter in all the normal crisis things like phone numbers, but also most importantly put in things your partner can do dor himself when starting ot feel overwhelmed

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

It's a good system and when in distress he may not think clearly and reaching out to  BeyondNow is a no-brainer.

The hard part is to stock it in advance with things that make a person pause, and go for things that have  calmed them, or made them happy, or even amused them. It can be a long list, and should be specific -not 'listen to music' but listen to a specific song by a specific artist and so on. Mine has books, TV/Movie shows, music, friends to talk wiht and much more.

For a person who is down it's just about impossible to think of these things , which is where you can came in and help him by remembering for him what has been good - so you do end up having an influence, plus gets you talking together about the problem

Do you  think what I've said so far makes sense?

Croix