what to do if person who saved your life no longer talks to you?

[Giggyy]

Hello, roughly a year ago I attempted to take my own life, I was stopped only by a phone call from my best friend after I sent what I thought would be my last message. He literally saved my life and made me feel like I was supposed to be alive and that at least someone wanted me to stay. However after he went to uni, he hasn't contacted me much as he has been busy. recently I have had similar thoughts of hurting myself, and some very distressing thoughts about how if the person who told me I should be alive no longer talks to me, should I not be alive? it is very distressing and I'm not sure how to deal with it, currently, I am safe though I have had to use my safety plan a few times, however, these thoughts won't go away. I feel forgotten and unwanted, I don't know what to do. Another friend who supports me a lot is about to leave for uni too and I just feel alone and helpless without them. I am autistic so I don't make friends easily, they are the only two people I have ever felt cared about me and that I feel close to. I'm frightened of what may happen when they leave, they are the only two people in my safety plan I can talk to if I'm worried I may hurt myself... I want to talk to them about how I feel however I get worried about talking to them as I fumble my words and sometimes go mute when I get upset, I'm worried they won't understand what I'm trying to tell them and I don't want to bother them with such issues when they are both busy and doing exams. I just do not want to be forgotten about because I know what I might do to myself and it frightens me. Any advice would be appriciated

[Sophie_M]

Hey Giggyy,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue community. We're so glad to have you reach out here and we hope our community can be a supportive place for you. We're so sorry to hear of the stress and sadness you've endured over the years and that you've had recurring thoughts of suicide. We can hear how important your friends are to you and the impact your best friends call had on your life. We know how afraid and uncertain it must feel to have both your friends time consumed with university. Do you think it might be easier to communicate these feelings to them via text? we're sure they could ease some of your worries and likely express how appreciative they are of your friendship too. 

If you feel that it would be beneficial to you to talk through your feelings with a counsellor, please, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport . One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some short-term support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if that's something you feel might be helpful to you.

Thanks again for reaching out Giggyy. 

[quirkywords]

Welcome Giggyy

Thanks for expressing yourself. I can feel your pain through your words.
You have loyal friends .I think they are busy with uni but have not forgotten you.

Sophie has given you helpful suggestions.

You write honestly and with emotion.
You are not alone and we are listening.

[smallwolf]

hi and welcome to the forums.

firstly, I want to echo the sentiments expressed by Sophie_M.

the next thing(s) to mention are ... I moved from a country town to the city when I went to Uni. When that happened there was/is no intentional separation from people I knew before then except that I entered a new world with new responsibilities etc. Assignments, looking after myself, attending classes, study, etc. So, in a sense a person there is a lot going on and in a new environment which can be stressful for the other person as well. And may not want to show that?

Good friendships I would like to think do not disappear. I have 2 jobs... when I got the 2nd job, I reached out a person that I had not seen for many years to be a referee. For different reasons each went our own paths. On reaching out to this person we started a new friendship I would say and a more mature one. What does this mean ... ?

You can reach out to your friends and explain how things are you for you and chat with them. Would that work for you?

As an aside I know a person with an autistic child and we have spoke about the issues he (the child) goes through. So I "have" a very small understanding of what you talking when you say how hard it is to make friends etc. I guess the only thing I might suggest, which goes along the same lines as Sophie_M suggested above is whether are are any local groups you might be able to look into as a way of making new connections?

Lastly, and I am not asking you to divulge your safety plan but mine looks like broadly speaking)...

wife & contacts -> life line -> 000 / psychologist

and where I start is based on stress level. However, if a lower stress level, and say wife is not available then I can go to contacts. If my contacts are not available then I go to life line etc. The reason why my plan was structured in this way is there are things that say my wife would not be able to respond to in which case I move onto the next step. This works for me and perhaps not for everyone else.

Anyway I would be interested in chatting more with you, if you like.

Peace to you, Tim

[Here2Talk]

Hi Giggyy,

So sorry to hear what you’re going through. It must be tough when it’s hard to make friends and communicate with people.

just want to let you know that I care about you, even though I do not know you, and am always here to talk if you would like.

[Guest9337]

Good day Giggyy, A google search for "australian suicide call back service" will provide a wealth of options. At times I am able to platonically love and care for everyone on the planet, it's an incredible feeling. Believe that or not, or just a bit. Please be aware that even though you may never meet us personally there exist people who already care for you. Hang around bb, if you need/want/desire to. Which picture would best represent you, without revealing/doxxing you? I'd love to see that picture on ur profile.

[Giggyy]

thankyou for such a long reply, its very kind. I just wanted to give an update, A few days ago he contacted me and we made some warhammer figurines, he even bought me a present . He reassured me that he did care about me and it made me feel so much better, hopefully i wont have to post here for a while. You were completly right, he was just a little swamped with responsibilities, but as his classes are online right now im able to spend much more time with him. Thank you for helping me hold out a little longer, it did get much better.

[smallwolf]

Thank you for replying.

On being right... it is easy to think negatively. I do that all the time. At the same time there are also other possibilities not yet considered that can be equally plausible. Talking about that... whether here or with your partner can help to stop the negative cycle.

I can glad it is working out for you.