??? Whats wrong

[Guest_4593]

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

[smallwolf]

your words are too kind. And Thanks!

the comments in my previous post stand. I do my best to spread myself around so if you do post I will try to respond. Fwiw, whether you see life as riding the waves or a walk up a mountain.... I use the mountain analogy where there are times we go down into a valley - not ideal, but there is a time when you come up out of the valley and a better path towards the top.

I will also say there have been times when after going down into the valley, I may find a cave and lower still. But there will still be a way out and up. Just have to keep moving forward even if slowly.

[Aaronsis]

Hi Guest_4593

I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I am thinking of you and hope that today is a better day for you, that things have been maybe even peaceful for you over the last day.

I am so very sorry that you have been feeling so overwhelmed and feeling like things are just not ever going to get better, but even though it is hard to see you post "I need help", I am so beyond proud of you that you do reach out to us, to let us know how you are feeling and to choose to talk about how you are feeling. I know the lack of instant reply is frustrating but we are here...we are here.

I hear what you say in sometimes it seems that the harder we try the worse it does seem, I think maybe as we bring up the event, or talk deeply about a time or relive a situation or are reminded of something that hurt we do relive it and sometimes those feelings come back as fresh as the time when it happened. Unfortunately this is part of the journey in addressing the pain, to acknowledge it and sit with it and try to make peace with it which does mean having to have more pain to start with. So hard I know, but I am not sure of any other way to address the issues without addressing the issues.

Huge hugs to you and thinking of you

Sarah xx

[Guest_4593]

Feeling.. very low and little disappointed. I have tried my hardest lately like nothing before, i have worked towards quitting drinking staying off all sights where I vent, removed Facebook and messenger doing everything to work on me . And i have been stuggling a bit but trying, but when i felt like thinks were getting to much i took a breath and reached out to a online alchohol counselor. And i feel like a idiot now i qot responses like,... well maybe u answer ur own question. And dont know maybe try detoxing again for 10 to 14 days maybe that will help u feel better. Im not a idiot i know help isn't just a txt away. But my 2 years of reluctancy to get help.... i feel like i have a lot more disappointments to come and i have to suspect that help is not going to be given to me in a way that i need

[Sophie_M]

Hi Guest_4593,

Sorry to hear that you didn't get what you needed from the online counsellor.  We can understand that it can be very disappointing to finally reach out for help and not receive the help that you need.  

Remember we are always here and available to help.  One of our professional and friendly mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue can support you (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it.  You are not alone and we are here to help you.  

 

[blondguy]

Hello 4593

we are here for you

I wouldnt be a volunteer on the forums unless they were rock solid safe. I know you feel the same. I really hope you can lean on us

we are good listeners

Sending you hugz (if thats okay)

Paul

[Guest_4593]

Thanks paul. I think the community advice is best. Professional's seem to have a 1 fits all script.. thanks for listening paul i really do appreciate ur response

[Guest_4593]

I have a few people reaching out to me right now wanting to help or know what's wrong.. im just ignoring everyone ( everything is fine i say) ... how can i explain whats wrong to people if i cant even explain it to my self.... i know how i Feel, but cant explain why im feeling like this way or even put it in a way that makes sense..the outside world isn't expecting conversations like this and wont be ready with nice words... i dont wanna TRY and talk to someone. (Which doesn't come naturally to me) only to be told everyone has problems talk to a doctor... i wish i was different, i wish was somebody different, and i wish my efforts to help everyone wasn't my downfall in life

[Sophie_M]

Hey Guest_4593, thanks for stopping by tonight on the Beyond Blue forums. 

We can hear that you're feeling very low and overwhelmed at the moment. You have stated that you don't wish to talk to anyone with one of the reasons being that you think they'll dismiss your problems. We're sorry if this has happened to you before and acknowledge how hurtful this would've been. However, we'd like to encourage you to try and reach out for support again, perhaps via the Kids Helpline webchat?  Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided: https://kidshelpline.com.au/  We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).  
Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Aaronsis]

Hey Guest_4593

Firstly I wanted to say how good I felt to hear that people are reaching out to you, that is a wonderful thing to have, I also wanted to say that I do understand the not wanting to receive this support also. That trying to explain something to someone that you have no words for is hard, is frustrating and also really highlights how bad we are feeling when we can't put these feelings into words. However, you can still receive the support and the care from them, it is ok to let them know that you don't know the answers to many of the questions that they have but, a hug would be nice, or a cup of tea, or just a chat about whatever really. To clarify with them that you don't need them to fix you, you just need them with you.

I hear what you are saying and it is very disappointing to hear responses like "go to a Doctor" when you are explaining you feel bad, also when talking does come naturally to you and yet you don't want to at the same time..another layer of frustration.

I have heard you in all your posts and I do understand that you support the community and I thank you for all that you do, and that it does some times cost you your mental health and how you feel about yourself. I am so sorry for this, however there are amazing humans like you on this earth that do put others before themselves and I thank you for that, for not being someone different but for being the very person that you are.

I am wondering how you are today as yesterday sure sounded tough.

We are here and we care and I am just so proud you reach out to us and let us sit with you in these times.

Hugs to you Guest_4593

Sarah xx

[Guest_4593]

Overwhelmed, stressed reallly feeling the build up tonight, feel the pressure in my chest finding it hard to breathe the overwhelming desire to just do something bad just to feel some relief