What is the point.

[Guest_97828875]

( im ok ) I have autism, adhd, anxiety and most likely an eating disorder and i also severely struggle with intrusive and suicidal thoughts. I have always been the funny kid in my friend group, so when I'm struggling I tend to hide it under my humour or support my friends instead of looking after myself. I have been struggling for the last 3 years and I'm currently 9 months clean after a long six months of attempts and relapses and restricing my eating. I have been silently struggling by my self this whole time with occasional help from a friend who also struggles. I have felt so good for the last 9 months only having these thoughts maybe twice a month. Until recently where these terrible thoughts are now the only thing I'm thinking about. I'm not the smartest person ever and struggle at school with learning especially while having these episodes. But teachers tend to tell me I'm not doing enough which makes me contemplate why I'm even here. With my autism and adhd it makes it makes it really hard to regulate and I regularly have meltdowns due to being overstimulated which never helps in these situations. ( I know I'm ranting but I really need to let it out )

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you🙂

While my 19yo son struggles with some of the challenges that come with level 1 autism and my 21yo daughter struggles with some of the challenges that come with ADHD, I can't imagine how incredibly challenging it is to live with AuDHD. Can be like double the challenges and unless people around you can relate, I imagine it must feel incredibly lonely at times (trying to manage on your own in some ways), exhausting, frustrating, stressful and depressing. I feel for you so much.

I think if we can basically feel our way through life, this comes with its advantages but when you can feel or sense on a whole other level (an extremely high level), it can seem more like a curse than anything else. When you can feel/sense high end and low end emotions (aka depressing ones) easily and deeply, it can be a challenge. When you can feel/sense your thoughts, inner dialogue, memories, what runs through your imagination etc, it can be a challenge. When you can feel/sense sound, texture (at a high end level), what you see, taste or smell, this involves feeling intensely through all the physical senses. When you can feel/sense other people's disapproval, disappointment, frustration, anger and more, then you're not only feeling your own emotions, you're feeling other people's too and that can become exhausting. When you can feel/sense your lack of focus and inability to focus, to say this is frustrating can be an understatement. To feel/sense your own nervous system a lot of the time can become anxiety inducing and also exhausting. I won't go on. You get the gist. It's about being able to feel or sense just about everything, just about all of the time. The level of exhaustion that comes with this can become deeply depressing for some. Btw, while the Australian education system has changed a little over the years, it hasn't changed enough to be a highly effective system. It can still be boring and hard to focus on, it still accommodates some teachers with poor teaching abilities, it still typically doesn't set work that is taught through the imagination, it is still stressful in certain ways, still depressing in some ways and the list goes on when it comes to how it still doesn't accommodate certain learning styles. So, any students that can't relate to how the system's set up will struggle greatly. To some degree, the system's broken and certain students will feel or sense a lot of the ways in which it's broken.

Inner dialogue can definitely be an enormous challenge for those who can feel easily and deeply. As a 54yo gal, it's been one of my greatest challenges since my late teens. It's a challenge that's well worth mastering though. There are ways to manage it. Our inner critic can take a lot of work to manage, for example, and a lot of skill. I imagine that with you being a sensitive person (someone who's able to sense quite easily) you already have a lot of skills and abilities, some you're not even aware of.